2009 Movies
OSCARS Won/Nominated
IMDB Top 250
IMDB Top 250
OSCARS
Best Foreign Film
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12
Dir: Nikita Mikhalkov T his is a Russian version of 12 Angry Men, which is a losing proposition right off the bat. The original film is a masterclass in acting and direction, expertly exhibiting the use of set and atmosphere to drive tension and uneasiness. Most of that is gone here, especially the use of the claustrophobic jury room. These jurors are in a gymnasium, but the acting and the use of flashbacks to give context to the defendant make it a bit of it's own thing. Serviceable, but for sure, see the original instead. B- |
12 Rounds
Dir: Renny Harlin Stars: John Cena, Aiden Gillen WWE was anxious to cash in on their Superstar, John Cena. All they did was hire the cheesy director, Renny Harlin, and threw Cena into a film that is essentially Die Hard With a Vengeance. Not a great idea, well, because Cena is no Bruce Willis. This is just an easy excuse for 12 different scenarios of action. Not much else. It's a good thing that Cena found his calling as a comedic character actor...this showed he wasn't much of an action star. D+ |
17 Again
Dir: Burr Steers Stars: Zac Efron, Leslie Mann, Matthew Perry Body swap movies are a dime a dozen, and I have liked many of them. Invariably, I enjoy the older actor playing young more than the younger playing old. I liked Dudley Moore better than Kirk Cameron in Like Father, like Son. I liked Judge Reinhold better than Fred Savage in Vice Versa. I liked Jamie Lee Curtis better than Lindsay Lohan in Freaky Friday. Zac Efron playing old just isn't that interesting...and since the story is so run of the mill, it's just a huge meh. C Bluray |
(500) Days of Summer
Dir: Marc Webb Stars: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Zooey Deschanel Not all romances end happily, but cinematic romance almost always does. That’s what makes this film so refreshing. It honestly portrays a relationship, all of its ups and downs, from the meet cute to the breakup, across 500 days, and brilliantly told out of sequence. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel have fabulous chemistry and really got me to invest in their relationship. Equal parts romantic comedy and drama, this is a unique gem. A- |
2012
Dir: Roland Emmerich Stars: John Cusack, Thandie Newton, Chiwetel Ejiofor Roland Emmerich just likes destroying the world...and he has done it much better in Independence Day & The Day After Tomorrow. The 2012 mythos was ripe for a movie, and of course, Emmerich is the guy to do it… but I got so complacent with all the storms, earthquakes, destruction, and death-defying escapes. There is a lot of money on the screen, it's populated with great actors, and I was kinda interested in the Ark politics...but it's just so long and overblown. C+ |
Adventureland
Dir: Greg Mottola Stars: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader This was the start of the solid combination of Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart. This movie is simple, about a directionless college graduate who takes a job at a local, small-time amusement park. This park is populated by the usual archetypes...other directionless young adults, the slut, the womanizer, and the bosses who simultaneously take their job too seriously and think it is a joke. The romance is obvious but the banter and clashes of personality are extremely funny and entertaining. Straightforward without earth-shattering stakes. The stakes are just a good summer and a cute girl. It's refreshing. B+ |
Alien Trespass
Dir: R.W. Goodwin Stars: Eric McCormack, Robert Patrick This movie is terrible and misinformed. It is as if the filmmakers watched the brilliant Bowfinger and set out to make their own “Chubby Rain” but forgot to make it funny enough to be a parody. Eric McCormack is the biggest star they could get so obviously, the smart actors knew this was absolute garbage. Don't waste your time. D- |
Angels & Demons
Dir: Ron Howard Stars: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor I guess this sequel is harmless. Tom Hanks wasn't a great choice to portray Robert Langdon in The Da Vinci Code, as he seemed a bit too old and a bit too bored with the material...and that sentiment continues here. Ron Howard is still a great director and the movie is crafted well, and Ewan MacGregor is a solid choice as the young, ambitious cardinal, but there just doesn't seem to be the enthusiasm behind the adventure that it would require it to be good cinema. It is as if this was only made for contractual reasons, which it probably was. B- |
Anvil: The Story of Anvil
Dir: Sacha Gervasi 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die One of my favorite documentaries ever, and the one I have seen the most times. Anvil was a heavy metal band who premiered alongside metal royalty such as Metallica and Megadeath, all of which praised Anvil as the best group among them. Fast-forward to present day, and they are failures, forgotten, pathetic, but still hopefully for fame. It is equal parts sad and inspiring to watch these two poor schmucks traipse across Europe, for next to no money, playing in near empty bars and small venues, and performing like they are in Wembly Stadium. I love these guys and their passion for their life's work...even if, to date, it has gotten them nowhere. A- |
Armored
Dir: Nimrod Antal Stars: Columbus Short, Matt Dillon, Laurence Fishburne, Jean Reno This is a profoundly stupid movie. I like myself a good heist film, and with a cast like this one, and a decent director (Nimrod Antal), my hopes were high. Simple, straightforward heists CAN be entertaining. Think of 2001's The Score. Great actors, decent director, nothing special but completely competent. Armored's competence is nonexistent. Other than the main character, there is no motivation for any of these guards to rip off their own trucks. Even a simple "we are crooks" explanation would have sufficed, but it is as if all of these guys just woke up one day and decided to steal $42 million. D |
OSCARS
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Avatar
Dir: James Cameron Stars: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die I am one of those people that think Avatar lives up to all the hype. And I get its gargantuan box-office returns because James Cameron gave us all something we haven't seen before...the best reason to go to the movies. I accentuate seen, because the story is obvious and familiar, being equal parts Ferngully & Pocahontas. But the visuals and the action are so phenomenally perfect that any ordinariness in the plot is completely forgiven. Cameron has an unequaled ability to create a sci-fi epic. I prefer The Abyss for the complete package, but this opus is unlikely anything else. A Bluray |
Away We Go
Dir: Sam Mendes Stars: John Krasinski, Maya Rudolph John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph play a couple who are expecting their first child and are travelling the country in order to find the best place to live. Its a dumb, hippie premise since it takes place in 2009. This isn't the 50s where people can't read yelp reviews from the comfort of their living room. BUT...Sam Mendes made this movie...so it is sweet and pleasant and filmed with way more talent than it deserves. B |
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call-New Orleans
Dir: Werner Herzog Stars: Nicholas Cage, Eva Mendes, Val Kilmer, Shawn Hatosy, Brad Dourif It took a bit, but when I realized that this Herzog affair wasn't about a multiple homicide taking place in post-Katrina New Orleans but about a troubled, outrageous cop who is destroying himself amid the troubled, outrageous city destroyed by that storm. Cage is unhinged in his performance in a way that is borderline ridiculous...but Herzog seems to frame him and direct him in ways that give it a certain perfect brilliance. This is a man that will do ANYTHING to feed his addictions and to get the evidence he needs to solve the murders...but the addictions are the most important. To watch Cage ramp up and up and up as he feeds off his drug-fueled courage and audacity..it is equal parts terrifying and hilarious...but that is a compliment. This is a hysterical movie, with an underlying pitiful sadness that works almost every second. Herzog couldn't help throwing in a bit of his pretentiousness with iguanas, alligators, and break-dancers...but it is forgivable because you are on the Cage roller-coaster. A- |
Battle For Terra
Dir: Aristomenis Tsirbas Voices: Evan Rachel Wood, Luke Wilson, Justin Long Smaller studios really need to do something special when they put out their own animated films if they want to compete with the Pixars, Dreamworks Animations, Sony Pictures Animations, or even Blue Sky Studios. They better have an incredibly original story, incredibly beautiful animation, and/or an incredibly popular voice cast if they want to jump out of obscurity. 2005’s Hoodwinked is a good example of this…mostly because of it’s cast and its screenplay with well toned humor. This film gives it quite a decent effort but doesn’t quite get over that obscurity hump, and hardly anyone will remember it or even know it exists. C- |
Big Man Japan
Dir: Hitoshi Matsumoto Masaru Daisato is the titular character, and he gets huge jolts of electricity to grow to 100ft tall and conquer the encroaching mega-monster threats to Japan. There is a problem though…his fights are boring and anti-climactic, his television ratings are down, he is broke, the populace hates him, he has sunk to tattooing sponsors on his chest and back, his wife has left him, and he never sees his estranged 8-year-old daughter. We know all this because in this absurd movie, a documentary crew is following the man around to learn about what makes Japan’s savior tick. This is one of the strangest movies I have ever seen…but with an ending so side-splittingly funny…I can sort of appreciate it. C+ |
Big Stan
Dir: Rob Schneider Stars: Rob Schneider, David Carradine I guess this is the best film possible when it stars and is directed by Rob Schneider, and is about the fear, preparation, and avoidance of being anally raped in prison. Read that sentence very closely, because it is not a misprint. The movie is specifically focused on the prospect of anal rape. I find that a BIT strange. Most prison comedies OF COURSE have to joke about such a possibility, but to create an entire film that is based on said act of violence, is odd. Big Stan is no better or worse than the other dumb, Rob Schneider comedies, but that isn’t really saying much. D |
Black Dynamite
Dir: Scott Sanders Stars: Michael Jai White Director Scott Sanders and Writer/Actor Michael Jai White had such a cool idea…and it fell apart. I have seen many cinematic attempts to recreate movies from the past. Sometimes they are simply homage with their own modern flair (Grindhouse) and sometimes they fail in miserable proportions (Alien Trespass). With Black Dynamite, the filmmakers set out to recreate a 70s blaxploitation film, and they succeed admirably…for HALF a movie. The first half of of the film is so perfect in its recreation that if you came across it on your TV, you would not know the difference. Then…for some reason, the entire film changes from recreation to parody, and it goes plummeting off the cliff in the most violent, drastic way…making the second half of the film near unwatchable. C- |
OSCARS
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The Blind Side
Dir: John Lee Hancock Stars: Sandra Bullock Open mouth, insert foot. Throughout the 2009 awards season, I sighed at and ridiculed any governing body that awarded The Blind Side or it's star, Sandra Bullock, with any accolades. Every movie-going instinct that I had told me that this movie was going to be corny, sappy, predictable, and clichéd...and I was exactly right. But, you know what? There is a reason certain things become clichés. It is because it is a formula that has withstood the test of time and proven to be effective. This film and its director, John Lee Hancock, grab a hold of their own clichés and knocks them out of the park. Well, I guess my analogies should reflect the film's subject matter. They grab a hold of their own clichés and head for the end zone. There...that is much better. B+ |
The Box
Dir: Richard Kelly Stars: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella If an enigmatic man showed up at your house with a box with a red button on top of it and told you that if you pushed said button, you will receive $1 Million but you will kill somebody you don't know...would you push it? That is the central premise of this film. It follows the couple, their choice, and the hubris that choice contains. it stretches on FAR too long though. This film, start to finish, is a decent Twilight Zone episode, and that's it. There is no way this movie sustains almost a 2hr runtime...so when everything comes to a head at the end...you cease to care because it has been drawn out for what seems forever. C+ |
Bride Wars
Dir: Gary Winick Stars: Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway The idea behind this movie is so gross and horrible that it ceases to be funny. These girls have been best friends their entire lives, and as friends do, they have planned eachother's weddings down to the smallest detail. So when one friend decides to get married on the same day at the same place as the other friend...all hell breaks loose. Even the most casual of friends would never do this. If it did...they wouldn't be friends. This movie paints otherwise wonderful women as the most horrible of superficial garbage-people that you actually despise the characters. If you don't care for anyone and want every wedding to be cancelled and ever groom to go running for the hills...you have ruined your romantic comedy. D- |
OSCARS
Best Costume Design
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Bright Star
Dir: Jane Campion Stars: Abbie Cornish, Ben Whishaw Jane Campion’s film, Bright Star is a film about John Keats (Ben Whishaw), or rather the woman he fell in love with and inspired him to write some of his most immortal pieces. As with Shakespeare in Love, it is quite a task to create a cinematic courtship that is worthy of such iconic, romantic writing…and this film is pretty much up to the task. John Keats died at 25…and the world lost one of her greatest poets…but it was his obsessive, unsatisfied love for his landlady’s daughter, Fanny Brawne (Abbie Cornish) that allowed him to produce such beautiful language. This is a beautiful film, albeit simple and straightforward, about how love is never easy. We have seen it a million times before, in modern times and period pieces, and this time…the story of John Keats has been plugged into that formula. B- |
The Brothers Bloom
Dir: Rian Johnson Stars: Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, Rinko Kikuchi The Brothers Bloom is an odd specimen. This is a movie that so perfectly portrays its central theme, that it becomes a detriment. The film is about two brothers, Bloom (Adrien Brody) and Stephen (Mark Ruffalo), who have lived their entire lives as con men…with Stephen masterminding the cons and Bloom acting out the roles his brother writes. Bloom wants out of his life because he feels like he has played a role his entire life and wants something real. You know that Stephen will guilt him into one last score…but throughout a movie where there are cons, on top of cons, that are cons themselves, that either end, or lead to a new con, or both…these characters ARE nothing more than hollow roles being played out. This film is so concerned with the elaborateness of its plot, it never takes the time to address Bloom’s issues…instead…just making him act out yet another role, and never getting into the core of who he is and what he wants. B- |
Bruno
Dir: Larry Charles Stars: Sacha Baron Cohen Sacha Baron Cohen has pulled out another character from his Da Ali G Show arsenal…this time it is "Bruno". When Borat came out, it effectively poked fun at American prejudices against foreigners. Bruno pokes fun at Americans’ homophobia. The two films are essentially the same, a kind of Greek tragedy formula whereby the foreigner makes a trip, has some initial success, has a massive setback, but all kind of works out all right in the end. Just as with Borat, I can distinctively say where I think the film’s concept is funny and where I think it is stupid. When Sacha Baron Cohen is using real people’s reactions, anger, and discomfort for his comedy, Bruno is absolutely hysterical. When Sacha Baron Cohen is trying to shock ME and the theater audience…the film is stupid. B |
Capitalism: A Love Story
Dir: Michael Moore Michael Moore has the same problem he always has...and that is himself. The man is a very good documentarian, in that he can tackle interesting subjects and present them in accessible entertaining ways. Capitalism running amok is the newest subject he focuses on, and how corporate interests can affect the populace negatively. Fine. Once again however, whenever the man injects himself into the proceedings, it is soap-boxy, preachy, and unpleasant. I don't know why it is, because I usually agree with the man's views and politics...but he has such a weird condescending tone that always seems to land on the unsuspecting and it just isn't nice to watch. B- |
A Christmas Carol
Dir: Robert Zemeckis Stars: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth If you plug “Christmas Carol” into the IMDB search engine, it will return 51 different movie adaptations. What this shows is that Charles Dickens’s classic story is a literary icon…and said icons are usually adapted to the screen relentlessly. Everyone knows the story (about a grizzled old man who hates Christmas but learns the errors of his ways and attitude when three spirits show him his Christmases Past, Present, and Future) but the adaptations people remember always have something significant that sets them apart. The actor who plays Scrooge may be outstanding (George C. Scott, Michael Caine, Patrick Stewart) or the story may be told in a kitschy way (Muppet Christmas Carol). Robert Zemeckis has returned to his performance capture laboratory with Jim Carrey to give us his adaptation…and other than the outstanding, gothic visual style…this is simply, and only, “A Christmas Carol”. That may seem like an odd complaint...but it is. There is nothing really beyond to visuals to get you on board. B- |
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Dir: Paul Weitz Stars: John C. Reilly I'm not really sure what this is supposed to be. A kid meats a vampire at a traveling freak show and then must follow the show around to become a vampire himself? Or something? It is so obvious that this is a poorly-thought out attempt to make the next Twilight franchise...and it fails in almost every single angle. D |
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
Dir: Phil Lord & Christopher Miller Voices: Bill Hader, Anna Faris Before Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Sony Pictures Animation just wasn’t in the “Big Leagues” of animation dominated by Pixar and Dreamworks Animation. With Monster House, Open Season, and Surf’s Up, they showed us that they were competent, but they just lacked that certain spark. With their new, hysterical, fun, romp-of-a-movie, they catapult themselves right into the Animation Elite. This movie is one of the funniest films of the year, with complete slapstick, spoof, and pun-driven comedy that hits its mark nearly every single time. This is not a movie out to sell toys to the youngins…it is a movie out to make us all laugh, and it does so marvelously. B+ |
Cold Souls
Dir: Sophie Barthes Stars: Paul Giamatti, David Strathairn, Emily Watson Imagine a scenario where there was a company that offered you the opportunity to extract your own soul and place it in cold storage so you can be unburdened for a while. They have a machine that looks a lot like an MRI, and when they get your soul out, they present it to you in an airtight canister, and you can put it in a locker and visit it any time you want to. It is ridiculous, but it is a scenario that belongs in the fiction section next to Charlie Kaufman’s screenplays. This film is about this very idea, and I truly love when I stumble across such pleasantly quirky films. If you can imagine the problems, twists, and issues with being able to extract one’s soul for storage…then you will be pleased to know that this film, written and directed by relative newcomer, Sophie Barthes, touches on every one of them. The idea isn’t everything though, the real genius is the casting of Paul Giamatti, playing himself…or a version of himself that is exactly what we all think of him as. What other actor can you think of that seems to have his soul weighing him down more that Giamatti? Exactly!! B+ |
The Collector
Dir: Marcus Dunstan Oh, the things I will go see when I get a free ticket from one of my Frequent Movie Goer Points cards. I had gotten the free pass when buying my previous ticket, wanted to see two movies back-to-back, and had just come out of The Time Traveler’s Wife. I loved that film and wanted to see something whose time matched up and was ENTIRELY different. The Collector fit the bill. It is a horror movie by the writers of the last 3 Saw movies, and it didn’t get the scathing reviews one would have expected when it was released a few weeks ago. So I figured, “What the hell?”, and I gave it a shot. It wasn’t as awful as I had feared...but isn't much more than a booby-trapped house movie. C- |
Confessions of a Shopaholic
Dir: P.J. Hogan Stars: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth Unless you are an extremely talented, comedic filmmaker…making fun of financial irresponsibility in 2009’s economy isn’t the best idea. Confessions of a Shopaholic feels shallow and misguided because Director PJ Hogan doesn’t quite have the comedic chops to handle it. He is lucky that he has two stars, Isla Fisher and Hugh Dancy, that light up the screen and are a joy to watch. If they weren’t the stars, I bet this film would have been much harder to tolerate…because a young, pretty, ultra-materialistic woman sinking herself further and further into debt just isn’t that much fun to watch. C- |
OSCARS
Best Animated Film
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Coraline
Dir: Henry Selick Voices: Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher If you take equal parts Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride, Being John Malkovich, The Haunting, and Alice in Wonderland, you may come up with something like Coraline, a whimsical, imaginative story about a young girl who feels neglected by her parents and finds a portal in their new house that leads to an alternate universe. I have never been the biggest fan of these stop-motion animated films because I think they really highlight the artificiality of the characters. The animation isn’t as fluid as Corpse Bride, nor is the production design as spooky…but this is an effective fantasy, full of wonder and even some truly creepy moments. B |
Couples Retreat
Dir: Peter Billingsley Stars: Vince Vaughn, Malin Akerman, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, Jon Favreau I can’t really imagine anyone enjoying themselves as they watch Couples Retreat. It is a movie full of gorgeous locales and a cast full of people you would want to hang out with…Vince Vaughn, Malin Akerman, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, John Favreau, Kristen Davis, Faizon Love, and Kali Hawk…but as actors….not their characters. Their characters are either completely unpleasant or characters that have no business being in couples therapy. What this eventually turns out to be is a funless, sour, angering film. I couldn’t laugh at a movie that provides a scenario that is depressing and sad…especially when the comic moments (as rare as they are) almost always fall flat. You can’t laugh at shallow cheaters when they are being shallow and trying to cheat. You can’t laugh when a great couple unnecessarily has a nugget of doubt thrown into their relationship…for no reason. D |
Crank: High Voltage
Dir: Neveldine & Taylor Stars: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam So Chev Chelios is back. The Chiense Mafia who injected him with the poison in the first film realized that he must have the strongest heart of all time, so they take it out of him and replace it with a cheap mechanical heart that is constantly losing charge. Why didn't they just kill him? Who cares. I didn't think they could make a movie more absurd than the first one. Here is an example scene. In the first movie, Statham and Smart have a sex scene on the street up against a mailbox. This one, they are in the middle of a horse track in front of thousands of people. I guess that is a good example of how amped up this movie is (pun intended) B- Bluray |
Dance Flick
Dir: Damien Dante Wayans Stars: Damon Wayans, Jr., Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans I guess it was inevitable that someone would have come up with a spoof movie that skewers the dancing movie craze. I’m glad it wasn’t Friedberg/Setzer…because their parodies are atrocious. When I saw it was the “Wayans Brothers”, I was psyched…because they can certainly pull off spoofs. Unfortunately, it is the new generation of Wayans (Starring Damon Wayans, Jr and Directed by Damien Dante Wayans). A major problem with modern spoofs is that they feel they need to spoof everything pop culture at all times, as many times as possible. I wish they would realize that the best spoofs, historically, actually tell a story as complex as a real movie (Airplane, Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs, The Naked Gun). This is just a hodgepodge mess of misfiring jokes, with a few huge belly laughs thrown in. The fact that the new Wayans generation isn’t as funny as the old is proven when the elder Wayans brothers (Keenan Ivory, Shawn, and Marlon) have the funniest parts in the movie.</p> D DVD |
Dead Girl
Dir: Garcel Sarmeinto & Gadi Harel Buried deep, deep, DEEP underneath the depravity of this thing is an independent movie that treats the zombie archetype like Let the Right One In treated the vampire archetype. When you read the synopsis of the film, about a couple of teens happening upon a trapped female zombie and becoming sexually curious about her, you are quite intrigued in a very dark way. When you watch the movie, and get EXACTLY what the synopsis promises, but nothing else…you feel a bit dirty and embarrassed that you just sat through it. It is a shame, because I can see a good movie just yearning to come out of this film, and there were moments where I was genuinely creeped out and excited for where the movie may be going, but as it is, it is a grotesque, depraved, abomination. D+ |
Did You Hear About the Morgans?
Dir: Marc Lawrence Stars: Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker So a rich, estranged couple witness a murder, have to enter the witness protection program, and are obviously sent to Wyoming and forced to live in a rural community. Really? Is this what passes as a good idea? Well...I like Hugh Grant so that helped a bit. I also saw this film being filmed in NYC. I pass buy the murder site every day on my commute. So that is also cool. C- |
OSCARS
Best Picture
Best Adapted Screenplay Best Editing Best Visual Effects |
District 9
Dir: Neill Blomkamp Stars: Sharlto Copley 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die I have no doubt in my mind, that if benevolent aliens arrived on our planet and hovered above a major city for a few months until we entered there craft to find them sick and dying, that they would all end up like they do in District 9. This film is unlike anything you have ever seen. They have some of the most grotesque looking aliens ever in a major motion picture, but they are humanized more effectively than you would expect. Sure, these “prawns” are gross, with untold technology at their fingertips, but the human race have been persecuting them to astonishing levels for 20 years…and they just want to go home. Our society as it is today, would never allow that. We are a violent, racist species…and this film has all too real a scenario. The fact that it is heavy on the Apartheid allegories just injects some historical precedent onto the events happening in this fictional South Africa. A- |
Donkey Punch
Dir: Oliver Blackburn The graphically titled Donkey Punch is not a terrible movie, but it suffers from a lack of complete originality. I appreciate the fact that it doesn’t get TOO exploitative with the violence (even though the sex is INCREDIBLY exploitative), but after it was all over, it immediately melded into a conglomerate of a hundred other thrillers I have seen where a group of people try to cover up an accident, only to become more and more paranoid about each other and the integrity of their secret. At least it has some hot, British girls in it. C- |
Drag Me to Hell
Dir: Sam Raimi Stars: Alison Lohman, Justin Long What an incredibly huge disappointment. Director Sam Raimi took some time off from Spider-Man movies to make this movie. I had such high hopes. It looked like a demonic possession, black arts, creepy-more-than-scary, slightly goofy thriller a la his Evil Dead movies. What it IS is 90 minutes of things jumping out, making noise, and various fluids leaving certain people’s mouths and entering others’ mouths. That isn’t a joke. What ever happened to CREEPY movies? The days where Father Merrin walked into that bedroom to go face to face with evil personified, and the scene was slow and time was given to bask in the terror, are over. Now…the Father Merrin character always walks into an empty, silent room, hears a few noises in the distance, before being bombarded with incredibly loud, hardly focused images, whose only purpose is to make us jump out of our seats with shock…not curl into our seats with fright. D |
Dragonball Evolution
Dir: James Wong Stars: Justin Chatwin, Chow Yun-Fat, Emmy Rossum Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li and Dragonball Evolution are part of the same pedigree. They have a built in fan base of nerdy 10-25 year old boys and are made to be live action videogames. They are both terrible movies, but Dragonball: Evolution has one-upped the other film enormously. Street Fighter was content in believing that simply having characters from the franchise visible would be enough to keep the audience’s interest. They were wrong. Dragonball also knows it has do throw in some familiarity…but it realizes it needs to tell a story and be fun otherwise to entertain the masses who have never seen a second or read a page of the franchise. Unfortunately, it fails at this attempt…but the attempt is appreciated and makes the movie a bit more tolerable. D+ |
Duplicity
Dir: Tony Gilroy Stars: Clive Owen, Julia Roberts, Tom Wilkinson, Paul Giamatti This is simply a clever movie. Two ex-government agents turned rival industrial spies have to be at the top of their game when one of their companies prepares to launch a major product. There are crosses, double crosses, triple crosses, and so on and so on. It is light-hearted, and the stakes are simply business success...so it is a pretty fun time. B |
Earth
Dir: AListair Fothergill & Mark Linfield If my friend Debbie is reading this right now, I implore her to remember to bring me the DVDs of the BBC documentary series Planet Earth, because if it is anything like this new DisneyNature documentary, then I am in for a real treat. I have read conflicting stories about the origin of this documentary. Some stories say it is an all-star list of Planet Earth clips. Others say it is a compilation of unused footage from Planet Earth. Still, others say it is simply done by brains behind the series. To me…it makes no difference. I have not yet seen the original BBC series, so Earth was a refreshingly beautiful, albeit devastating look at some of the most harsh migratory patterns across our planet. I think I would have been better prepared for its harshness if the title was Hungry, Exhausted, and On the Dinner Menu, but I was enthralled all the same. B+ |
The Edge of Love
Dir: John Maybury Stars: Keira Knightley, Sienna Miller, Cillian Murphy, Matthew Rhys I literally despised the first hour of The Edge of Love. There was no narrative structure, a complete meandering storyline, and no general focus on who, or what, the film was about. In a word, the film was “babbling”. However, by the closing 30-40 minutes sucked me in and I was intrigued…almost to the point of enthrallment. The film STILL had no narrative structure, storyline, or focus…but something happened where I perked up in my seat and really enjoyed what was happening. It must be the work of the 4 actors in this film that made it tolerable, because Director John Maybury had previously had an unfocused, meandering movie with The Jacket. When all was said and done, I was happy…because The Edge of Love had pulled a successful 180 of sorts. C+ |
Extract
Dir: Mike Judge Stars: Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Kristen Wiig, JK Simmons Mike Judge has completely lost his gift. Office Space is one of the greatest cult comedy classics ever…and it is still as funny today as it was back in 1999. His follow-up movie, Idiocracy, had a lot of funny ideas in it, but its execution can only be described as amateurish. Now, he brings us Extract, a movie populated with some of my favorite talents (Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, JK Simmons, Mila Kunis, Kristen Wiig) but turns out to be phenomenally unfunny. It’s not as if the jokes fail…but there seems to be an incredible, unbelievable ABSENCE of jokes. I sat there in the theater, literally looking around the theater, to see if I was missing something. I was in a good mood and had a good day at work…but this film was just falling flat at nearly every turn. In fact, there is only one specific reason I didn't give it an F…and that is the character played by David Koechner. He plays a neighbor that is so archetypically annoying…he is as identifiable as Gary Cole’s Bill Lumbergh from Office Space. D- |
Fanboys
Dir: Kyle Newman Stars: Jay Baruchel, Kristen Bell, Dan Fogler I had an epiphany while watching this film last night. I am a pretty severe Star Wars geek. I’m not going to be camping out in front of theaters dressed like Han Solo any time soon…but throughout Fanboys, the main group of geeks are continuously tested with their knowledge of the Star Wars Universe. I couldn’t believe that I knew every single piece of trivia. “What is Luke’s call sign at the end of Episode IV?” I knew it was Red 5. “Who is Luke’s gunner in the speeder at the beginning of Episode V?” I knew it was Dak. “What is Chewbacca’s home planet?” Yep. I even knew that that was Kashyyk. Kind of embarrassing equating myself to the band of misfits that populates Fanboys, a satiating film about being a Star Wars nerd, but pretty uneven and stupid otherwise. C |
OSCARS
Best Animated Film
Best Original Score |
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Dir: Wes Anderson Voices: Geroge Clooney, Meryl Streep, Bill Murray Wes Anderson is a unique filmmaker. His last 3 films, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, and The Darjeeling Limited all have a similar cinematic style that isn't quite grounded in reality. It is more grounded in archetypes, and it is always a refreshing departure from the banality that is found in so many character study films. It was quite surprising when I learned not only was he tackling a Roald Dahl story...but also he is doing it via stop-motion animation...and with animals with real fur. If you know what entails stop-motion filmmaking, and have seen how well it can be done in A Nightmare Before Christmas and Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, then you will appreciate what an accomplishment Fantastic Mr. Fox is. Most of its entertainment can be lent do it's visual style and the creative animation process, because the story is pretty simple and silly. B- |
Fast & Furious
Dir: Justin Lin Voices: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster After a breathtaking opeing sequence of the heist of a gas truck, my hopes were very high...but it is almost no time until the movie falls back into the exact same formula. Again, criminal masterminds are apparently still using street racers as crime mules. Again, Vin Diesel has his reason to be there and Paul Walker has his. At a point their goals are in conflict, and then they line up, and then Paul Walker will defy the FBI in order to help Vin Diesel...simply because his sister is hot. Same old same old...but there is more money getting injected into it so it could be a whole lot worse. C |
The Final Destination
Dir: David R. Ellis Stars: Krista Allen First…and admission. I am inexplicably a HUGE fan of the Final Destination franchise. There is something about rush that the omniscience the audience holds during those movies that makes them so exhilarating for me. We know these people are going to die…and they kind of do as well…we just have to sit back and wait for Rube Goldberg to grab a hold of them and shower us with bloody and gory satisfaction. It is a formula that worked so well for 3 installments…but now we get the 4th and assumingly last one, The Final Destination. This is a movie that is so in love with 3D technology…that it completely and utterly forgot that the reason these movies are fun is the creative deaths….not 3D effects. D |
Fired Up
Dir: Will Gluck Stars: Eric Christian Olsen, Nicholas D'Agosto, John Michael Higgins Fired Up is a deformed hybrid of many other movies. It is part Bring it On, part, Wedding Crashers, and part Not Another Teen Movie. It is the story of two best friends in high school, Shawn (Nicholas D’Agosto) & Nick (Eric Christian Olsen), who are not looking forward to two weeks of football camp in El Paso, Texas. They are compulsive tail-chasers and are miffed by the prospect of spending 14 days without any women around. They figure football isn’t all that important since they only joined to get ass anyway, so they decide to join the cheerleading squad, and then go to cheer camp, and be surrounded by 300 hottie cheerleaders. See? Isn’t that HILARIOUS!!!!???!!! Whatever. It's fine. C DVD |
FAQ About Time Travel
Dir: Garreth Garavick Stars: Chris O'Dowd, Anna Faris This movie truly is tailor-made for me. It has the dry British wit and the Sci-Fi know how that perks me up. Three British friends are in a pub talking about the logistics of time-travel movies, and then inadvertently solve the mystery of time travel on the back of a bar napkin. And then they enter all sorts of timelines, futures, and pasts that is always funny, always interesting, and always brain-twisting in the best of ways. A- |
Friday the 13th
Dir: Marcus Nispel Stars: Jared Padalecki The remake of Friday the 13th is the second slasher movie I have seen this year. There is a huge difference between this and My Bloody Valentine 3D. I hated this film and thought My Bloody Valentine 3D was a hoot. There are many reasons for this. The only way a slasher film can be scary is if the victims act rationally and realistically, and get killed in spite of their actions. The fact that even if they act as they should they would still be killed, really accentuates the helplessness and therefore, the fear. Neither of these two movies were scary. They only other way slasher movies can be appreciated are if they are made tongue in cheek…which My Bloody Valentine 3D certainly achieved. That film had no delusions of trying to accomplish high art. Friday the 13th has a sense that it thinks it will win the Best Picture Oscar for 2009…and that makes it awful. D |
Funny People
Dir: Judd Apatow Stars: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann George Simmons is the biggest comedy star in the world. He has millions of admirers, millions of dollars, a palatial estate in California, women falling at his feet, and he is still hysterical. He has everything…including Acute Myeloid Leukemia…and there is nothing anyone can really do for him but take a shot in the dark with some experimental Canadian drugs. With such a death warrant, George Simmons decides to head back out on the standup circuit, and this is where he meets up with Ira Wright, a young struggling comic who is hired to write George some jokes. This is the basis of the incomparable Judd Apatow’s new film, Funny People, which is, in all honesty, a drama with some very funny parts thrown in. The film is definitely the most unbalanced of Apatow’s films, with a superb first half and a trainwreck sitcom second half. And it is FAR too long to the point of irritating indulgence by the filmmakers. C+ |
Gamer
Dir: Neveldine & Taylor Stars: Gerard Butler, Michael C. Hall, Ludacris I would never accuse a movie brought to us by Neveldine/Taylor (Crank 1 & 2) of having any brains, and I doubt anyone would disagree with me. What they can bring is a bunch of creative, exciting action…all shown in that hyper-kinetic style that kind of makes your head hurt. With their new film, Gamer, their reach FAR exceeds their grasp. The scientific and philosophical undertones of this film are far too advanced for this action duo to handle. I wonder what this film would have been like in the hands of Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze. I suspect much smarter, more clever, and far more fleshed out. D+ |
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Dir: Mark Waters Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Emma Stone, Michael Douglas The premise of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was cute enough (a story about a chronic womanizer visited by ghosts a la A Christmas Carol on the eve of his kid brother’s wedding), but the execution of this premise was sloppy, boring, and simply not clever enough. Matthew McConaughey used to be a swell actor in decent films (A Time to Kill, Contact) but he has downgraded to being in uninspired, romantic comedy, crap (this, Failure to Launch, Fool’s Gold). He has not come across as a real person in about 5 movies…he is on screen to try to make the women swoon I guess. But if women are swooning for such a beefcake with NOTHING going on upstairs, I feel sorry for them. D+ |
Gigantic
Dir: Matt Aselton Stars: Paul Dano, Zooey Deschanel, John Goodman A mattress salesman finds his plan to adopt a Chinese baby augmented by the arrival of a young woman, who comes into his workplace, falls asleep on one of the beds, and starts to affect his life upon waking up. There is almost no reason to care. This is 100% a bore of a movie. It is astonishing because I love the cast. D |
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Dir: Stephen Sommers Stars: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid Is it possible for a single sequence in a movie to elevate the entire experience, even if the rest of it was just ok? I think it is, because Stephen Sommers’s new film, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra has such a scene. The film is a 2-hour action climax, never letting up for a second, and full of quips, explosions, and ridiculousness. But there is a scene where Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) put on what is called an “Accelerator Suit”, which is basically what Iron Man uses without the flight. When we watch these two soldiers running and leaping through the streets of Paris in pursuit of the enemy, the entire theater sat up in their seats, cheered out loud, and loved every second of it. Every time I think of the film now, I think of that scene, of how big the smile was across my face, and how it immediately became one of my favorite scenes of the year. It rose the film from a C-grade mediocre bombardment to a B-grade hoot-and-holler fest. B |
The Girlfriend Experience
Dir: Steven Soderbergh Stars: Sasha Grey This is a very odd film, whereby the stunt of hiring a porn star to be in a Steven Soderbergh movie is the sole purpose and focus of the film. The premise is a call-girl being hired to offer companionship and intimacy beyond the usual prostitution. But when you really get down to it...Sasha Grey is a pornstar...and it is very obvious that she doesn't have the chops to carry this movie...and therefore the movie is kind of pointless. Then again...it IS a Soderbergh movie. C- |
Good Hair
Dir: Jeff Stilson Stars: Chris Rock If you are a man, and you have a significant other, then you have an idea about how much time and money your woman spends on her hair. I have a wife, and of course, I always think she is gorgeous, even when she gets up in the morning. Even so, she spends an exponentially larger amount of time on her hair than any man I know. When we go on vacation, her toiletry case is about four times as heavy as mine. Even with this realization, after watching Chris Rock's documentary, she doesn't hold an Indian hair weave candle to black women. The harsh chemicals, the weaves, the time, and the expense that the black woman community spends on their hair is astronomical and unbelievable. Might be a strange subject for such a funny comedian to conquer, but as he states early on in the film... He wanted to find out if his young daughters were ready for their first "Kiddie Perm". C+ |
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
Dir: Neil Brennan Stars: Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames, Kathryn Hahn, Craig Robinson This is a profoundly stupid movie. Sometimes…profoundly stupid inevitably leads to some good belly laughs…but in the end…you realize that it is just stupid. This film, directed by first-timer, Neil Brennan (and produced by the Talladega Nights & Step Brothers peeps), is about a group of misfits that are famous for selling cars. When a dealership is desperate, they call in Don Ready (Jeremy Piven) and his crew (Ving Rhames, David Koechner, and Kathryn Hahn) and they move cars in ways you could not imagine. The problem is…this movie doesn’t show us a lot of their selling prowess…instead, they show us goofball interactions between the locals of Teluca, CA, the other dealers, and the owner’s hot daughter who’s fiancée is the head of a “man-band”. D+ |
The Good, the Bad, the Weird
Dir: Jee-Woon Kim Stars: Kang-Ho Song, Byung-Hun Lee 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die Man oh man is this glorious entertainment. This movie is honestly a mashup of spaghetti westerns, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Mad Max. It is hyper-violent, action-packed, meticulously directed and edited, and funny. It has everything you'd want from a big budget blockbuster and it just happens to have been made in Korea. There isn't much delving into characters or themes...but that is not what this movie was about. I wouldn't change a THING. A Bluray |
Grace
Dir: Paul Solet Stars: Jordan Ladd So a mother has a miscarriage and then insists on carrying the baby to term. First of all...I don't know how a dead baby grows to full term...but I digress. Then said baby is basically born a vampire. Again...how? The movie never takes time to explain it. It just gives us the premise and runs with it. Ok...whatever. The movie is certainly creepy and disturbing...but the mythos behind it is just absent and therefore it feels pretty stupid. C- |
The Great Buck Howard
Dir: Sean McGinley Stars: John Malkovich, Colin Hanks, Emily Blunt Often times, I use the word “Harmless” when reviewing some movies. Previously, I called movies like Nim’s Island, Get Smart, and College Road Trip “harmless”, because with their simplicity, their enthusiasm, and their tone…it is hard to either trash them or overly praise them. The Great Buck Howard is another such movie. It clocks in at a trim 89 minutes, it stars John Malkovich, Colin Hanks, Emily Blunt, Ricky Jay, and Tom Hanks, and it follows an exuberant mentalist as he resurges from obscurity only to fall back into it. I enjoyed it, but can’t really specifically find much to recommend about it. I’d be hard pressed to explain anything that is WRONG with the film…but it certainly won’t knock your socks off either. B- |
Halloween II
Dir: Rob Zombie Stars: Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell Rob Zombie had something special when he remade Halloween. He was never going to improve on John Carpenter's masterpiece, but his version was gritty, scary, and dangerously gave a bit of backstory to Michael Meyers, something that could have gone horribly wrong. Then he spoiled it all by making the sequel just another stupid slasher film. Then man has an artistic vision, but it is wasted here. C |
The Hangover
Dir: Todd Phillips Stars: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die Director Todd Philips (Old School) must have been watching Dude, Where’s My Car and thought to himself, “This is stupid! Why do you need aliens, cults, transvestites, and borderline homoeroticism? Why not slap it with a hard R-rating and go for broke?” This is essentially what he does with The Hangover, a much more vulgar, absurd, but hilarious version of Dude, Where’s My Car…but the guys have lost their best friend instead of a car. When this kind of blacked-out night happens in Vegas…you know the situations are going to get hairy...and hilarious. A- Bluray |
OSCARS
Best Cinematography
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Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Dir: David Yates Stars: David Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint There are a bunch of new things circulating around the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There is fear, worry, evil plots, and most of all, this time around, hormones. In the darkest, most grown-up Harry Potter film yet…there seems to be equal weight to both the story about finding out who Voldemort was and why he is so powerful and the story about who likes whom and will they hook up. If these high-school thematics were not done just right, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince would have been a corny, unnecessary snooze fest. Watching the film and watching the emotions running rampant between Harry (Daniel Radcliff), Ron (Rupert Grint), Hermione (Emma Watson), and Ginny (Bonnie Wright), I realized that over the last 8 years, and 6 movies, I have really come to care for these characters. That personal investment in what happens to them makes Half Blood Prince an exciting adventure worthy of the series. B+ Bluray |
The Haunting in Connecticut
Dir: Peter Cornwall Stars: Virginia Madsen I guess I just have to accept the fact that the chances of me being truly scared by any modern movies is basically nil. Obviously I don’t expect to be scared by slasher movies…but I usually hold out hope for the paranormal stuff. There has to be a problem with your movie if during the massive climax, I only had two things on my mind: Why on EARTH doesn’t the house smell God awful and There is no way a terminally ill cancer patient at the twilight of his prognosis would EVER be able to swing an ax that many times with that much force. I should have been terrified at that portion of The Haunting in Connecticut…but I was just angry at the stupidity. D+ |
He's Just Not That Into You
Dir: Ken Kwapis Stars: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore I have a bunch of George Carlin’s stand-up material on CD. I’m not sure exactly which album provides the following anecdote, but I think it sums up both the book and the film adaptation of Greg Behrendt’s He’s Just Not That Into You. It goes as follows: ”Women are crazy. Men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” That really does sum up this mish-mashed ensemble rom-com, chock full of some of my favorite actors/actresses. Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Connelly, Justin Long, Ginnifer Goodwin, and of course…my girl…Drew Barrymore. It is a lot of fun to watch the film unfold and even if it isn’t entirely coherent as a whole, the individual parts are quite entertaining and fun. It is all interconnected, however loosely, but it encompasses most issues people have in their relationships. It is similar to Love Actually in the ensemble rom-com pedigree, but that film actually focused on the creation of these troubled relationships whereby He’s Just Not That Into You focuses on defining and nurturing relationships. B- |
Horsemen
Dir: Jonas Akerland Stars: Dennis Quaid, Ziyi Zhang I should just trust my instincts. I should have realized that this movie was going to be this bad. Michael Bay produced it, high-profile names like Dennis Quaid, Clifton Collins, Jr., and Ziyi Zhang star in it, and it still got such a limited release that it doesn’t even register any box office data. This brings about two possibilities…that when it was released, no one actually paid to see it, or it was only released in the most remote, inaccessible theater to simply live up to contractual obligations. Neither one would have surprised me, because this movie is a huge, steaming pile of cow flop. Yeah…that’s right…I just paraphrased Major League II, a far superior movie. I know it is totally irrelevant, but that is how interested I am in talking about this movie. D- |
OSCARS
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The Hurt Locker
Dir: Kathryn Bigelow Stars: Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die I’ve always has nothing but respect and admiration for American soldiers, but after watching what EOD (Explosive Ordinance Disposal) squads do in the line of duty, as portrayed in this film, that respect and admiration has reached new heights. Kathryn Bigelow’s visceral direction gives us a riveting exhibition about the last weeks of the tour of Bravo Company…specifically their EOD squad. It isn’t a story per se, but more of a chronicle of what these guys do and how these guys feel day in and day out. It is a good thing that the three main guys in the squad, Staff Sergeant William James (Jeremy Renner), Sergeant JT Sandborn (Anthony Mackie), and Specialist Owen Eldridge (Brian Geraghty) are so incredibly good, or else the one-dimensionality of the film would be a bit grating. As it is, with those performances and such great direction, it is a well-done, tension-filled experience. B+ |
I Love You, Beth Cooper
Dir: Chris Columbus Stars: Hayden Panettiere, Paul Rust I kind of like this premise, where the school valedictorian takes his graduation speech as a chance to bear his soul to the hottest girl in school. I just think, other than Panettiere, this is terribly cast. Paul Rust is awful, and was 28 when this film was made so its impossible to buy him as a high-schooler. His best friend, the bully, Beth Cooper's entourage...they are all just so bad. The premise KIND of holds the film together...but barely. C+ DVD |
I Love You, Man
Dir: John Hamburg Stars: Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Rashida Jones I still can’t decide as to whether or not my constant nervousness and uncomfortable feeling while watching I Love You, Man was a positive or a drawback. On the one hand, the film strikes the perfect chord of realism, avoiding ANY exaggerations or falsehoods throughout the film. On the other hand, being so worried about the well-being and happiness of the characters softens a lot of the humor and makes the movie somewhat centrist between comedy and drama. This film is certainly not a drama, especially with talents like Paul Rudd and Jason Segel headlining, but the truisms in the film make it sweet, heartfelt, and not as riotous as say Forgetting Sarah Marshall was. B- |
The Informant!
Dir: Steven Soderbergh Stars: Matt Damon, Joel McHale, Tony Hale, Scott Bakula My take on The Informant! is that it is sort of like Steven Soderbergh's version of the Coen Brothers' Burn After Reading, only much more tolerable. Like the latter, the former is pretty much about someone in WAY over their head. This time, however, said person is quite intelligent and although his methods are ill-advised, he almost pulled the whole thing off. There is almost a tangible moment where The Informant! passes that point of no return in it's ludicrous factor, but Matt Damon is a pleasure to watch, and the supporting casting is inspired, so that goes a long way. B+ DVD |
OSCARS
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Inglourious Basterds
Dir: Quentin Tarantino Stars: Brad Pitt, Melanie Laurent, Christophe Waltz 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die IMDB #96 This film is not quite the movie you think it is. The trailers might lead you to believe that the film is about Brad Pitt and his group of Jewish-American soldiers that brutally kill Nazis. It isn’t…because Brad Pitt and his band of brutes are only in about half the movie. You might think it is about a certain part of World War II history. It isn’t…because Quentin Tarantino totally disregards history and only uses WWII and the Nazis as a setting for his fictional story. You may think that at its 2 hour 30 minute runtime, the film is an epic story. It isn’t…because it is only about 15 minutes of plot with a bunch of Tarantino-esque diatribes and conversations that stretch out for an incredible amount of time, padding that 2:30. You may think this is a great American movie for American audiences to sink their teeth into. It isn’t…because 85% of the movie is in French or German…almost to the level that this movie could possibly be eligible for a Foreign Language Oscar. All that being said, Inglourious Basterds is a good movie…not nearly one of Tartantino’s best offerings, but it is interesting and full of Quentin’s own flair. B DVD |
Inkheart
Dir: Iain Softley Stars: Brendan Fraser, Any Serkis, Paul Bettany I love it when I come across the movie that I know in my heart is not made as well as it could have, but so sparks my own imagination and sense of adventure, that I become completely enamored by it. Inkheart is a movie like this. It is a movie that starts off with a really fun premise surrounding one's ability to speak fictional characters and situations into existence, populates the screen with outstanding actors, provides excellent special effects, and just all-around gave me that magical feeling of being a kid again. B+ DVD |
The International
Dir: Tom Tykwer Stars: Clive Owen, Naomi Watts The International plays like a pitch to a studio executive about a movie called The International. Here is how I would pitch the movie to a studio executive. So, there is this bank that is evil. It does arms dealing and meddles in international affairs. It is very powerful. The main character is a brooding Interpol Agent hell-bent on taking this bank down…and that is a dangerous escapade. The movie that was made was no more interesting or complicated than that pitch. Sure they got people like Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, and Armin Mueller-Stahl. Sure they got the extremely talented Tom Tykwer to direct it. Sure they built a real life replica of the Guggenheim museum for the big shoot out….but this movie is hollow, simple, and incredibly dull. D |
OSCARS
Best Adapted Screenplay
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In the Loop
Dir: Armando Iannucci Stars: Peter Capaldi, James Gandolfini, Tom Hollander 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die This is an incredibly clever screenplay that follows the source, use, and dispensation of sensitive material that America and Britain are handling in order to prevent a breakout of war. I don't think it really works cinematically though. It is one of those movies where the characters talk and talk and talk, and that is about it. Even if that talk crackles with wit...it doesn't QUITE pull it off as a well-rounded movie. B- |
The Invention of Lying
Dir: Ricky Gervais & Matthew Robinson Stars: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Jonah Hill, Rob Lowe This film really exhibits how smart and subversive Ricky Gervais is. He creates brilliant comedy where there is a society where the ability to lie doesn't exist, showing us how much we lie every day. Then, when his character discovers the ability to lie...the film naturally segues into development of religion. It is cynical but it is not disrespect religion, or religious people. It just points out how easily gullible people can be controlled. Introspective, smart, and incredibly funny. B+ Bluray |
It's Complicated
Dir: Nancy Meyers Stars: Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin It's not hilarious or deep, but it is a mature comedy so it gets points there. Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin are a divorced couple with adult children, and they start sleeping together again. Obviously this creates some problems, best personified by the hilarious quandaries shown by John Krasinski. It's a charming little movie but doesn't do anything too groundbreaking. It is nice to see Streep do silly little comedies though. She doesn't do that enough. B- DVD |
Jennifer's Body
Dir: Karyn Kusama Stars: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried Some people had a problem with Diablo Cody’s Juno…not because the screenplay was bad and didn’t tell a good story (it won the Oscar), but because the way the characters talked was a bit unnatural. Now comes Diablo Cody’s follow-up. She has gone from a heartfelt tale of a pregnant, rebellious teenager trying to come to grips with choosing a family for her unborn child to a exploitative horror movie about a demonic cheerleader. People still talk a bit oddly, but this time around…the story is dull and stupid. It is obvious that there is really no need to tell a coherent story with Jennifer’s Body with the hypersexualization of Megan Fox. It is also obvious that the filmmakers thought the promise of a scantily clad Megan Fox and the eventual lesbian kiss between her and Amanda Seyfried would give them box office success. I have been reviewing and watching movies long enough to be able to tell when a movie is simply made to try to make money and when a movie actually has something to say and can be elevated to a piece of art. Jennifer’s Body is SO the former. D |
OSCARS
Best Actress
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Julie & Julia
Dir: Nora Ephron Stars: Meryl Streep, Amy Adams, Stanley Tucci This movie is told in two halves, and they are NOT equal halves. Meryl Streep portraying Julia Child as a woman entering French cooking school is interesting, heartfelt, and wonderful. The story of Amy Adams as a privileged upper-middle class blogger finding purpose in cooking every recipe in Child's book feels forced and shallow in comparison. A story about a woman struggling in a man's world put up against a story about an affected woman being frustrated with her blog don't mesh. Still...Streep shines and makes it worth your while. B |
Knowing
Dir: Alex Proyas Stars: Nicholas Cage, Rose Byrne Director Alex Proyas has an unusual, yet uncanny ability to entertain his audience in deep, profound, philosophical ways…even while the audience may not know (or aren’t supposed to know) exactly what is going on. Dark City, a movie about a race of aliens using a handful of humans and their own telepathic/telekinetic abilities to alter reality in order to study human nature, is near impossible to wrap you brain around while being somewhat fascinating at the same time. Does anyone really know what the conclusion of I, Robot was trying to say? I dare you to explain it. Now we get Knowing, a movie about determinism vs. free will. About the end of the world. Or is it about religion vs. science? Or is it about finding one’s faith? I don’t really know…but it sure was engrossing. B- |
Land of the Lost
Dir: Brad Silberling Stars: Will Ferrell, Danny McBride Land of the Lost, directed by Brad Silberling (Lemony Snicket, Casper), is quite an odd, conflicting film. Watching it, I got the distinct impression that the original meeting involved Will Ferrell and the filmmakers deciding to remake the cult classic TV show “Land of the Lost” by Sid & Marty Krofft…but there were no subsequent meetings. Should it be an R-rated comedy or should it be fun, family fare? No one ever decided. How should the special effects be, realistic or deliberately corny? No one ever decided. Who should be the lead girl? Anna Friel? Why? It’s a hodgepodge of hit and miss….with the misses so awkwardly obviously that I kept wondering whom this movie was for. With short, Mer-men walking around in cheap Halloween costumes at one point, I thought it was campy fun for the whole family. When Danny McBride started to masturbate to a primitive sacrificial ceremony…I didn’t know what to think. C Bluray |
Law Abiding Citizen
Dir: F. Gary Gray Stars: Jamie Foxx, Gerard Butler I'm always complimenting R-rated thrillers that are gritty and fierce because they have the courage to stick by their artistic guns while sacrificing the more box-office friendly PG-13. It always seems to be Gerard Butler in these movies, and that is why I like him. Butler plays a man whose wife and child were killed, and the killer was not punished appropriately...and he goes off the rails...and holds the justice system, specifically Jamie Foxx's ADA, responsible. He also has the background to make his revenge possible and dangerous. B DVD |
OSCARS
Best Supporting Actor
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The Lovely Bones
Dir: Peter Jackson Stars: Saoirse Ronan, Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci I have not read Alice Sebold’s novel, The Lovely Bones, and I will tell you why. I knew what the story was, about a 14-year-old girl named Suzie Salmon who is brutally raped and murdered, spending time in a limbo state between Earth and Heaven, and guiding/watching her family and her killer and trying to settle her past and her family’s future. Sounds somewhat inspirational but I was never anxious to read a novel narrated by a young rape/murder victim. When I heard Peter “Lord of the Rings” Jackson was going to be adapting the story for the big screen….my interest peaked. It is hard to explain, but even though it is gorgeously directed and superbly acted throughout, I don’t think Jackson quite had a handle on the material and how to translate it to movies. There was something a little off about the afterlife stuff and the real-life aftermath scenes…they never seemed to coexist properly. I honestly think that if you cut out 90% of Suzie’s experiences in her “own perfect world”, the story wouldn’t have changed much, and that is a shame because those experiences seem to be very important to the story Alice Sebold was trying to tell. B- |
Management
Dir: Stephen Belber Stars: Jennifer Aniston, Steve Zahn, Woody Harrelson Let me talk about Steve Zahn for a moment. Looking back on his filmography…one could make the argument that he is the best thing in every movie he acts in. Sahara? Definitely. Saving Silverman? Definitely. One can even argue that his role in Herzog’s Rescue Dawn was the best part of a great movie. Then there is this movie Management, a small, indie movie that has two stars that are far too big to be in such a simple film. However, once again, Steve Zahn single-handedly makes the movie worth seeing. Jennifer Aniston, once again, is completely interchangeable with any other actress…but she is fine. It is a story that is as unbelievable as it is uncreative and straightforward…but good ol’ Zahn is so much fun to watch…and not just for comedy. C |
Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus
Dir: Ace Hannah Stars: Lorenzo Llamas, Debbie Gibson Back in the days of Blockbuster…I would look at that center shelf on each fixture. They were usually chockfull of gems like 100 Million BC and Lesbian Vampire Killers…movies that are so absurd and so poorly made that they can only be brought to Blockbuster as a straight-to-video failure. Several months ago, one of those incredible titles caught my eye…and that was Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus. Of course, I would never rent such a film, but I couldn’t get over the title, the cover art, and the headlining stars (Deborah Gibson & Lorenzo Llamas). I left it at that. Then I saw the title popping up on cable…but I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. Finally with my interest peaked, I came across it on Netflix. What the hell is wrong with me? F |
The Men Who Stare at Goats
Dir: Grant Heslov Stars: George Clooney, Ewan MacGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey I've noticed something that happens all too often with these quirky comedies that have ridiculously impressive casts. I think the problem is that no one has the balls to tell anyone that what they are doing isn't funny or even good in any other way. This story, about an ex-federal agent who claims to have been a part of a "New Earth" army that uses paranormal abilities for war and espionage, looked good on paper...but too often it is just dumb instead of funny. It really is the only thing I can say about it. And what filmmaker was going to tell Clooney, MacGregor, Bridges, and/or Spacey that their acting is bad and their comic timing is shitty? No one. D |
Micael Jackson's This is It
Dir: Kenny Ortega This is a creepy exhibition focusing on one of the greatest entertainers of all time...who is WAY past his prime. Michael Jackson has devolved into an enigmatic, reclusive, drug-addicted weirdo when he was preparing for this music documentary. To see him perform on stage at what is seemingly 10% ability is incredibly off-putting and sad. If Sinatra had a stroke and were given a concert documentary as he slurred his way through his crooning classics...you'd hate it right? Well...same thing here. The C- is because of the morbid fascination as to how far this icon has fallen. I'm sure that is not the film's intent though. C- |
Miss March
Dir: Zach Cregger & Trevor Moore Stars: Zach Cregger & Trevor Moore A rapper named Horsedick.Mpeg (Craig Robinson) is one of the central characters in Miss March. Writers/Directors/Stars Zach Cregger & Trevor Moore (of The Whitest Kids You Know) are aware that this name, and its constant repetition/correction, is the funniest thing in their movie…so they beat the joke into the ground. It IS funny, I will admit, but it is one of the only funny things in this incredibly vapid comedy where nothing that happens is even REMOTELY realistic. It seems like these days, road comedies where the final destination involves sex with a hot girl, are a dime a dozen. D |
Monsters Vs. Aliens
Dir: Rob Letterman & Conrad Vernon Voices: Reese Witherspoon, Stephen Colbert, Will Arnett, Seth Rogen, Hugh Laurie Just the other day, I was wondering how I felt about the fact that nearly every animated movie coming out in the near future is being released in 3D. Monsters Vs. Aliens is the first animated family film I have seen since the superb Meet the Robinsons, and I have to say that the process of 3D has become flawless, and thus, astonishing. Pixar is always thought of as the pinnacle of modern animation, but DreamWorks Animation is right there nipping at its heels. Monsters Vs. Aliens doesn’t have the knife-edged humor and/or heavy moral tale that the best animated films need to reach greatness, but it has wonderful voice-over work, enough silliness, and an impressive grand scope that makes the film a fantastic experience. Seeing this film on IMAX 3D has got to be the only way to see it. It is the best format imaginable. B |
Moon
Dir: Duncan Jones Stars: Sam Rockwell Once you get past the annoying, HAL-9000 ripoff, voiced by Kevin Spacey…Moon is a clever, mind-bending, intelligent sci-fi movie. While reading synopses, watching trailers, and hearing buzz, I had every belief that I was in store for a time-travel mish-mash, but held together by Sam Rockwell. I was wrong. There is a VERY Sci-Fi explanation for the strange goings on at the base on the dark side of the moon that is not immediately apparent, leaves you confused for a long time, but is ultimately satisfying. Sam Rockwell gets a bunch of props for portraying Sam Bell so touchingly, and manically. Director/Writer Duncan Jones (David Bowie’s son) has created one heck of a movie here, but owes nearly all of his success to his star. B+ |
My Bloody Valentine
Dir: Patrick Lussier With nobody being more surprised than me, I actually didn’t completely hate a horror/slasher movie, presented in and conscious of its 3D format, and released in the cinematically vacuous month of January. This is a horror movie that certainly earns its “R” rating, and flaunts the 3D format in increasingly hilarious and gruesome ways. I usually hate these stupid movies, and this movie is certainly stupid as well, but it has a sense of shocking fun that is pretty infectious. People talk like they are in cheesy 70s horror movies, the nudity is so copious that it goes beyond gratuitousness, and the kills are so graphic, it borders on parody. That’s a lot of fun. C+ DVD |
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Dir: Shawn Levy Stars: Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Robin Williams, Owen Wilson I often talk about believability, plot structure, originality, and other specifics when either praising or trashing films I see. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is somewhat protected from such criticism simply because it continues to play to my own childhood fantasy of spending the night inside the Museum of Natural History and having all the exhibits come to life. Like the first film, this film’s jokes are corny, the acting is over the top, and the story is sitcom-like…but I simply can’t get enough of the concept. I ate it up watching the T-Rex Skeleton, the Easter Island statue, the Egyptian Jackals, and Teddy Roosevelt come to life in the first movie. This time, as the film takes place in the Federal Archives in the Smithsonian in Washington DC, we get so much more. Paintings, pieces of modern art, and classic sculptures are now affected by the Egyptian tablet…and I still love it. B- |
Notorious
Dir: George Tillman, Jr. Stars: Jamal Woolard, Anthony Mackie Biopics like this are all over the place...and for them to be good cinema, they have to inject passion, importance, and purpose into their subjects. This movie just flat out fails at that. I'm a middle-class white guy...so obviously the Notorious B.I.G. was not much on my musical radar growing up...but neither was Anvil, and their documentary is amazing. This is just so straightforward without giving us any reason to care. This film is not much more than rapper-fame-death without discussing the impact on the industry or the public consciousness. That is a shame. C- |
Not Quite Hollywood
Dir: Mark Hartley This is a documentary about the Australian exploitation films from the 70s and 80s. It really is just that. If you like drinking up a bunch of references to cult-status films from back then...then this doc will go down smooth. The hook is that, as the title says, these movies were made without the legal and ethical limitations of Hollywood...so the stunts and the bad taste ran rampant. B- |
Observe and Report
Dir: Jody Hill Stars: Seth Rogen, Anna Faris, Ray Liotta Out of all of the movies I have seen in 2009 thus far, 13.3% of them have been comedies about Mall Cops. Do we really need this many Mall Cop movies? Of course not. Neither of them really did the idea correctly. Paul Blart: Mall Cop was a bit too saccharine and silly. Observe and Report is far too outlandish to overcome it seeming idiotic. However, the latter is the better film, since even though watching an intensely psycho mall cop break skateboards over insolent teens’ heads is absurd past the point of credulity, you can’t help but howl with laughter. Seth Rogen is a funnier incarnation of a mall cop, but with a rated-R tongue and a bit too many screws loose. B- DVD |
Obsessed
Dir: Steve Shill Stars: Idris Elba, Beyonce, Ali Larter I can’t really say that Obsessed is a BAD movie…because it really isn’t…but it brings absolutely NOTHING to the table. If I told you a successful, decent, family man, with a new wife & kid, gets a new beautiful temp in his office that fancies him, and she tries to take advantage of him, but he is having none of it, and things get out of hand…I’m 100% positive you’d be able to tell me what happens in the film, and you’d have this plot when you were done postulating. I guess that is what happens when two of the main producers on the film are Beyonce Knowles and Magic Johnson. It means you have an abundance of money and a void of creativity. It isn’t even rated R so we can really believe how frustrated the man would get or have any really good nakedness. C- |
Orphan
Dir: Jaume Collet-Serra Stars: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman I have written recently, and ad nauseam, about the fact that scary movies should not be conscious about their scariness. Early on, characters should not creep around like they are scared, until there is something to be scared about. As a filmmaker, you must realize that if you begin your movie with ominous music and fake jump-out-of-your-seat moments, you are only conditioning your audience to suspect everything and be on alert at all times. Orphan falls victim to these things early on, and I realized that when during the first hour, nothing scary actually happened. That isn’t a complaint, because the story was well told, well acted, and the characters were given a chance to become multi-dimensional. The problem is that from the outset, there are loud music cues, false alarms, and the usual misdirection as you see in the worst scary movies. I wonder how the tension filled second half of the movie would have been if we were lulled into a false sense of security by a first half played absolutely straight…a story about a troubled family and the new child they have adopted…because beneath the surface, that is what it is. C+ |
Outlander
Dir: Howard McCain Stars: Jim Caveizel It is the glorious cheese and corniness of sci-fi movies like Outlander that makes you appreciate the glorious perfection of sci-fi movies like 2009’s Star Trek. This is one of those movies that was on my radar because of its ridiculous sci-fi story, but I would never have paid to see it in the theaters. When it got released on DVD, I immediately got a hold of it. Even though most of it is amateurish and silly…I can’t deny that it was actually entertaining…in an embarrassing kind of way. I had sort of the same feeling watching this film, where an space-travelling man crash lands in Viking times, as I did when I watched In the Name of the King. There is no reason I should like this movie, but I kind of do…to a degree. C |
Pandorum
Dir: Christian Alvart Stars: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster You know what I hate? I hate violently waking up from a cryogenic sleep, with amnesia, only to find out there is no one else aboard my space vessel except for an army of milky savages hell bent on eating me alive. You know what I REALLY hate? I REALLY hate it when movies are made about that same thing and they are confusing, hectic, and almost purposefully vague and unclear. Pandorum is a sci-fi horror flick in the tradition of Event Horizon that is not made without some talents and admirable techniques…but it is a bit frustrating when you have to catch such off-the-cuff, seemingly meaningless comments by the characters to ever have any sense of what exactly is going on. I was often creeped out, and interested in what was going on aboard the Elysium…but when one sentence, said once by one character is the difference between clarity and total confusion…your movie is not very good. C- |
Paper Heart
Dir: Nicholas Jasenovec Stars: Michael Cera, Charlene Yi I really hated this movie. Charlene Yi is out to make a documentary about love, starring Michael Cera, as Michael Cera, because she loves him or something. They have no chemistry and the premise is so weak that it comes across as just 88 minutes of nonsensical crap. D+ |
Paranormal Activity
Dir: Oren Peli Comparisons between 1999’s The Blair Witch Project and 2009’s Paranormal Activity are inevitable. Both movies were made on shoestring budgets. Both movies starred unknowns and presented as real footage. Both movies made a huge truckload of money. And both movies scared the hell out of moviegoers. Back in 1999 when I saw The Blair Witch Project, I appreciated the fact that my imagination was running wild and efficiently scarring me…but there were many people in the audience that were laughing and huffing when the film was over. When I saw the new Paranormal Activity, there was nervous laughter wafting throughout the theater, but it was all ultimately cries of terror. This film is a great deal scarier than The Blair Witch Project not only because its actors are infinitely more believable and relatable, but because if The Blair Witch Project scared you, you can calm yourself by submitting that you will never go camping. Unfortunately for the audiences of Paranormal Activity, you can’t submit that you will never go to bed again. A- |
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Dir: Steve Carr Stars: Kevin James, Jayma Mays It is a good thing that Kevin James is so likeable, because if he wasn’t, Paul Blart: Mall Cop would have been quite tedious. I think my biggest problem (no pun intended) with this film is that Kevin James’s comedy is entirely focused on self-deprecation about his weight. Sometimes it is funny, but most of the time it is just pathetic and pitiful. I think this film would have been much funnier if James approached the comedy about his weight like Chris Farley did. Chris Farley acted as if he was the fittest, most svelte man in the room (see that classic Chippendales skit with Patrick Swayze). Kevin James is entirely aware of his weight and it makes him more of a tragic figure than a comedic one. There is that old adage: A man wearing a funny hat is not funny. A man wearing a hat he doesn’t realize is funny is hysterical. C |
A Perfect Getaway
Dir: David Twohy Stars: Timothy Olyphant, Milla Jovovich, Steve Zahn, Marley Shelton, Chris Hemsworth Steve Zahn rule again...he is the best thing in the movie. Otherwise, the film is a bit bland for its subject matter whereby a few vacationing couples hang out together only to find out there are some dangerous secrets lurking around. None of the reveals are a surprise, mostly because of the films tone and telegraphing of the twists, but it is tense and exctiing where it needs to be, so it is not awful. C+ |
The Pink Panther 2
Dir: Harald Zwart Stars: Steve Martin, Jean Reno, John Cleese, Emily Mortimer If Steve Martin's portrayal of Inspector Clouseau in the first film didn't irritate you...then this will be fine. But there is nothing new in this film that you didn't get in the first. The slapstick, the absurd accent, the ineptitude...all the same. I miss Kevin Kline, as he was a much better Dreyfuss than John Cleese. C |
Pontypool
Dir: Bruce McDonald Stars: Stephen McHattie This is a neat little, theater of the imagination, horror film. Things are happening outside and a disc jockey and his team are trying to make sense of it with the little information they are being fed through eyewitnesses, their traffic correspondent and callers. When the film gets around to giving us a taste of what is happening...it gets a bit hokey...but it is a fun experience nonetheless. I just don't think any film like this will ever again reach the Majesty of Locke...now THAT was a triumph. B- |
Powder Blue
Dir: Timothy Linh Bui Stars: Jessica Biel, Ray Liotta, Eddie Redmayne, Forest Whitaker This is one of those movies that are ULTRA serious about bringing a handful of characters' stories together across a night in Los Angeles. The performances are what keeps this film's head above water, because the stories of a Mortician, a suicidal ex-priest, and ex-con, and a stripper turns into random who-cares territory. C+ |
OSCARS
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Precious
Dir: Lee Daniels Stars: Gabourey Sidibe. Mo'nique, Paula Patton 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die This film received many accolades, deservedly, throughout the 2009 film awards season. However, even though I concede that this is an absolutely brilliant film, there is no way anyone can really ENJOY watching this film. Unlike my other 4-star films from 2009 (Avatar, Up, Star Trek, and A Serious Man), Precious is a visceral powerhouse of a film whose strength comes from it's near devastatingly unwatchable nature, vast personal feelings of pity, and utter emotional depression that the viewer is overcome with. The only time I will ever want to watch this film again will be to witness others' reaction to it...because the raw reaction is more palpable and moving than one would get from any other movie that I have seen in a long time. A |
The Proposal
Dir: Anne Fletcher Stars: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds Too often I can't stand obvious Rom-Coms...but this one with Bullock and Reynolds strikes just the right charming balance to get the passing grade. Bullock is the hardcore bitch of a boss. Reynolds is her assistant that endures her in hopes of advancing her career. When Bullock learns she may well be deported back to Canada, she stages a fake engagement with Reynolds...and hilarity ensues as they visit his family. Even though every plot device is a cliche...these two actors really show their star power. B |
Public Enemies
Dir: Michael Mann Stars: Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Marion Cotillard Most of the criticism for Public Enemies this summer has been in regards to its story…and I think that criticism is spot on. I left the film trying to think of a way to verbalize that hollow feeling the film left me with, and I came up with this. Public Enemies doesn’t have a story to tell…it has a story to enact. It doesn’t tell us the story about John Dillinger (Johnny Depp), his girlfriend Billie Frechette (Marion Cotillard), or the agent hot on his tail, Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale). Rather, it shows what happened during the hunt for Dillinger. We get a lot of cool shootouts, some swell acting, and some great old-timey atmosphere. What we don’t get is any kind of dimension to any characters or any kind of national attitude toward Dillinger, who was essentially a notorious national icon. B- |
Push
Dir: Paul McGuigan Stars: Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, Camilla Belle, Djimon Hounsou I guess mediocre, Sci-Fi fare is becoming an annual tradition in February. Last year, we were given Jumper, a movie with fine performances, good special effects, and fun action, all held together with an atrocious screenplay and story. This year, we are given Push, a movie with fine performances, good special effects, and fun action, all held together with an atrocious screenplay and story. Yep…they are that similar. Actually, this film could have been called Jumper 2, no joke, as long as the story line involved the death of all of the world’s Jumpers…leaving behind quite a menagerie of other powerful beings…all being chased down by an intense, black actor (this time it is Djimon Hounsou). C |
Race to Witch Mountain
Dir: Andy Fickman Stars: Dwayne Johnson, Carla Gugino Jack Bruno (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) is a taxi driver in Las Vegas. He is trying to go straight after working as a wheelman for the local mob boss. Lucky for him, two Hitler Youth teens have arrived in his cab, offering a massive amount of money, to drive them to the middle of the desert. The money seems to be enough to get Jack Bruno to make the drive…but nothing he does after he arrives at their destination makes any sense. Race to Witch Mountain is a ridiculous film, with sporadic entertainment sprinkled throughout. It is a good thing that The Rock has so much machismo and charisma on screen, because it seems that Disney felt that no one really had to act in any logical way in this film…as long as things go boom, the action is fun, and the kids in the audience keep focused on the screen. C- |
The Road
Dir: John Hillcoat Stars: Viggo Mortensen, Robert Duvall, Charlize Theron As a reader and admirer of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, I was quite excited to see the drab, devastating atmosphere brought to the screen. John Hillcoat directs Viggo Mortensen as “Father”, and it is quite a remarkably made film. In print, The Road is a story about a nameless man and his son trekking across an apocalyptic landscape, searching for the coast, and avoiding the cannibalistic other survivors. On film, The Road is a slow-moving, beautifully designed nightmare that makes you feel deep seeded emotion, even though you are not quite sure what the theme is, what the plot is (other than the simple need to survive), or what the film is trying to portray. Good thing Mortensen turns in a spectacular performance. B+ |
Saw VI
Dir: Kevin Greutert Stars: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor The Saw franchise has slowly been dying ever since its inception in 2004. The first movie was a great original. The second was a bit too much of a good thing. The third was a slight resurgence. The fourth and fifth are confusing and a bit incomprehensible. Now…in October, comes the inevitable sixth film in the series…and it’s more of the same, confusing, back-story, and nonsensical mayhem. Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain sense of joy sitting through these Saw films. It is like having mac & cheese for dinner. It tastes good but it is completely devoid of any nutrition. These movise are easy to enjoy and get a bit of bloodlust satiated, but it is ultimately an empty venture. Still….the series is still made with a lot of talent…much more than movies like this deserve. C+ Bluray |
OSCARS
Best Picture
Best Original Screenplay |
A Serious Man
Dir: The Coen Brothers Stars: Michael Stahlbarg, Richard Kind It has become apparent to me that the Coen Brothers’ filmography consists of movies about people in over their head, either purposefully, accidentally, or fatefully. Think about it, in Fargo, William H. Macy is in way over his head when he hires people to kill his wife. The Big Lebowski? Is there a more perfect movie about someone inadvertently getting mixed up in things that are WAY over his head? Best Picture winner No Country for Old Men? Both Josh Brolin and Tommy Lee Jones play men that are in way over their head, one by stealing tainted drug money and one who admits that the crazy times he lives in are too much for him. Burn After Reading was a huge misfire because it was about some loser gym workers way in over their head, but there was no point to the film besides the zaniness. Now, the Coen Brothers’ new film, is again about a man who is in WAY over his head. This time, however, Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg) wants nothing more than to have things simple and orderly. A Serious Man is an absolute hoot to sit through, in a weird black comedy sort of way. The film seems to suggest that simply because of the time Larry lives in and the tenants of his Jewish faith…he is destined to suffer. It’s some heavy ideas, but they come through with a rather brilliantly light touch. A Bluray |
OSCARS
Best Art Direction
Best Original Score |
Sherlock Holmes
Dir: Guy Ritchie Stars: Robert Downy Jr, Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong The films of Guy Ritchie are usually peppered with ultra-machismo, slap-dash editing, uber-violence, and obscene language (RocknRolla, Snatch), but they always have that Guy Ritchie stamp and are more or less entertaining. He was an odd choice to direct the new Sherlock Holmes film, but he hit it out of the park. The new film surrounding Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s iconic investigator is bombastic popcorn fare, with great performances by Robert Downy, Jr and Jude Law as Holmes and Dr. Watson, respectively. I really enjoyed this film, more so when it was so neatly brought together and explained in the final act, and I consider it as one of the most entertaining films of the year…but there is one thing I would have done a LITTLE different. My issue with this film is the brutish nature of Holmes in RDJ's portrayal instead of the gentleman he usually is. It's just me...but it is still a great film. A- |
Shrink
Dir: Jonas Pate Stars: Kevin Spacey So a famous clebrity shrink has had a major personal catastrophe, becomes a pothead, and can no longer really help his patients, and therefore helps than more than before. It is just a pretentious project by Spacey, so obviously trying to cash in on his American Beauty Lester Burnham apathy and cynicism again. C+ |
The Slammin' Salmon
Dir: Kevin Heffernan Stars: Broken Lizard, Michael Clarke Duncan, Cobie Smulders I am astonished by how terrible this film was received, because it is just as funny as Broken Lizard's other films. This time, Michael Clarke Duncan is a tempestuous ex-boxer who runs a high-end Miami restaurant...and we follow a night of wait-service with some serious in-house competitiveness I laughed a lot during this film, even though it is incredibly juvenile. But you don't watch Broken Lizard movies for high-brow comedy. B- Bluray |
The Soloist
Dir: Joe Wright Stars: Robert Downy Jr., Jamie Foxx, Catherine Keener Sometimes, movies are entertaining in spite of the fact that you know it has some considerable drawbacks. The drawbacks are usually the result of a poor screenplay. The positives are usually the result of great acting or impressive direction. In The Soloist, the true story about LA Times reporter, Steve Lopez’s relationship with homeless, musical prodigy, Nathanial Ayers, both the acting and direction are superb. It is a good thing because the storytelling is pretty haphazard and random…without a specific focus or moral prerogative. C+ |
Spring Breakdown
Dir: Ryan Shiraki Stars: Parker Posey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch On paper, Spring Breakdown should have opened with a fanfare sometime over the summer. It played at the Sundance Film Festival, and has some of the funniest female minds in comedy today starring in it. Amy Poehler, Parker Posey, Rachel Dratch, Missi Pyle, and Jane Lynch…how could it miss? Well it does. It is simply unfunny. Insultingly and embarrassingly unfunny. A kind of “God Bless them, they are trying, without any of the support the Judd Apatow men get” kind of unfunny. I really wanted to give this movie the benefit of the doubt but I guarantee, the women in this film would concede that it is bad. D |
OSCARS
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Star Trek
Dir: JJ Abrams Stars: Chris Pine, Zoe Saldana, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, John Cho, Simon Pegg, Anton Yelchin JJ Abrams’s rebooting of the Star Trek franchise has single-handedly turned me into a “Trekkie”. I have seen the original, first-3 Star Trek films, and enjoyed them immensely…but 2009’s Star Trek is so infectiously entertaining that I am hungry for more and more. This is the first film in a LONG time that is worthy of an "A" simply for being FUN. Most other 4-star rankings deal with heavy themes, original stories, and/or glorious visuals. Not this time. I just had more fun at Star Trek than I have had in years…and I have a LOT of fun at the movies. A DVD |
State of Play
Dir: Kevin MacDonlad Stars: Russell Crowe, Rachel McAdams, Ben Affleck, Helen Mirren I often complain about outlandishness and ridiculousness in my film reviews. Most times when a plot is over-the-top extravagant, the filmmakers can’t hold it together and the movie becomes silly and unfocused. This is NOT the case with State of Play, a harrowing political thriller with the most absurd plot of the year, and that includes the plots of Watchmen and Inkheart. If it weren’t for the masterful direction from Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland and wonderful performances all-around…this film WOULD have been ridiculous. In all honesty, when the film tries to pull back and give us a more realistic explanation, I was incredibly disappointed. I was on such a great roller coaster ride that I was upset when they eased back on the throttle. B+ |
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li
Dir: Andrzej Bartkowiak Stars: Kristin Kreuk, Michael Clarke Duncan, Chris Klein I have a great idea for a movie. I’m going to call it Super Mario Brothers: The Legend of Koopa Troopa. It is going to star the Koopa Troopa, have Bowser as the villain, have a few Goombas, a Bullet Bill, and a bunch of characters from a Super Mario Brothers video game that hasn’t even come out yet. Sounds like a pretty awful movie doesn’t it? Well…that is essentially what they did with Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, an adaptation of a video game with a varied and rich cast…but it seems to be less of a film and more of a video game advertisement. For some reason, they chose one of the less colorful characters from the franchise, Chun Li, and put her against Bison, who has Balrog and Vega as some of his henchmen. That’s it. No Blanka, No E. Honda, No Zangief, No Dhalsim…not even a Ryu or Ken. Why on EARTH did they make this movie? It isn’t even a legendary story. It should be called Action movie starring 3rd rate Street Fighter characters: The Insignificant Anecdote of Chun Li…but that might look ridiculous on a movie marquee. F |
Sunshine Cleaning
Dir: Christine Jeffs Stars: Amy Adams, Emily Blunt Sunshine Cleaning is so inherently “indie” that it seems almost hell bent on proving itself so. There are quirky characters in the periphery, people do things for no other reason then to express, “look at me!!! I’m a kooky free spirit!!!” The tone of the film changes from dark and sad to silly and goofy. All this, and it is filled with great performances…and its indie feel still kind of gets you right in your emotional center. As manipulative as the movie comes across, and as uneven as that sometimes makes the film, Sunshine Cleaning eventually winds up as quite a nifty little story. B- |
Surrogates
Dir: Jonathan Mostow Stars: Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, Ving Rhames This whole idea of humans controlling people/things other than themselves is STARTING to get some traction. Gamer was a mess in this regard, but Jonathan Mostow’s Surrogates is a bit more sophisticated, however predictable, a concept. Bruce Willis doesn’t quite put his own action stamp on the film (you’ll forget he was ever in the film), but he brings that testosterone a film like this needs. The effects are wonderful, and the first half of the movie is sublimely unsettling and creepy. Things start to go downhill when rules the movie has set down start being broken haphazardly and things deteriorate when it all turns into chase scenes and clocks ticking down. B- |
Taken
Dir: Pierre Morel Stars: Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace, Famke Jansen I actually had to visit IMDB.com before writing this review. I had to see what the last movie I had seen where Liam Neeson was the main character. It was actually Seraphim Falls, but that was a pretty inconsequential movie, so we will have to go all the way back to 2004’s Kinsey. Neeson is a fine actor, and he brings quite a lot of gravitas to his supporting roles (Batman Begins, Gangs of New York, Love Actually), so his involvement here, in a movie about an ex-spy whose daughter is kidnapped, is basically the only draw. He doesn’t disappoint. Neeson is quite an intense individual in a movie that is incredibly straightforward, and entertaining in the simplest of ways. Taken doesn’t do anything special, but what it does do, it does well. B DVD |
The Taking of Pelham 123
Dir: Tony Scott Stars: Denzel Washington, John Travolta I gave Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian a B-, and things happen in that movie that I don’t believe for a minute could EVER happen. I give the new action remake, The Taking of Pelham 123 a B- for the same reason…that things happen in the movie I don’t believe for a second would EVER happen. The difference is that this film seems to pride itself on its gritty realism, so when things happen that are so ridiculously unrealistic…it really bothered me. If there is a terrorist hostage situation on a subway train in a post-9/11 New York City, there is NO way that the system will still be running trains. In this movie, we are lead to believe that trains are still running on the express track while the hostage situation and police presence is packed into the local track. Really? That kind of thing, in a Tony Scott film like this, really takes me RIGHT out of the movie. B- |
Taking Woodstock
Dir: Ang Lee Stars: Demetri Martin Even though the story ultimately feels a bit inconsequential, Ang Lee’s new film, Taking Woodstock is a vibrant piece of work,. Lee’s deft hand has created a landscape that is 100% believable as the pastoral upstate NY town that hosted one of the most iconic 3-days in history. The film is full of great performances that, at first, seem over the top, until you realize that in 1969, the folks at Woodstock WERE over the top. At one level, I admired this film incredibly, all hinging on Demetri Martin’s reserved central performance. On another level, I wish the significance of the festival to the lives of the people of Bethel wasn’t so understated. You get a hint of the way the festival may have touched their lives, but I find it hard to believe that such an event would only have a small passing effect on the town’s residents. B |
Terminator Salvation
Dir: McG Stars: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington This film is much like the machines that give it its namesake: Hard, loud, and full of firepower but without any guts or creativity. Director McG hasn’t quite graduated from the hyper-sensory overload of his Charlie’s Angels movies and given us a bombastic, shoot-em-up sci-fi movie that stops this decent franchise right in its tracks. The first Terminator movie introduced us to the mythology as we watched Arnold being sent back to kill John Connor’s mother before he can be born to grow up to lead the resistance. That is a good start to the story. The second film involved the machines sending back the T-1000 to kill off Connor when he is a young boy, but there is that nifty subplot about taking down the eventual creator of Skynet, Cyberdyne Systems. Things were getting intriguing and serious. The third film was a last ditch effort of the machines sending the T-X back to wipe out Connor’s lieutenants, but we actually see the arrival of Judgment Day and the “Rise of the Machines”. All three movies advanced the story and had their own novel idea. Terminator Salvation just has a lot of bullets flying around. C |
Thirst
Dir: Chan-Wook Park If, like me, you are all sick of all of the Twilight, New Moon hype…you may find yourself looking elsewhere for a bit of better vampire lore. I turned to Chan-Wook Park’s newest film, Thirst. Park’s Oldboy is one of my very favorite movies of the past decade, so I was excited to watch his vampire movie infamous for its depravity, sex, and graphic violence. Unfortunately, this film is just a ridiculous bore. How can a movie with tons of sex, violence, nudity, and vampires be boring you ask? Well, this movie certainly found a way. D+ |
The Time Traveler's Wife
Dir: Robert Schwentke Stars: Eric Bana, Rachel McAdams What a wonderful film…plain and simple. It is so refreshing to see a love story so heartfelt, so moving, and yet so audaciously original. This is the second time this year I have been so impressed by cinematic romance (the other film being (500) Days of Summer). The Time Traveler’s Wife, superbly directed by Robert Schwenke, on the surface, is a story about love based in the world of genetic science fiction, filled with paradoxical defiance and artistically liberal license. Underneath, it is a delicate “love will overcome” story with a very, VERY unique problem. It goes a long way that I love the two leads (Eric Bana & Rachel McAdams) and their chemistry is perfect in the film. Just as Henry DeTamble journeys through time, I felt like I journeyed through Henry and Clare’s lives…I was sucked right in from the beginning. B+ |
OSCARS
Best Sound Mixing
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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Dir: Michael Bay Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox After severely overdosing on adrenaline and testosterone, getting my brains scrambled by hectic visuals and sound design, and retrieving my common sense that I checked at the door, I caught my breath, settled down, and realize that I quite liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It is full of nonstop, high-octane action, beautiful women, weirdly placed humor, and awful use of Sam Witwicky’s parents. Also, I did think to myself…”Wasn’t the point of the end of the last movie that if Sam put the AllSpark into Megatron’s chest, then both Megatron and the AllSpark would be destroyed forever?” Apparently not. Because if it was, this movie would never exist. C+ |
Transylmania
Dir: David Hillenbrand & Scott Hillenbrand OK…this movie is bad. I mean really bad. I mean insultingly, amateurishly, embarrassingly bad. The directors, Scott and David Hillenbrand, are best known for National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze 2. It is an "F" movie. There are a few moments where I laughed, HARD. It wasn’t because the joke was clever, or even original, but I laughed in spite of myself. I hated this movie, but I can’t deny those few instances of laughter. Transylmania is definitely a movie that should not have been made. These people had a few bucks, and the whole high-school age vampire spoof is timed correctly…but come on now. This is definitely one of those movies that you watch and realize, “Hey…I can write a film better than this!!!” D- |
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Dir: Chris Weitz Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson I actually enjoyed Twilight. I think it is an atrocious vampire mythology…but I actually responded to the whole “vampirism as an analogy for teenage angst and hormones”. I certainly can NOT grasp the overwhelming hysteria surrounding the series and the release of the next chapter, New Moon. What I do grasp is that I never want to visit Forks…because everyone is so mopey, miserable, and refuse to act on their feelings. Bella Swan is one of the most loathsome characters I have come across in a long time. It is NO fun watching a young girl be 100% dependent on a man in order to be happy, or even function normally. I don’t get they hype…but the whole thing is not yet a lost cause. C |
Tyson
Dir: James Toback Stars: Mike Tyson ”Iron” Mike Tyson has been in the news for three things in 2009; one hilarious, one tragic, and one intriguing. First, he had a great cameo in the smash hit, The Hangover. Second, we learned that a treadmill killed his young daughter. Third, James Toback’s documentary, Tyson, got great reviews across the board. Personally, I don’t really get why. Mike Tyson has had a turbulent, exciting life, filled with a tough childhood, an incredible boxing career, and unfortunate run-ins with the law, sometimes in very serious ways. However, he is also the producer of this film and narrates it himself…and therefore it comes across as a bit sterilized, biased, and self-congratulatory. C- |
The Ugly Truth
Dir: Robert Luketic Stars: Katherine Heigl, Gerard Butler Good Lord…why, oh, why are people allowed to make movies like this? The Ugly Truth is such an insipid, boring movie with no imagination, and no laughs. This is one of those “romantic comedies” where no character’s actions resemble anything in real life…and to watch that is infuriating. Katherine Heigl famously criticized Judd Apatow after Knocked Up that his films are male-oriented and misogynistic. Well…I WISH The Ugly Truth had some of those qualities, because Katherine Heigl is so atrociously bad in this film, I was pissed that the suave Gerard Butler was predestined to fall for her. Why on EARTH would anyone like, or even relate to, someone so shallow and borderline retarded?? F |
The Unborn
Dir: David S. Goyer Stars: Odette Annable, Gary Oldman There are so many things wrong with The Unborn, I don’t even know where to start. Maybe with the DVD menu. Yes….even the DVD menu is horribly miscalculated. As I slipped the DVD into the machine…I sat back excited about a possible scare-fest with a hot chick and ghostly imagery. Immediately, every “money-shot” that appears in the film, appeared on the intro to the DVD menu. On and on it went….for about 30 seconds. Creepy guy in the stairs, followed by Odette Yustman’s impossibly well-toned ass, followed by creepy kid in the street, followed by creep kid in the medicine cabinet, and so on and so forth. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the entire film was ruined before I even started it. D- |
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Dir: Patrick Tatopoulos Stars: Rhona Mitra, Michael Sheen The tedious trend of making sequel after sequel in Hollywood usually angers me. Do we REALLY need a 4th-8th Fast and the Furious? Did you know they made a Paul Blart: Mall Cop sequel? How many American Pie movies are there now? One franchise that continues to entertain me, though, is the Underworld franchise. When I saw the first movie, I was impressed by how well it was done, taking things seriously while having a lot of fun doing so. The second film was a little overblown, but still great Vampire Vs. Werewolf entertainment. This time around, we get the inevitable prequel, explaining the conception of the Lycan race, the beginning of the war between Vampires and Lycans, and showing how only gifted actors like Michael Sheen can play Tony Blair, David Frost, and head Lycan Lucian, equally well. C+ DVD |
The Uninvited
Dir: The Guard Brothers Stars: Emily Browning, Arielle Kebbel, Elizabeth Banks The Uninvited is a perfect example of why I always watch a movie from beginning to end…no matter how bad I think the movie is in the middle of it. I have never, and will never, walk out of a movie. It’s too expensive to do that. I think that every movie has the chance to give you SOMETHING up until the very last credit rolls. In the case of The Uninvited, the last few minutes of the movie VASTLY improves it and makes it quite an enjoyable little thriller. For 90% of the film, I sat back in my chair…angry with myself for watching another in a series of terrible Asian horror remakes. Then I got injected with an incredible amount of excitement and I can’t wait to see the movie again. C+ |
OSCARS
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Up
Dir: Pete Doctor Voices: Ed Asner, Christopher Plummer IMDB #113 Pixar truly is the place to go for brilliant, original, magical entertainment these days. Their new opus lit up more emotional responses in my brain than any movie has done in quite a while. I was crying my eyes out right alongside laughing my ass off. There is a wonderful sense that Pixar has really moved away from trying to make movies for kids whilst throwing things in to catch the grown-ups’ attention to just making great movies for everyone. What’s more…even though Up is about a guy tying a myriad of helium balloons to his house to float to South America…notwithstanding, the film is more real than any other Pixar film. The Old Man is an Old Man…not a cartoonish version of an old man. The kid is a kid…acting like a kid would act. Even the talking animals have a plot device where they aren’t actually talking in the traditional Disney sense. They all have electronic collars on that VERBALIZE their thoughts….so they act like dogs, and “talk” as a real dog would. It is all just such glorious entertainment. A Bluray |
OSCARS
Best Picture
Best Director Best Actor Best Supporting Actress Best Supporting Actress Best Adapted Screenplay |
Up in the Air
Dir: Jason Reitman Stars: George Clooney, Anna Kendrick, Vera Farmiga Jason Reitman’s new project is a fine film. It has a screenplay that pops and great performances by George Clooney, Anna Kendrick, and Vera Farmiga. It is a story about a man who has isolated himself from his family and friends, concentrating on work and aspiring to gain 10 Million frequent flyer miles…but it is not a story about a sad, lonely man. For most of the film, it is a joy to see Clooney and his cocky persona entertain us…but that is until the moral/lesson starts to come to light. I couldn’t help but feel that right when the film needed to be its strongest and most poignant, it started to falter. The only way I can explain it is that the moral of the story is crystal clear to the audience, but seemingly hidden and unlearned from our hero, Ryan Bingham…and that made Up in the Air a bit uneven. B |
Watchmen
Dir: Zack Snyder Stars: Patrick Wilson, Jackie Earle Haley, Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup Watchmen is a movie unlike I have ever seen, much like Director Zack Snyder’s previous film, 300. Originally a graphic novel, hailed as one of the greatest graphic novels of all time, it is a work of art that dares to tackle themes such as Nuclear Holocaust, vigilantism, human nature, hero worship, and world peace…and somehow, this grandiose epic of eye candy, ultra-violence, and pop culture actually tackles each theme equally and effectively. At 3 hours long, it had moments of sluggishness…but man-o-man….what a spectacle Watchmen is. A DVD |
Whatever Works
Dir: Woody Allen Stars: Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood Larry David is kind of a perfect vessel for Woody Allenisms. But to make the story about a cantankerous old man living with an oddly lusting after an incredibly young girl was a bit ill-advised. If you can get beyond that creepiness...there is definitely funny stuff here. If Larry David is your thing...it is great. If not...you will probably hate this B- |
Whip It
Dir: Drew Barrymore Stars: Ellen Page, Drew Barrymore, Kristen Wiig There is a very severe and distinct problem with Ellen Page and her new movie, Whip It. In Juno, Page performed beautifully, and her emo quirkiness came across as natural and believable. She was just that kind of girl. In this new film, directed by Drew Barrymore (she isn’t really sure what she is doing), Page constantly seems to be TRYING to say, “look how quirky, and disillusioned, and rebellious I am!!” It is a very specific difference and it makes Whip It a far inferior film than it had to be. Barrymore’s shortcomings as a director don’t help either, because for a movie about the female contact sport of Roller Derby, there is a complete void of excitement for anything that has to do with the sport. Its not kinetic & it’s not really understandable. Whip It is just a misfire. C- |
Whiteout
Dir: Dominic Sena Stars: Kate Beckinsale Whiteout was a joy to sit through…but not because it is a good movie (It isn’t!!). It was a joy because as the movie began and the plot revealed itself, my wife and I starting quipping lines that we predicted would show up at one point. Great one-liner that we thought up that didn’t make it into this ridiculous movie were, “God doesn’t exist out here!”, “Out here, trusting someone is the difference between life & death”, and “Cold enough for you?”. One that DID make it in, and reduced us to utter hilarity, were, “This isn’t just any murder, it’s the first murder ever in Antarctica!”, “I’ve been down here too long!”, and “We don’t want to have an International incident here!” With only those couple of predicted quips, you can figure out the entire movie. Director Dominic Sena is kind of a master of incomprehensible but entertaining action (Swordfish, Gone in 60 Seconds), but this time, the scale has tipped to incomprehensible. D+ |
World's Greatest Dad
Dir: Bobcat Goldthwait Stars: Robin Williams There is a certain kind of perverse brilliance surrounding this film, because it has creativity and courage in ways very few films do. Williams plays a severely flawed father, who decides to cash in on the fake suicide note he wrote after the accidental death of his son from autoerotic asphyxiation. That is a VERY thin rope to balance on and for the most part, Williams and Goldthwait do it. It is an unpleasant experience but its audacity is blackly attractive. B |
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Dir: Gavin Hood Stars: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Kitsch I can trace my enjoyment of the X-Men franchise to one simple thing…the allegory the stories are towards real-life situations. X-Men was about persecution and registration, not at all dissimilar to the Japanese Internment during WWII. X2: X-Men United was simply about genocide…the utter destruction and elimination of a people because of their differences. X-Men: The Last Stand was all about “the cure”…easily analogous to the fear and confusion about homosexuality in our society. Throw in some really cool effects and characters and you have quite a trilogy of entertainment. Now we get this entry to the franchise, a story about the life and evolution of X-Men’s most popular character. This time around…it is simply a story about personal revenge, betrayal, and loyalty. Not a terrible way to tell a story…but it seems small and insignificant next to the vastly thematic trilogy that precedes it. Hugh Jackman owes most of his career to the adamantium-clawed superhero…but he had more dimensions when he wasn’t the exact focal point of the story…how does that happen? C+ Bluray |
Year One
Dir: Harold Ramis Stars: Jack Black, Michael Cera For someone to enjoy Year One, they have to find Jack Black playing Jack Black and Michael Cera playing Michael Cera the funniest things in the world. Right now…I find the Jack Black character tiresome and am sick and tired of Michael Cera playing the same thing over and over. Throw into this the fact that even though this “comedy” takes place in ancient times, all of the language is completely anachronistic. It’s as if Black and Cera are in a time travel movie…but they aren’t. People talk about chopping off dicks, and how virgins shouldn’t be wasted, and how cavemen eat fruit salad. It SO didn’t work. It really is a shame, because Harold Ramis is a very funny filmmaker, but this is one of the most serious misfires of his career. D |
Zombieland
Dir: Ruben Fleischer Stars: Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin The fast parts are incredibly fast, the slow parts are incredibly slow, the funny parts are incredibly funny, and the serious parts are, in all honestly, completely misplaced. All are opinions of the whiz-bang new horror-comedy, Zombieland. It is a riotous good time to have at the movies but not without its faults. With a foursome like Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin, things are going to be interesting…especially if said foursome is going to be unloading shotgun shells into thousands of zombies. B Bluray |