2008 Movies
OSCARS Won/Nominated
IMDB Top 250
IMDB Top 250
21
Dir: Robert Luketic Stars: Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey I had a conversation with my co-worker the other day about the difference between seeing “Based on a True Story” versus “Inspired by a True Story” in regards to a film. “Based” usually means a decent adaptation of the actual events…and if they are outrageous…they are all the more exciting. “Inspired” means the filmmakers found a story and completely changed everything but the underlying concept in order to create THEIR movie…probably has to do with royalties or likeness rights I bet. 21 is a movie “INSPIRED” by the group of MIT brainiacs who found out a way to mathematically win at blackjack and take Vegas by storm. Since 21 is “inspired”…we know its not true, so its silly and boring. C |
27 Dresses
Dir: Anne Fletcher Stars: Katherine Heigl, James Marsden, Edward Burns, Malin Akerman Who the hell does Jane Nichols think she is? That’s what I thought to myself watching the climax of 27 Dresses, a run-of-the-mill romantic comedy starring Katherine Heigl. I really don’t like Katharine Heigl so I immediately dislike the characters she plays. I always give them the chance to win me over (like in Knocked Up) but this time…I just despised her the entire movie. It is a good thing that this story about a perpetual bridesmaid contains such entertaining character actors like Judy Greer, Edward Burns, and James Marsden. C- |
88 Minutes
Dir: Jon Avnet Stars: Al Pacino Jon Avnet, the more than competent director of 2008’s Righteous Kill, must have been using 88 Minutes as a test for himself in order to find out how NOT to make a movie with Al Pacino. That is the only explanation I have for this worse-than-bad thriller. It is not that things are constantly and infuriatingly failing throughout the movie. It is that I can’t think of a single MOMENT in this film that is worth complimenting. How does that happen with Pacino and a plot involved with serial murders? I don’t know…but 88 Minutes is proof that it does. D- |
10,000 B.C.
Dir: Roland Emmerich Stars: Camilla Belle, Steven Strait HAHAHAHAHAHA Ok, now that I have gotten that out of my system…on to my thoughts of Roland Emmerich’s new film, 10,000 B.C. This had a really rough time with the critics. You know what…this is PRECISELY why I don’t let critics decide on what movies I want to see. I can tell you one single thing that would alleviate all this negativity attached to 10,000 B.C. Have an opening scene that is akin to Stargate (another Emmerich film) to explain the Universe in which these cavemen exist. The problem with the film is that there is NO WAY that 10,000 years ago, people saddled their horses, navigated on rivers using maps and sailboats, and built pyramids akin to those at Giza…let alone speak English. The whole concept is utterly absurd….for Earth. We know it is all ridiculous….but it is still entertaining fluff. If you accept this, that this is complete and utter fiction, with no basis in reality, then it can be a little fun. B- |
An American Carol
Dir: David Zucker Stars: Kevin Farley, Kelsey Grammer, Leslie Nielsen No one does a spoof movie like a Zucker. So imagine my disappointment when even David Zucker was unable to properly spoof the whole War on Terror. Many movies this year have tried, and failed pretty miserably (War, Inc., Postal), but I had every confidence in the world that he could pull it off. He even had a movie for us with a twist on “A Christmas Carol” where Scrooge is a Michael Moore caricature (played by the late Chris Farley’s brother, Kevin) who is visited by the spirits of JFK, George Washington, Patton, and Trace Adkins. Reasonably interesting right? There are plenty of things to make fun of involving Islamic fanaticism right? Well…sort of. But even Zucker has dropped the ball on this one. D+ |
Appaloosa
Dir: Ed Harris Stars: Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Renee Zellweger, Jeremy Irons In the world of cinema, I have the same affection for Westerns as I do for Fantasy films…and this affection comes with the knowledge that there will be more BAD versions than good versions. Both genres involve iconic archetypal characters whose stories are told in a world that is completely different from the one we live in. Forget the fact that Westerns’ settings actually existed at one time, they are no less alien than worlds like Middle Earth. Every year, we get at least one entry in each of these genres. 2008’s Western is Appaloosa (just as 2007’s was 3:10 to Yuma), and it is just OK. The incomparable Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen are our heroes, but Harris is also behind the camera…and I think that is a bit detrimental to the success of this story…that is actually pretty basic and sterilized. B- |
OSCARS
Best Costume Design
|
Australia
Dir: Baz Luhrmann Stars: Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman This is an epic film in every way you can imagine. It has vast landscapes, beautiful stars, majestic cinematography, romance, war, land foreclosure, racism, and many, many other themes packed into its grandiose 165 minutes. Sound familiar? It should. Director Baz Luhrmann was undoubtedly out to make a modern day Gone With the Wind, with all the tone and sense of the 1939 O’Selsnik epic. This time around, he has WWII, the Aboriginal racism of the time, the Australian Meat provider war, and two gorgeous leads who inject every emotion imaginable into the film. It is a sweeping, moving, ENORMOUS film, and it makes us mad that we have had to wait 7 years for it from Baz. A- DVD |
Babylon A.D.
Dir: Mathieu Kassovitz Stars: Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh Yeah…so…Babylon A.D. is a Vin Diesel movie. He is a mercenary or something, hired to transport some girl from Eastern Europe back into the US in some dystopic future. Michelle Yeoh, Gerard Depardieu, Charlotte Rampling, and Lambert Wilson are along for the ride, but I’m sure they are vomiting when they are in the exit queue. I mean…come on…the movie stars Vin Diesel…giving the worst performance of the year, in a movie whose plot is incomprehensible, at best. The movie’s final line is “Ain’t that a bitch?!?” Please Kill Me!!! D- |
Baby Mama
Dir: Michael McCullers Stars: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Greg Kinnear, Dax Shepard Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are playing exactly what they are meant to be in the new comedy Baby Mama, a surprisingly effective film about a 37-year old Vice-President who after she has decided to start a family now that she has achieved her career goals, has learned that she is basically infertile. Since she cannot conceive and her single status prevents any realistic chance at adoption, so she decides to go the surrogate route. Several months ago, I saw a similar film called The Brothers Solomon, where Will Arnett (coincidentally Amy Poehler’s husband) and Will Forte (actually has a cameo in Baby Mama) decide to hire a surrogate so they will have a grandson to give to their dying father. Solomon was basically Dumb & Dumber in the baby world, but Baby Mama is much more sophisticated, and at times, surprisingly mean-spirited and serious. B- |
Baghead
Dir: The Duplass Brothers Stars: Greta Gerwig What a neat little movie. I have had Baghead on my radar for no other reason that this poster looked pretty silly. I read about how the film was about 4 friends who head out to a mountain cabin to write a movie, and said movie eventually becomes a movie about a guy who stalks and kills people whilst wearing a bag over his head. With such a shoestring budget (about $1,000), I figured the whole endeavor could be pretty interesting. I was right. Not only is this movie fun to watch, but it goes in directions you will not expect, completely defying any specific genre. But...a it is so drastically small and pointless that it can't be great. C+ |
Bangkok Dangerous
Dir: The Pang Brothers Stars: Nicholas Cage There is something that REALLY bothers me about most movies that are based on a stupid premise. As in any movie, but especially one that is straining credibility, the characters actions have to influence the plot. The plot should NEVER influence a character's actions. Let me explain. Have you ever seen The Transporter? It is a brainless action film with Jason Statham starring as a “Transporter” for hire. He has a specific set of rules that he NEVER breaks, no matter what, and that is how he deals with his line of work. Unfortunately, but believably and understandably, one day he is forced to break one of those rules…and the plot heads into motion as his world comes tumbling down. Now we have Bangkok Dangerous, a film where Nicolas Cage is playing a world-famous hitman…and he also has his own set of unbreakable rules. He seems to break them ONLY for the reason to advance the plot…not because his character would ever logically do so. So I hate this movie. D+ |
The Bank Job
Dir: Roger Donaldson Stars: Jason Statham, Saffron Burrows The trailers, the advertising campaign, and even the title of The Bank Job is a bit misleading. This isn’t a heist movie. Sure…it involves one of the biggest bank heists in history…but it isn’t like The Score or Ocean’s 11. The actually heist itself was pretty simple and low-tech…this exciting and entertaining film is more about the reasons for the heist and the collateral damage that comes from such a heist. You KNOW some feathers are going to be ruffled when a band of hooligans rip off hundreds of safety deposit boxes in central London…as there is a lot of sensitive material in there. It all makes for tension-filled action that is expected and welcomed from director Roger Donaldson (The Recruit, Thirteen Days). B- |
Bedtime Stories
Dir: Adam Shankman Voices: Adam Sandler, Keri Russell, Courtney Cox, Russell Brand I am a fan of Adam Sandler, and I especially like it when he gets a wee bit serious. Among my favorites are 50 First Dates, The Wedding Singer, and Click. So I was very excited to see Bedtime Stories, a film by Disney where the stories that a man tells his niece and nephew start to come true. What a disappointment. This is a film that is schmaltzy when it should be heartfelt, corny when it should be dazzling, and cheap when it should be grand. Bedtime Stories was a good idea, but it turned out so mediocre. C |
Be Kind Rewind
Dir: Michel Gondry Stars: Jack Black, Mos Def, Danny Glover If you read the synopsis of Be Kind Rewind, you would know that it is basically a cinematic wet dream for me. A movie about a couple of idiots trying to remake various movies to fool more idiots that rent from them? My kind of goofiness. Also…it has Jack Black, Mos Def, and is directed by the incredibly original Michel Gondry of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind fame. Well….unfortunately…when the characters are specifically in the middle of remaking a movie, it is VERY boring…to the point where I really thought I was missing something. It is a shame because I was really excited for this one. C |
Bigger Stronger Faster*
Dir: Chris Bell Successful documentaries about a specific controversial issue often depend on one of two things. Either they are incredibly biased but also entertaining in their bias (Religulous, Fahrenheit 9/11) or they refuse to have an opinion but provide all the tools for the viewer to make their OWN opinion. Bigger, Stronger, Faster* is a documentary of this second kind. It is about the rampant use, criminalization, and seemingly morally vacuous presence of steroids in our society. Brilliantly, the film never takes a stand as to whether it feels steroids are wrong or it is all much ado about nothing…and that keeps the viewer engrossed and interested as the information comes pouring through the screen. Some things make you feel that steroids should DEFINTIELY be illegal. Other things make you feel that there is nothing wrong with them. It is all very fun actually. B |
Body of Lies
Dir: Ridley Scott Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, Mark Strong Movies concerning the ‘War on Terror’ have not been very successful. They have either been absolutely terrible (Rendition) or perfectly competent yet ultimately forgettable (Traitor). My gold standard is still Peter Berg’s The Kingdom, but Ridley Scott’s new film Body of Lies is a superb addition to the genre…mostly because of the copious amounts of charisma of those involved. The plot is not much different than a dozen other ‘War on Terror’ thrillers, but Director Scott, Writer William Monahan (The Departed), actors Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, and especially Mark Strong all inject a lot of adrenaline and intensity into a story that is otherwise familiar. B+ |
OSCARS
Best Animated Film
|
Bolt
Dir: Byron Howard & Chris Williams Voices: John Travolta, Miley Cyrus I really like the concept of this film. A puppy is a Hollywood star and is convinced that the Tinsel Town magic used while filming him actually shows that he has superpowers. To watch our hero dog go around believeing himself to be a superhero, and that gives him the confidence and bravery to accomplish great things, is a lot of fun. It is cute...but not profound. it is like those late 90s-early 00s Disney films that were fine but forgettable. This is just a smidge better than that. B- |
Bottle Shock
Dir: Randall Miller Stars: Alan Rickman, Bill Pullman, Chris Pine When Sideways came out in 2004, it was quite an accomplishment. A movie with no huge stars, about wine, made millions of dollars and even got some Oscar recognition. Bottle Shock a new movie with no huge stars and also about wine, isn’t quite as successful. Where Sideways was about life’s problems using wine as an allegory while focused on the most interesting character throughout, Bottle Shock is about how literal wine problems affect life, and the most interesting character keeps getting pushed into the background. Regardless, there is some charm to be found in Bottle Shock. B- DVD |
Brideshead Revisited
Dir: Julian Jarrold Stars: Matthew Goode, Ben Whishaw, Haley Atwell, Emma Thompson, Michael Gambon Many British costume dramas involve the plot device, or some variation of the device where those without want to be around and part of the life of those with. Also, there is usually some sort of development where those with try to convey how hard it is to be a part of the upper crust society. Brideshead Revisited is no different. It is a story about a painter from Paddington, with no aristocratic connections or relationships who befriends a well-to-do with a lot of money and a pretty crazy family with a messed up morality system. Yeah…that sounds pretty status quo for a British costume drama. B- |
Burn After Reading
Dir: The Coen Brothers Stars: George Clooney, Frances McDormand, Brad Pitt, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, JK Simmons. It has been a while since back-to-back movies from a specific filmmaker has inspired such polar opposite reactions from me. I hated David Cronenberg’s film A History of Violence when I saw it back in 2005, but I thoroughly enjoyed his 2007 effort, Eastern Promises, and considered it one of the best films of the year. The Coen Brothers took Hollywood by storm last year with No Country For Old Men, winning Best Picture and Best Director honors. This year, their new film that I downright despised for its pretentiousness and nihilism. This film was nothing. If it was properly ABOUT being about nothing…I may have found something to enjoy. As it is…it is a film helmed by some of the greatest directors working, starring a huge all-star cast, that has nothing to say or do. I was so bored. The Coen Brothers are trying so hard to make another The Big Lebowski. D+ |
Cassandra's Dream
Dir: Woody Allen Stars: Ewan McGregor, Colin Farrell, Hayley Atwell, Sally Hawkins, Tom Wilkinson For the first time since the superb Match Point, Woody Allen has gone full drama...almost thriller...and he comes up way short compared to that 2005 gem. The premise whereby a couple of cash-strapped brothers are propositioned by their rich uncle to "take care" of some things is fine...but this movie never does anything interesting or unique...which is a bit odd for an Allen film. It has the intimate, small way of storytelling that he excels at...but there is nothing to really get out of this film. I like the cast and that holds it together somewhat...but it ultimately fails. C |
OSCARS
Best Actress
Best Cinematography Best Art Direction |
Changeling
Dir: Clint Eastwood Stars: Angelina Jolie, Colm Feore, Amy Ryan, John Malkovich I haven’t received the emotional wallop that Changeling gave me in a LONG time. I find it fascinating that even though Clint Eastwood, a grizzled looking man if there ever was one, seems like the most charming, light-hearted older man in real life, he brings such powerful emotional dramas to the screen (Mystic River, Million Dollar Baby). From beginning to end, Changeling had my heart aching, rejoicing, breaking, and pounding…all with a constant lump in my throat. The tears switch from happy tears, to sad tears, to desperate tears, and back again…and I loved every minute of it. This is all after I immediately got over my built in apathy toward Angelina Jolie as an actress...because she is outstanding. A DVD |
Charlie Bartlett
Dir: Jon Poll Stars: Anton Yelchin, Robert Downey Jr., Hope Davis, Kat Dennings I guess I have to praise a movie where its premise seems pretty routine on the surface and has a main character that completely fails to attract my sympathy. Charlie Bartlett is a film about a clever high-schooler with no sense of modern, social, high school norms, who turns to illegal activities that benefit his own popularity standings. When we first meet Charlie (Anton Yelchin), he is getting kicked out of yet another private school. He and his rich mother (Hope Davis) decide that it is about time to give public school a crack. It is fun to watch him take that school by storm. B- |
Choke
Dir: Clark Gregg Stars: Sam Rockwell, Angelica Huston, Kelly MacDonald I have read several of Chuck Palahniuk’s novels, and his haphazard narrative about anarchy and nihilism is tiresome and annoying. It is a good thing he had David Fincher at the helm of the adaptation of his Fight Club to give is some sort of semblance and morph it into a modern cinematic masterpiece. His novel Choke, is an ABSOLUTE mess, and rookie director, Clark Gregg doesn’t prevent the movie from being the same. It is a shame, because there are some great performances by Sam Rockwell, Angelica Houston, and Kelly MacDonald. This film, about a man who pretends to choke in restaurants so his saviors may feel guilty for him and give him money, simply put, is a nearly unwatchable piece of trash. Just because Fight Club became the success that it is, doesn’t mean Palahniuk’s books are any good and worth adapting. D |
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Dir: Andrew Adamson Stars: Ben Barnes, Peter Dinklage, Warwick Davis In 2005, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe arrived and effectively filled the fantasy-epic void left when the Lord of the Rings trilogy had concluded. It created a world filled with great characters, creatures, and storytelling. With its huge success, the sequel was inevitable…and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian is an equally worthy addition to the franchise. A lot of the childish whimsicality has been sacrificed in order to focus on more serious fare, but the magic is still there and this time around…we are really caring about the characters more. That is very important because the novelty of talking wildlife is expectedly decreased. A- DVD |
City of Ember
Dir: Gil Kenan Voices: Saorsie Ronan, Toby Jones, Bill Murray Many times I have watched a movie and been angered by its own assumption that it will spawn a franchise. Often, when filmmakers set out to make a movie whose sole purpose is to create a cash-cow franchise…the films fail…or simply don’t provide enough gusto to merit a continuation of the story. Watching, City of Ember, I had the opposite reaction. A story about a civilization created underground because of some unknown cataclysm up on Earth’s surface deserves a thorough, detailed treatment, and as is, the film comes across as jumbled and far too brief, since it is all squashed down into a quick 100 minute running time. This is a film that, if treated like The Lord of the Rings was, could have been stretched out to at LEAST 2 films. No one complained when Frodo and Sam didn’t reach Mount Doom at the end of Fellowship of the Ring. C+ |
CJ7
Dir: Stephen Chow Stars: Stephen Chow I am officially a huge Stephen Chow fan, and it isn’t even because his newest film, CJ7, is any good. It isn’t as fun as Shaolin Soccer and doesn’t have the whimsical absurdity of Kung Fu Hustle, but it is perfectly apparent that Chow has a goofy, playful, cinematic spark that few filmmakers have nowadays. This film isn’t one of those over-the-top martial arts cartoons that his previous films were…it is more of a silly, little E.T. story. I enjoy when Chow is the centerpiece of his films, and here, a young actress named Jiao Xu plays his son, and the story is about him…and the extraterrestrial, futuristic Furby that changes his life. C+ |
Cloverfield
Dir: Matt Reeves Stars: TJ Miller, Mike Vogel, Lizzy Caplan The name “JJ Abrams” has achieved a kind of mysterious status. Because of his success creating shows like Alias and Lost, he has become kind of a poster boy for the unique and strange. Anyone who went to see Transformers in the theater last summer saw quite a disturbing trailer. It had a bunch of twenty-somethings being filmed at a party, saying goodbye to someone. Suddenly, there is a jarring tremor, an explosion seen from the roof, and eventually we are shown the Statue of Liberty’s head thrown down the street. All we were told was JJ Abrams was producing, and the date 1-18-08 was put on the screen. Almost everyone was intrigued. Eventually it came out that the film was called Cloverfield, and it is a Godzilla-type movie filmed in the style of The Blair Witch Project. Man-oh-man…this was some movie. It was disorienting, nauseating, and astonishingly kinetic….but it was also thrilling, frightening, and exhilarating. A- DVD |
College
Dir: Deb Hagan Stars: Drake Bell, Kevin Covais I went to a College that was a very Greek, work hard/play hard school. I was a member of a Fraternity. My credentials are in order to pass judgment on a movie about College. College takes place in a world that doesn’t exist…and I am going to list 10 reasons why: 1) High Schoolers are not given the time of day when they visit a campus for the weekend, especially if they are not guests of anyone, ESPECIALLY if they are guys. 2) Deans are not tolerant people. So if you are a high schooler visiting the campus, and you show up at your scholarship interview all hung over, disheveled, with profane sharpie remarks all over your face…you are NOT given a second chance. 3) College guys do not steal from visiting prospective students, using their credit cards to pay for their parties. I think that constitutes Grand Larceny and no College student risks that kind of charge. 4) Hot girls don’t sleep with you simply because you are the closest guy holding onto a beer…unfortunately. 5) Lesbians don’t have crazy, vibrator-assisted sex in a Frat house bedroom that isn’t theirs. 6) College girls DO care if you are in High School or not. If you are in High School, you probably constitute a statutory case. The campus is FULL of guys and they don’t need to scrape the bottom of the visiting prospective student barrel. 7) Hazing certainly occurs at some Fraternities…but not in the completely disgusting, homoerotic ways they do in this film. 8) No toilet has EVER looked like that…EVER. I don’t care if 50 guys have diarrhea all night. It just doesn’t happen. 9) No one ever tries to get into a bar with a fake ID that says they are a black girl when they are a nerdy white kid. 10) College is fun…the most fun I ever had…with copious amounts of alcohol and drugs being passed around…but never in the manner exhibited in this film. If that were the case…there would be deaths and hospitalizations every weekend. This movie is garbage. D |
College Road Trip
Dir: Roger Kumble Stars: Martin Lawrence, Raven Symone, Donnie Osmond This is the Martin Lawrence I was looking for in Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins. Unfortunately, I found him in a movie that is only concerned with pleasing the “Tween” circuit. College Road Trip has some good laughs in it, only because Lawrence’s enthusiasm is so infectious, but overall, it is a tired exercise. As a rule, one should be apprehensive when the “Walt Disney Pictures” label comes attached to a live action film. This movie is no different. And man-oh-man…Raven-Symone can’t act. I wish director Roger Kumble could make me laugh as much as he did with his last movie Just Friends. C |
The Cottage
Dir: Paul Andrew Williams Stars: Andy Serkis, Jennifer Ellison Why would I bother? Well….a movie like The Cottage is exactly why I rent ridiculously obscure slasher movies…every once in a while you find a small gem of sorts. I am not saying that The Cottage is a good movie, but it has the MAKINGS of a GREAT movie on level with Shaun of the Dead, but there never seemed to be any confidence in making it. It starts out incredibly strong, with a huge amount of laughs per minute and a very exciting set-up. When it devolves into people running from a grossly deformed farmer hell-bent on slaughter…it’s just the same old-same old. C+ |
OSCARS
Best Foreign Film
|
The Counterfeiters
Dir: Stefan Ruzowitsky This is a pretty good example of how a well-done movie can be an interesting, important history lesson without really being an effective movie. The story involves skillful counterfeiters taken out of concentration camps and put to use so Germany can devalue the Allies' currencies. It is done well and tells a decent story, but it is one of those dramas that think they have it made simply because it involves Nazis, WWII, and the Holocaust. It has to try a little bit harder if it wants to pull it off better. B- |
OSCARS
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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Dir: David Fincher Stars: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die This film is truly quite curious. It is a sprawling, magical fable adapted from a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. With David Fincher at the helm and Brad Pitt starring as the title character, one can expect originality if this film is anything like their last few film ventures (Seven, Fight Club). Fewer films look better or have such a unique premise throughout 2008, but I did have a bit of a problem with the film. As a fantasy, whereby Benjamin Button is a man born as an elderly senior and aging backwards throughout his life, the film never quite grabbed me as it should have. The premise was a bit too weird, too abstract, and I never felt like the filmmakers had a great hold on the concept. Even with that nagging feeling, like a splinter in my brain, that this wasn’t quite working for me…it is an oddly fascinating piece of art. B |
OSCARS
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The Dark Knight
Dir: Christopher Nolan Stars: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Gary Oldman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die IMDB #4 The Dark Knight is quite a perfect title for this Batman film. First of all, the film is incredibly “Dark”, more dark than you can possibly expect, even after Christopher Nolan’s wonderful Batman Begins. Also, there is a reason that The Dark Knight is the first Batman movie that doesn’t have “Batman” in the title. Because it is not about Batman. It isn’t about the uberfamous Heath Ledger portrayed Joker. It isn’t even about Aaron Eckhart’s Harvey Dent, Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon, or Maggie Gyllenhall’s Rachel Dawes. It isn’t about any of these people. It is about Gotham. And thusly, a perfect allegorical exercise when used as a reflection of our modern society. With all of that serious, pseudo-philosophical now out of the way, I have to say, The Dark Knight is one HELL of a film. It fires on each and every cylinder a film can possibly fit under its hood and gets more horsepower out of its engine than any other superhero movie to date, and pretty much more than any action film in recent memory. A DVD |
Day of the Dead
Dir: Steve Miner Stars: Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon, Ving Rhames Imagine you are in a diner that only serves horror movies. How would you order your zombies? For maximum excitement and fear, I would order the 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead zombies: Strong, extremely fast, and with an insatiable appetite for violence and human flesh. I also like them to look a LITTLE human with some small, distinct characteristic that identifies them as a zombie (usually the eyes). Day of the Dead serves up a TERRIBLE zombie. Who on EARTH would want their zombie to have any sort of personality or memory retention? I HATE THAT!!! Not only that…but they are decked out with copious amounts of make-up that make them monsters, and not even close to looking human. What a waste. D |
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Dir: Scott Derrickson Stars: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates Remaking a classic Sci-Fi film is a dangerous endeavor. The special effects cost so much these days that more times than not, the filmmakers forget that there are many other aspects to good sci-fi even more crucial to its success than the effects. The Day the Earth Stood Still completely forgot about that, and this alien invasion movie lands with a HUGE thud. There are definitely things in the film that kept my interest, and the effects…though sparse…are superb. But the phenomenon seems too localized to be important the the acting, as a general rule, is weird and unfocused...as if no one realized what kind of movie this was going to be. C- |
Day Zero
Dir: Bryan Gunnar Cole Stars: Elijah Wood, Chris Klein, Jon Bernthal Day Zero is a film that presents us with an alternate modern-day reality. It is one where September 11th wasn’t the only major terrorist attack against our country. It is one where the War on Terror has extended as far as Egypt and the violence has escalated to unbelievable proportions. Finally, it is one where the draft has been re-instituted, and the film follows three friends, and more different friends you could not imagine, who all have just received their draft notice and have 30 days to report. It isn’t awful but there really isn’t that much to it. You can predict nearly ever action these three men take in order to cope, avoid, or deal with their drafting…until something happens that is SO ridiculous that it could never have been expected…but that only angered me. C |
Dear Zachary:
A Letter to a Son About His Father Dir: Kurt Kuenne This is simply the greatest documentary I have ever seen. Most good true crime documentaries have one or a couple of important aspects to it. A victim who is deified through the filmmaker's access, an engrossing legal adventure that has crazy twists and turns, and filmmaking prowess. This film has every one of them. The director's best friend is killed (almost 100% certain) by his pregnant girlfriend, and then she flees to Newfoundland and battles extradition, while the victim's parents move to Newfoundland to try to fight for custody of their grandson, Zachary. The story about Andrew Bagby is beautiful and heartbreaking. The miscarriages of justice are astonishing, and the story of Zachary is just incredible. Kurt Kuenne's direction is also the best I have ever seen in a documentary. He must have had countless hours of footage and his surgically precise editing so perfectly pieces together paragraphs of opinion across dozens of interviewees. It has to be seen to be believed. I cried my eyes out numerous times with this film...and it will forever set the bar for true-crime documentary perfection. A |
Death Race
Dir: Paul W.S. Anderson Stars: Jason Statham, Joan Allen, Ian McShane, Tyrese Gibson I never intended to go out to see Death Race. A movie about a bunch of convicts in a winner-goes-free race in suped-up death-machine cars? Sounds like something my girlfriend and I would rent on a night we wanted to turn our brains off. Not only that…but the trailer reveals the ENTIRE film, plots, twists, and all. But…the movie stars Jason Statham, somehow got Joan Allen and Ian McShane to show up, and amazingly squeezed some pretty good reviews out of its release. My curiosity got the best of me. And I am glad it did…because this is one of those movies that is expensive, spends its money properly, and embraces its ridiculousness to the point of admiration. B |
Deception
Dir: Marcel Langenegger Stars: Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, Michelle Williams Some movies containing high-profile actors come and go without barely making a ripple in the Hollywood pond. It can’t be simply that the movie is BAD…because some of the worst movies ever come out with the advertising engine firing on all cylinders and make money. Deception stars Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, and Michelle Williams…and barely anybody even knows it exists. My only explanation is that it is so bad, that even the actors realize as such and are thoroughly embarrassed to even be a part of it. Such is this movie, an appallingly bad “thriller” where not one person acts realistic. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. At least Michelle Williams was hotter than she has ever been…the VERY least. D- |
OSCARS
Best Original Score
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Defiance
Dir: Edward Zwick Stars: Daniel Craig, Liev Schreiber, Jamie Bell Even though the amount films about the Middle East conflict are on the rise, every year still has a handful of WWII/Holocaust movies. 2008 gave us Valkyrie, The Counterfeiters, The Reader, Good, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Miracle at St. Anna, and one final one that seems to have deserved more of a fanfare upon its release…Defiance. There is no doubt that Director Edward Zwick can create the best of high-octane war films (Glory, Courage Under Fire, The Last Samurai, Blood Diamond) and Daniel Craig’s international stardom has skyrocketed ever since he became the new Bond, but this film seemed to come and go without much fuss. Maybe it is because of its lack of definition. It is finely directed and acted, but there is no defining, original characteristic to it. Defiance is about a trio of Polish brothers hiding out in the Belarusian forests with dozens of other persecuted Jews. It isn’t about much else…but at least what it IS about…it is about it in a very well-done way. B- |
Definitely, Maybe
Dir: Adam Brooks Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Isla Fisher, Rachel Weisz, Elizabeth Banks, Abigail Breslin, Kevin Kline I am on the verge of proclaiming this my favorite romantic comedy of all time. There is something about this movie, its structure, Reynolds' performance, and the superb representation of the three women in his life that he is telling his daughter about. Fisher and Weisz especially. They radiate off the screen in natural, intelligent ways. The entire film feels mature and real...so it is easy to fall in love with these women just as Ryan Reynolds does. I just sop this stuff up 100%. The only reason it isn't an A is the way Breslin was written. She speaks WAY too much like an adult. A girl her age would NEVER speak with such sophistication and it comes across as phony. A- DVD |
Disaster Movie
Dir: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer What happened to me when I watched this movie was similar to when I saw Slumdog Millionaire. I was amazed that when Slumdog was over, that a movie had unseated the brilliant WALL-E as my favorite movie of the year. I thought that title was safely WALL-E’s. So, imagine my surprise when I sat through Disaster Movie (a more aptly titled film it could not be) that I had just seen a movie to unseat 88 Minutes as the WORST movie of the year. This is so infuriatingly bad…there are only 3 more sentences I am going to waste on it. What is with the OLDEST film being spoofed being Beowulf? Also, remember my comment that I’d have to rely on Friedberg and Seltzer for my spoof movies after seeing the terrible An American Carol? I wholeheartedly take that comment back!!!!!</p> F |
Doomsday
Dir: Neil Marshall Stars: Rhona Mitra, Bob Haskins People often ask me why I bother watching movies like Doomsday. Actually, there are several reasons. One is that if you keep checking out stupid movies like this, once in a blue moon you come across a keeper (last year’s The Condemned). Another is that I have a bit of hope when people like Bob Hoskins, Alexander Siddig, and director Neil Marshall (The Descent) are involved, no matter what the subject matter. Finally…you know that old adage where people say that there can be no good without evil? Well…I guess sitting through movies like Doomsday makes you vastly appreciate GOOD movies all the more. D |
OSCARS
Best Actress
Best Supporting Actor Best Supporting Actress Best Supporting Actress Best Adapted Screenplay |
Doubt
Dir: John Patrick Shanley Stars: Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams, Viola Davis There are some movies, that are based on award winning plays, that don’t quite translate cinematically…being nothing more than actors on screen talking to each other in different scenarios. Sometimes however, the screenplay is so well-written and the roles so well acted, that the “stagey” aspect to the film is entirely forgiven. The last time this happened was with the superb 2005 film, Proof, and it has happened again in 2008’s Doubt. This is a film with three acting powerhouses (Meryl Streep, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams) working at the top of their game, telling a story that is simultaneously angering, unnerving, and sorrowful. There is really no way to ENJOY a movie such as this, where only two possibilities exist (either being disgusted with one character or angry at the other)…but it is fascinating to watch such a tour de force. A- |
Drillbit Taylor
Dir: Steven Brill Stars: Owen Wilson Owen Wilson can't really carry his own comedy. That is why he is usually a part of a buddy comedy or an ensemble. It is very apparent in this film, where a handful of nerds hire him to fend off their bullies. Never mind that the idea of an adult bodyguard being hired to protect middle-schoolers is dumb...he is just not that charismatic. He is no Jim Carrey, Jack Black, or Adam Sandler...comedians with the gravitas to keep your interest for an entire film. Wilson is just a whole lotta blah. C |
Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who
Dir: Jimmy Hayward & Steve Martino Voices: Jim Carrey, Steve Carrell Trish wanted a movie. I didn’t know what to do. So I suggested, “Why not Horton Hears a Who?” It’s an animated film, as you can see, And it’s chock full of laughs, for you and for me. Jim Carrey voices Horton, a lovable brute, Steve Carrel voices the Mayor, and he’s quite minute. See, Horton’s an elephant, and he appreciates life, When he hears Whoville’s Whos, and realizes their strife. The Whos are so small, they live on a speck Horton wants to help so goes on a trek. and so on... B- |
OSCARS
Best Costume Drama
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The Duchess
Dir: Saul Dib Voices: Keira Knightley, Ralph Fiennes, Dominic Cooper This a breathtakingly beautiful costume drama that seems like Keira Knightley is the best at giving us. it is also a bit more kinky and perverse than these movies usually are. Often times, these kinds of films are all opulence and grandiose acting...but this film has subtelty and some werid little twists here and there. it is a great, fun, heartbreaking, and heartwarming piece of work. B+ |
Eagle Eye
Dir: DJ Caruso Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson When you go to see Eagle Eye, you will be astonished that Jerry Bruckheimer had nothing to do with its production. That’s how exciting and high quality this film is. I liken it to buying a hybrid Ferrari. It is made by the best of the best engineers in the world, looks awesome, and driving it is the pinnacle of excitement. The only drawback is the engine…even though the engine is enough to get you around just fine, it doesn’t quite give you the performance you might expect from such an incredible looking car. Good metaphor? I thought so. B+ DVD |
OSCARS
Best Documentary
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Encounters at the End of the World
Dir: Werner Herzog I have only recently begun to become affiliated with the world of Werner Herzog. The first film I ever saw of his was 2004’s Grizzly Man, and I was utterly fascinated. Likewise, when I saw Rescue Dawn, I knew I had been introduced to quite a filmmaker. Now I have seen Encounters at the End of the World, a kind of travelogue about when Herzog himself travelled to the McMurdo Research Station in Antarctica, and I am sad to say that this time, the filmmaker has harshly slipped into pretentiousness. The previously mentioned movies were powerful, philosophical pieces of art that really made you think and even had the ability to CHANGE the way you think. Encounters feels false, and shoehorned into a way to talk about man’s eventual oblivion on Earth. It completely wastes the harsh, desolate beauty of the Antarctic landscape and makes you want to take the guy and yell at him, “Hey Werner…you are at one of the most fascinating places on Earth…try to enjoy yourself!!” C |
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
Dir: Nathan Frankowski Stars: Ben Stein Dear Mr. Ben Stein, I have just finished watching your documentary Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed and I have to say that I have never been made more angry by such a blatant misrepresentation of the scientific community and never been so insulted by the flagrant, alarmist comparison on Darwinism and Darwinists to some of the most evil aspects of history. That being said, I have to admit that a documentary that stirs such drastic feelings and emotions has to be successful at some level, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t irresponsible and even dangerous to exhibit. Fuck You Sir, Kevin (Not Hitler) C- |
The Eye
Dir: David Moreau & Xavier Palud Stars: Jessica Alba, Alessandro Nivola, Parker Posey The Eye is the first Japanese-horror remake that I have seen in a LONG while that didn’t make me angry at myself for wasting my own time. Japanese horror prides itself on complete incoherence and a universe where anything otherworldly can happen. When ANYTHING can happen at any time, the possibility for fear is DRASTICALLY wasted in my opinion. This film has a clever premise, is initially executed well, but it still can’t control itself. When a blind girl with new corneal implants looks blurringly through her peephole and sees an indistinguishable figure in the mist…that is kind of creepy. For some reason…the filmmakers think the REAL scare is when said figure drastically thrusts itself right at the screen, for no reason. I can’t stand that. I have never been able to stand that. C- |
The Fall
Dir: Tarsem Singh Stars: Lee Pace If you have seen the J-Lo movie, The Cell than you know that Tarsem is quite a visionary. He has a vision of alternating nightmarish and dreamlike clarity that is unlike any other director you have ever seen. But his talents are more as a visual artist than a director. A better director would not let his visuals overcome the story (Zhang Yimou). Tarsem is a victim of his own indulgence, and his new movie The Fall is a far-worse violator than The Cell. Going to the movies to see a Tarsem movie is like going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at paintings by Salvador Dali. You get there, are initially amazed and entranced by its beauty, but you are eventually ready to move on to some Picassos, Monets, and even some Andy Warhols. B- |
Finding Amanda
Dir: Peter Tolan Stars: Matthew Broderick, Brittany Snow Even though Matthew Broderick can’t really over come his own cherubic persona while playing on-screen degenerates…he is pretty entertaining in Finding Amanda. He, along with spritely co-star Brittany Snow, elevates this film about an uncle accidentally running into his prostitute niece, above its ultimate nihilism into a nice piece of entertainment. Veteran Writer/rookie director Peter Tolan owes a lot to these two stars…because without their performances, Finding Amanda would have been pretty bare and slipped even further into obscurity than it already is. C+ |
Flawless
Dir: Michael Radford Stars: Michael Caine, Demi Moore, Lambert Wilson There are probably about a dozen heist movies, in one form or another, that are released every year. 2008 has already seen a decent one in The Bank Job, and now a mediocre one in Flawless. The Bank Job had an energy and an enthusiasm that really kept you thoroughly engrossed in the film throughout. Flawless takes a more intimate, delicate, almost sluggish, film noir approach that is a mixed bag of success and failure. Since it takes place in 1960s London (but filmed in Luxembourg), there are no high-tech gadgets or alarm systems, and the whole enterprise where a small country’s GDP-level fortune in uncut diamonds is almost effortlessly taken out of the London Diamond Corporations most secure vault comes across as silly. However, the story is told in a way that makes you curious as to how the whole thing went down, even if it isn’t incredibly satisfying in the end. C- |
Fool's Gold
Dir: Andy Tennant Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland Matthew McConaughey was not often concerned with working in order to get an Oscar. For that matter, neither is Kate Hudson since her Almost Famous turn. They are more concerned with making those sugary-sweet romance movies and those popcorn-stuffing adventure movies. Fool’s Gold is not that much unlike Sahara, which I greatly enjoyed but many critics did not. The only difference is that Sahara was embracing its silliness and Fool’s Gold seems to be exploiting it…almost as if to say, “this is a silly movie, so let’s just do whatever we want and make sure we get Matthew’s shirt off!” D- |
The Foot Fist Way
Dir: Jody Hill Stars: Danny McBride I figured I’d give Danny McBride another shot. He was a high point of a great comedy with Tropic Thunder, but he was also the worst part of a bad comedy with Pineapple Express. McBride plays a Tae Kwon Do instructor…and what they churned out is an almost unprofessional mess. I know what these people were trying to do with The Foot Fist Way (what “Tae Kwon Do” literally translates as), but since there are no stars and virtually no production value…it comes across as a too-long bit filmed over a weekend. The story of a Tae Kwon Do loser going off the deep end and taking it out on his class could have been funny….but only if they decided to make a REAL movie about it. D |
The Forbidden Kingdom
Dir: Rob Minkoff Stars: Jackie Chan, Jet Li The premise behind The Forbidden Kingdom is genius. It brings together two of the biggest kung-fu action stars of all-time, Jackie Chan & Jet Li, and throws in elements of a Zhang Yimou film(Hero, House of Flying Daggers), The Neverending Story, and The Karate Kid. Yeah…it’s a recipe for success, but it all feels like the filmmakers were so excited about their idea that they rushed the whole endeavor a bit too much. It ISN’T a Zhang Yimou film, it ISN’T a trip through Fantasia, and it ISN’T The Karate Kid…but there is still plenty to entertain you. B- |
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Dir: Nicholas Stoller Stars: Jason Segel, Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Russell Brand Judd Apatow has carved himself quite a Hollywood niche. A “Judd Apatow Comedy” is now the golden stamp of quality in the comedy universe. Much like a “Jerry Bruckheimer Film” is a stamp that lets you know there is going to be some adrenaline-pumping action. This doesn’t mean that Apatow directs them…he just produces them and sometimes writes them. The most successful outings of his were The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up. Superbad & Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story were also very funny. Now comes the movie that is really going to skyrocket his name, and that movie is Forgetting Sarah Marshall…one of those films that perfectly balance comedy and romanticism in a way that doesn’t insult the audience’s intelligence. Not since 50 First Dates have I been so taken by a romantic comedy, and that movie had Drew Barrymore in it, and this one doesn't have a gimmick Well…Forgetting Sarah Marshall has Mila Kunis in it…and my god….she is better than Drew ever was. And this movie has Russell Brand...one of the greatest supporting characters in a comedy of all time. A- DVD |
OSCARS
Best Picture
Best Director Best Actor Best Adapted Screenplay Best Editing |
Frost/Nixon
Dir: Ron Howard Stars: Frank Langella, Michael Sheen, Sam Rockwell, Kevin Bacon Only a talented director like Ron Howard can take the extremely simple premise of Frost/Nixon and make it an exciting thriller. In the late 70s, the United States was in a state of mourning for the majesty of the office of the president, after the corruption, resignation, and eventual pardon of Richard M. Nixon. This is the story of a popular, but hardly credible, British TV personality, David Frost (Michael Sheen), who had the audacity to pay the former president an exorbitant amount of money to participate in a series of interviews. Frost’s lack of serious credibility was his greatest strength, because Nixon (Frank Langella) and his people figured they’d be able to walk all over him during the interviews, and they almost completely succeeded…almost. B |
Funny Games
Dir: Michael Haneke Stars: Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, Michael Pitt I have to admire the complete failure at what director Michael Haneke was trying to do with Funny Games. It took me a while of watching, wincing, and contemplating what I was seeing to really grasp the whole thing. When I figured it out, I was fascinated by the idea, but loathed the way at which it was executed. Funny Games, on the surface, is a film about non-sensical psychological torture and murder, but underneath, it is so much more….but it completely fails while trying to BE that “so much more”, effectively making the audience simultaneously the meta-victims and the meta-perpetrators of the violence. C- |
George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead
Dir: George A. Romero There is no way that anyone, anywhere, at any time, will EVER convince me that someone will stand by filming while their friends are subjected to some life-threatening calamity. This is precisely why CLoverfield wasn't an "A" earlier this year…but at least the complete chaotic cinematography helped alleviate most of that complaint. In George Romero’s Diary of the Dead, film student Jason Creed actually stands there filming while slow-moving zombies bite into his friend’s arm and threaten to kill his girlfriend. How can any of this be scary when it is all so infuriatingly incredulous. I know zombie movies are inherently unbelievable…but I can only take the “suspension of disbelief” so far until it changes into sheer outlandishness. D |
Get Smart
Dir: Peter Segal Stars: Steve Carrell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson, Alan Alda I doubt you will see a more perfectly cast comedy in all of 2008 than Get Smart, a remake of the old TV Show. Steve Carell as the bumbling Maxwell Smart, Agent 86. Anne Hathaway as the sultry vixen, Agent 99. Dwayne Johnson is the veteran spy, Agent 23. Alan Arkin as the Chief. and Terence Stamp as the head of KAOS. That is enough to bring some pure joy to this spy comedy, but the film is ultimately a letdown in a very clear way. If you want to watch the best kind of espionage/law enforcement comedy, you can watch The Naked Gun. If you want to watch the best kind of espionage thriller, you can watch Mission: Impossible or James Bond If you watch Get Smart, you will be getting the short end of the stick on both genres. It is pretty funny at parts, and pretty exciting at others, but neither of the two interlocking genres ever really elevate this film to greatness. C+ |
Ghost Town
Dir: David Koepp Stars: Ricky Gervais, Greg Kinnear, Tea Leoni I had never seen an episode of the original “The Office”. I had never seen “Extras”. All I had ever seen of Ricky Gervais is various award show appearances and Night at the Museum…so I never really understood his popularity. Until I saw this film. In Ghost Town, Gervais is hysterical, firing off the one-liners in ways that irritate you so much, that you can hardly stand it. I wouldn’t hesitate to call this man’s comedy “brilliant”, it is just too bad I found this out in a movie that is so run-of-the-mill. I would have thought that the brilliant screenwriter David Koepp would have provided us with something a bit more original. B- Bluray |
Gran Torino
Dir: Clint Eastwood Stars: Clint Eastwood IMDB #162 Clint Eastwood is gruff. That is almost THE defining characteristic throughout all of his cinematic characters. The Man With No Name, Harry Callahan, William Munney, Frankie Dunn; these characters aren't anything if they aren't gruff. I guess it is kind of fantastic that for Eastwood's self-proclaimed final acting role, that of Walter Kowalski, is his meanest and gruffest, but also one of the most rich. Gran Torino is a tragic film that can make you laugh at times as much as any comedy. Clint Eastwood has hit an amazing stride in this new millennium with films like Mystic River, Million Dollar Baby, and now this little gem. His films aren't flashy or even very high concept, but they focus on the human condition and really make the audience think...and that is a hell of a lot more than what can be said about most other films. A- Bluray |
Hamlet 2
Dir: Andrew Fleming Stars: Steve Coogan, Elizabeth Shue, Catherine Keener Shakespeare’s Hamlet was quite a tragic figure. His tragic downfall was caused by his inability to act. Even though he knew that Claudius killed his father, his self-doubt eventually led to his death, and the deaths of many other people. I guess that theme is successfully resurrected with the new comedy Hamlet 2, the story of a high school drama teacher out to stage a production of an absurd sequel. The inability to act can be attributed to the making of the FILM Hamlet 2, not really the story of it, because the filmmakers never seem to go the extra, insulting distance and make a great comedy. It is a film about having edge and rebelling against the establishment, but the film itself doesn’t have much edge and seems to want to AVOID any sort of rebellious attitude. This loser isn't trying to make art...it is very obvious. He is just trying to irritate...and he succeeds. C |
The Hammer
Dir: Charles Herman-Wurmfeld Stars: Adam Carolla It is a shame that when The Man Show finally went off the air, that only Jimmy Kimmel went on to significant notoriety and Adam Corolla slipped into obscurity. The only way anyone really knows about him anymore is because he found his way onto Dancing With the Stars and his podcast. I always found Corolla funny, and that was the reason why I went ahead and watched his pet project, The Hammer, which he wrote and starred in. It has a perfect balance of storytelling and humor, whereby the humor is strong and dry, but the story is actually quite serious and sweet. B- |
Hancock
Dir: Peter Berg Stars: Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman In 2008, Will Smith was by far our best movie star. He could elevate even the worst movies into something watchable merely by his presence (see Wild, Wild West). He is funny when he needs to be funny. He is emotional when he needs to be emotional. He is action-packed when he needs to be action-packed. That is lucky for Peter Berg’s film Hancock, because it needed Smith to be firing on all cylinders to save it from complete failure. At times, at its brisk 90 minute runtime, Hancock feels like half a movie. Other times, it feels like 3 movies squashed into one, with the slapstick farce at the beginning, the semi-serious redemption story in the middle, and the dark, emotional drama at the end. It is all an uneven, barely fleshed out mess, but Smith is so charismatic and fun that it is pretty much forgivable. C+ |
The Happening
Dir: M. Night Shyamalan Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel Oh M. You were so promising back in 1999 when you unveiled The Sixth Sense on us. You are talented behind the camera and can really sell the visuals behind your stories, but ever since 1999, your scare tactics have been really falling flat. I was actually a huge fan of his 2006 bomb, Lady in the Water, with its whimsical storytelling and beautiful Christopher Doyle cinematography, but even that success fell flat when it tried to scare us. Now, the once promising M. Night Shyamalan has written, produced, and directed the worst movie of his career (yes…worse than The Village). The Happening is just a complete and utter mess. It has dialogue that is as corny and unrealistic as you can imagine. It has a “villain” that is so not scary that you feel like the movie is wasting your time. But most of all….it takes one of our finest, tough-guy actors and turns him into a whining, milquetoast softy who is the most uninteresting of protagonists. It isn't an "F" because it has a bit of "so bad it's good" absurdity to it. D |
Harold & Kumar
Escape From Guantanamo Bay Dir: Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg Stars: John Cho, Kal Penn, Rob Corddry See…this is why sometimes little sleeper hits should just be left alone and never be given a sequel. Should there be a Mean Girls sequel? Of course not. Should a Sideways 2: Electric Bugaloo be in the works? Hell No!!! So why oh why did they make a sequel to Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle? It didn’t make a whole lot of money the first time around so it certainly isn’t a cash cow. I just don’t get it. Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay is simply awful…completely bastardizing the characters that were so charming and funny the first time around. They simultaneously fight against the stereotyping of their characters while fitting PERFECTLY into the same stereotypes. It's that bad. D+ |
Heckler
Dir: Michael Addis Stars: Jamie Kennedy The title of the film Heckler is sort of ironically perfect. The film is about how Jamie Kennedy is one of the most criticized and heckled comedians in show business…but not only is the film more about CRITICISM than heckling, but Kennedy doesn’t even understand that it is anyone’s right to be a critic nor does he understand that critics are out to share their own opinions, not be rudders of society. So while Kennedy is trying to exhibit a documentary where he feels he is unfairly abashed, he is giving it the wrong title and using a flawed definition of critic. I guess he DOES deserve to be heckled. D+ |
OSCARS
Best Art Direction
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Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Dir: Guillermo del Toro Stars: Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, Seth MacFarlane When I wrote about the first Hellboy movie back in 2004, I didn’t even mention the director’s name. I didn’t know who he was and wasn’t sure of how much of an impact he had into creating such an original universe. Since then, Guillermo Del Toro has directed the vastly successful Pan’s Labyrinth, punched out this Hellboy sequel that is even more mesmerizingly creative than the original. After watching a film like Hellboy II: The Golden Army, a film that would have been an amazing train wreck in untalented hands, I rest assured that Del Toro has the creative and technical chops to tackle the fantasy genre like no other director seems to be able to. Hellboy II’s success is almost completely do to its visual style, which is so grand that George Lucas is BRIGHT green with envy. B+ |
The House Bunny
Dir: Fred Wolf Stars: Anna Faris, Colin Hanks, Emma Stone I like Anna Faris. I think she is adorable...and funny, which makes her even more adorable. I guess it is quite a compliment to say that in her new movie, The House Bunny she holds her own around real Playboy Bunnies and fits right in. However, even though the movie is shallow and gratuitous, that isn’t its problem. If you are going into an Anna Faris vehicle, made by Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison production company, about a Playboy Bunny that becomes the housemother to the loser sorority, expecting a movie that is NOT shallow and gratuitous, then you are completely kidding yourself. No…the problem with The House Bunny is much simpler. It is simply not quite funny enough. I thought I was in for some great chuckles while watching beautiful women. What guy wouldn’t enjoy that? Well…the beautiful women were there. The chuckles were lacking. Mostly because the laughs were mostly telegraphed a million miles away. But Faris is charming and keeps it alive. B- DVD |
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People
Dir: Robert B. Weide Stars: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox, Jeff Bridges I am a huge fan of Simon Pegg. I think he is outstanding, on many levels, in his Edgar Wright directed films (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World's End). In this film, he is the same likeable character, and he is installed into a story similar to The Devil Wears Prada, but the whole endeavor turns out to be ridiculous and poorly executed. There are certain aspects to the story that simply don’t make any sense…and others that ring true and authentic, and it provides us with an uneven, absurd, but entertaining time. If Director Robert Weide had a bit more experience, he may have pulled it off…as it is…it’s just ok. C+ |
OSCARS
Best Original Screenplay
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In Bruges
Dir: Martin McDonagh Stars: Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Ralph Fiennes The balance between humor and drama in this film is absolutely perfect and could not be better. On the surface of the film, there is a story of two hitmen hiding out in the city of Bruges, Belgium. One of them is excited for the beauty and history, the other is bored out of his mind. But bubbling below the surface is the severe guilt and anxiety that one of them has after a hit went wrong...and it is REALLY intense. I love this movie so much. It is gorgeous, hysterical, and devastatingly sad, all at the same time. McDonagh is a brilliant writer. This is one of those films where the characters have a LOT to say...but it all feels real, natural, and purposeful. A |
The Incredible Hulk
Dir: Louis Letterier Stars: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, William Hurt, Tim Roth, Tim Blake Nelson I have said it before and I will say it again…characters that are indestructible and impervious to pain are pretty uninteresting. When there is no danger to a character’s well being…there isn’t much excitement. Also, I can’t stand it when two CGI creations are fighting amongst themselves (see Van Helsing…actually….don’t!!). So I guess it is a bit impressive that Edward Norton and Director Louis Letterier (The Transporter movies) squeak by with presenting us with both of these scenarios in The Incredible Hulk. The whole endeavor is pretty superfluous, since the 2003 Ang Lee version was not NEARLY as bad as the press might lead you to believe, but this new incantation of the Hulk has some fun with itself. B- Bluray |
Indiana Jones and the
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Dir: Steven Spielberg Stars: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Shia LaBeouf, Karen Allen, John Hurt, Ray Winstone Not for years has a franchise’s resurrection been so incredibly welcome. I grew up watching the Indiana Jones trilogy over, and over, and over (Particularly Temple of Doom) so I have a heightened sense of nostalgia attached to the character. Of course, after a 20-year absence and the advancing age of our hero…one has to be a bit skeptical about the Fedora-sporting, whip-cracking archaeologists return. After sitting through the insanely energetic, funny, goofy, and wholly ridiculous Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I am confident in stating that even pretty bad movies can still strike a nerve with me. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me that this movie was awful. But I kept smiling, kept getting excited, and kept relishing in the nostalgia. I can't ignore it. The heart wants what it wants. B+ Bluray |
In the Name of the King:
A Dungeon Siege Tale Dir: Uwe Boll Stars: Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, Burt Reynolds, Ron Perlman, Ray Liotta All you really have to do to tell how good In the Name of the King is is look at the poster and read the cast list. Who is that in the center? Jason Statham. So there will be some badass fights in it. Who is that to his left? LeeLee Sobieski. There is a reason no one has heard from her in years. Those other two actors? Yep…Burt Reynolds and Ray Liotta…and they are as out of place in a fantasy epic as you would expect. The whole film is like Lord of the Rings if it were directed by Peter Jackson when he was 9 years old. There is pretty much no interest in story, emotion, or plot development. It is concerned with production design and really great battle sequences…but it is all pretty stupid when you look beyond the surface. C+ |
OSCARS
Best Sound Editing
Best Visual Effects |
Iron Man
Dir: Jon Favreau Stars: Robert Downey Jr., Gwenyth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges, Jon Favreau I like my Comic-Book Heroes human. When they are super-human like Spider-Man, or ESPECIALLY Superman, they are virtually indestructible and therefore there is never any tension, excitement, or fear when they are in danger. Before Director Jon Favreau’s excellent adaptation of Iron Man, we had a great human hero in Batman. Actually, Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark are similar heroes. They are both brilliant people with access to military technologies that give them artificial powers. But where Bruce Wayne is dark, disturbed, and out to thwart crime anywhere in Gotham city…Tony Stark is crass, goofy, and just out to correct his own past mistakes…and Robert Downey Jr. plays him to utter perfection. B+ DVD |
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer
Dir: John Knautz Stars: Robert Englund, Trevor Matthews My criteria for deciding to watch Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer was pretty simple. I saw that filmcritic.com gave it 4 ½ stars…, which is a very high rating for them. Then I went ahead and saw that poster. Just look at that thing. Ridiculously over-the-top, cool looking monsters, a hot girl, and Robert Englund. How can it go wrong? Well…it kind of sucks…that’s how. The title actually should have been Jack Brooks: On the Verge of Becoming a Monster Slayer. C- |
JCVD
Dir: Mabrouk El Mechri Stars: JCVD This was a cool, little meta-thriller with a take on an aging action icon playing himself. JCVD was once one of the greatest action stars in the world...but age has caught up to him as it does with all the best of them. This movie has him playing himself, in the same aging situation where both he ands society thinks he is a has been. Then he is thrust into a bank robbery situation and he is forced to act like his cinema personna. It's pretty unique and fun...and the action is more down to earth than JCVD is used to. As it should...since this movie is pretending it is real life. B- |
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Dir: Eric Brevig Stars: Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson First…a few scientific facts…from a scientist…Me: -The pressure at the center of the Earth is billions of pounds per square inch -Gravity is 10% stronger, making it harder to move, walk, and even breathe -10 year spikes in temperature to the 200 degree Fahrenheit level makes it impossible to sustain an ecosystem. -Accelerating enough to go 4000 miles in approximately 30 seconds produces enough g forces to liquefy the human body. There are many, MANY more scientific impossibilities that show their ugly head during the course of this film, but you know what? None of it matters. With the ever-welcome presence of Brendan Fraser (whom I have not seen since his small part in Crash) and the exciting use of live-action 3D effects, I felt like I was 10 years old again…being transported to a world that can never exist, ever, following characters that could never survive their adventure, and never being bored by the experience, ever!! B- |
Jumper
Dir: Doug Liman Stars: Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Jamie Bell, Rachel Bilson Director Doug Liman really knocked it out of the park with The Bourne Identity. He gave us a thoroughly exciting film with a well-executed storyline. After that…he got careless. He still had the action muscle to fill the screen with adrenaline-pumping sequences in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but the whole storyline was utterly absurd. Now comes his newest action spectacular, Jumper…and it is even worse. He STILL can choreograph a great action scene, and your breath will be taken away on several occasions…but since there is complete apathy toward every single person on screen, there is no tension, no emotion, and simply nothing to care about. Jumper is about a guy who can teleport himself to anywhere he wants in the world and the brotherhood who is out to hunt him down and kill him. Or maybe it is about the special effects necessary to make people teleport….because in all actuality…it couldn’t be LESS about the Jumper or those hunting him. C- |
Kabluey
Dir: Scott Prendergast Stars: Scott Prendergast, Lisa Kudrow, Christine Taylor, Teri Garr I bet you don’t know who Scott Prendergast is. I didn’t…and I know a LOT of names throughout Hollywood. Kabluey only got on my radar because I wrote a brief description of the film for my Fantasy Box Office League Draft, and the poster made me laugh. When you see a generally barren landscape with a bright blue mascot standing out, it makes you wonder. So I gave it a shot…and throughout its minimalist tone following a man forced to take a pretty embarrassing job as a giant blue mascot, I pretty much enjoyed myself the whole time. B- |
OSCARS
Best Animated Film
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Kung Fu Panda
Dir: Mark Osborne, John Stevenson Voices: Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Ian McShane, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Lucy Liu, David Cross, Seth Rogen For whatever reason, this fantastic animated film clicked with me. Its a rather classic story, where a fool falls ass-backwards into a prophecy, much to the confusion of the rest of the characters, and then he goes on to fulfill said prophecy in inventive and exciting ways. The voices are pitch perfect. The action is wonderful. The comedy is often hysterical, the design and music is authentic and really sets the tone properly. It is simply one of the most solid animated films Dreamworks has ever done. A- DVD |
Lakeview Terrace
Dir: Neil LaBute Stars: Samuel L. Jackson, Patrick Wilson, Kerry Washington It has been a long time since I was so genuinely affected in a very specific way while watching a seemingly banal thriller. As I sat through Lakeview Terrace, I wasn’t excited, nor was I scared, nor was I exhilarated. How did I feel? Uncomfortable. This film…about a Racist cop who terrorizes his neighbors who happen to be a mixed couple…made me feel so incredibly uncomfortable, with every nuance, every conversation, every threat, and every exchange. I felt myself shifting in my seat several times…all for a movie that is wholly unoriginal. You have to admire a movie that gives you that sort of powerful reaction. B- |
Leatherheads
Dir: George Clooney Stars: George Clooney, John Krasinski, Renee Zellweger Since George Clooney has been nominated for Oscars, people may have forgotten how incredibly funny the man can be. Even though the Ocean’s 11 movies were funny, Clooney usually played the straight guy, and the laughs revolved around him. Actually, the last time we got a good taste at the comic timing of this charismatic actor was in O, Brother. Where Art Thou?. You can be sure, being Clooney, that he chooses his projects carefully…and it usually pays off. This time around, he decides to direct, as well as star in, a lighthearted period comedy about pro-football in the 1920s. There are some laughs, and it is very well written….but it is just a bunch of unimportant fluff. Nearly nothing is taken away from this movie…but you will have a good time watching it...mostly because Clooney is so much fun. B- |
Let the Right One In
Dir: Tomas Alfredson 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die I am the rare cinephile who prefers Matt Reeves's 2010 remake of this film...but it is still a pretty solid, original vampire story...in a Hollywood sea of vampire movies that are garbage. This original, Swedish version is slow, atmospheric, and eventually a bit tedious...whereby the 2010 film injected a bit more sorrow and sinisterness to the proceedings. Be that as it may...this version will scare you, will send shivers down your spine...and man oh man that penultimate pool scene. B- |
The Love Guru
Dir: Marco Schnabel Stars: Mike Meyers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Romany Malco, Verne Troyer What happened to Mike Meyers? His Autin Powers movies went downhill really fast...and then he comes out with this thing. I don't even really get it. This character is so stupid and so corny that he doesn't exist on any real plane of existence. If a man like this showed up in any kind of public forum, he'd either be laughed out of the room or arrested for being a crazy person. Add on to that a bunch of strange toilet humor, puns, and just overall juvenile nonsense. I laughed a few times, I'll admit...but Meyers' has lost it. D+ DVD |
Mama's Boy
Dir: Tim Hamilton Stars: Jon Heder, Diane Keaton, Anna Faris This is one of those movies I don’t really want to waste time mentioning…but I will anyway... Mama’s Boy is about a 29-year old man child who still lives at home with his mother. The father died many years ago. The mother starts dating a motivational speaker and they develop a good relationship. The son befriends a local coffee shop girl to help him destroy his mom’s new beau. This impressively starred Jon Heder, Diane Keaton, Jeff Daniels, and Anna Faris…and it went straight to DVD!!!! If that doesn’t explain the entire experience of sitting through Mama’s boy, then nothing will!! D- |
Mamma Mia!
Dir: Phyllida Lloyd Stars: Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgaard, Christine Baranski, Julie Walters, Amanda Seyfried, Dominic Cooper If you are one of the millions and millions of people who have seen Mamma Mia on stage, then you already know what kind of experience you are in for. Watching this musical that shoehorns ABBA music into a story about a girl and her 3 possible dads, you immediately feel that the creators must have been main-lining sunshine and bubble gum right into their veins. It is contrived, ridiculous, and almost insultingly manipulative when the story takes turns to simply fit the title of the next ABBA song. You know what else it is? Irresistible. I really enjoyed the Broadway musical. I enjoyed watching the big-screen version with the likes of Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan even more. B DVD |
OSCARS
Best Documentary
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Man on Wire
Dir: James Marsh What a grand, inspirational, terrifying documentary Man on Wire is. It chronicles Philippe Petit and his dream to walk a tightrope across the span between the World Trade Center in 1974, and accomplishing that dream. This film is as exciting as a Bruckheimer film, as unnerving as any heist film you have ever seen, and flat out mesmerizing. What Petit did is almost unimaginable, and each member of his team, including himself, thought of it so…that is until Petit was actually out there in the wire. If you have acrophobia, this will be one of the scariest movies you will ever see. A |
Max Payne
Dir: John Moore Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges Hollywood must really think we are idiots. Max Payne is a perfect example of a movie where the filmmakers just figure that the audience won’t care about GLARING plot holes and flat-out impossible scenarios. I am not talking about the death-defying stunts or ridiculous gunplay, that is all part of the action genre. I’m talking about characters showing up with knowledge and abilities that makes absolutely no sense…if one was actually paying the least bit of attention to the plot. D+ |
Meet Dave
Dir: Brian Robbins Stars: Eddie Murphy, Elizabeth Banks, Ed Helms, Gabrielle Union I’ve always been a fan of Eddie Murphy, and he is an actor who has made some of the unfunniest comedies imaginable. However, for every The Adventures of Pluto Nash, there is a Coming to America. For every The Haunted Mansion, there is a Bowfinger. This time around, Murphy has teamed up with his Norbit director, Brian Robbins, to make Meet Dave, and I have to say that I laughed my ass off for the entire first half of the film…that is until the plot got in the way of the comedy. A lot of the physical comedy the "ship" Eddie Murphy goes through is exceptionally funny, but everything else is pretty mediocre with horrible special effects. C |
Meet the Spartans
Dir: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer Stars: Sean Maguire, Carmen Electra, Kevin Sorbo If any of you have been following the website over the past few years, you surely came across my loathing opinions of Date Movie and Epic Movie. They were both written and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, two guys who broke from the Scary Movie crew to go out and make their own spoof movies. I REALLY hated those other movies. They are nowhere near being timeless…since they make fun of stuff that is only relevant to the exact month they were released. Also, they often parodied comedies that were MUCH funnier than their spoof…and that just doesn’t work. However, they smartened up and decided to spoof 300, a movie RIPE for parody, and call it Meet the Spartans. I LOVED the original movie, and the spoof made me laugh a lot. Whenever they decide to make fun of things like Paris Hilton or the various Judging panels on different reality shows, I grimace in unfunny pain. When they make fun of the homoerotic subtext, the slow-motion action, and the use of special effects, among others, it is really funny stuff. C+ Bluray |
Midnight Meat Train
Dir: Ryuhei Kitamura Stars: Bradley Cooper, Vinnie Jones This is the best horror movie involving a man murdering subway riders to send their bodies to some gruesome monster in the subway tunnels. It's everything you expect. It is stupid but well filmed and will feed a bit of yopur cinematic bloodlust. C- |
OSCARS
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Milk
Dir: Gus Van Sant Stars: Sean Penn, Emile Hirsch, Josh Brolin, James Franco This is a straightforward biopic, about the gay activist Harvey Milk, his accomplishment of becoming the first openly gay elected official, and his subsequent assassination. It is simply done incredibly well. Penn is as good as he has ever been and the supporting cast really keeps up with him and shines in their own way. Nothing too special or groundbreaking about the film...but it is really, really solid. A- |
Mirrors
Dir: Alexandre Aja Stars: Keifer Sutherland, Paula Patton, Amy Smart I guess everything can be made into a horror movie. This one gives us an idea that mirrors are actually windows into other dimensions, and there are ghosts there, or something. Ok fine. Keifer Sutherland is what keeps this thing from totally sucking, bringing an intensity and creepy factor like he did way back in Flatliners. It just feels a bit too much like all those garbage Japanese horror films where it doesn't make too much sense...but there are a few spine tingles here and there. C |
Mother of Tears
Dir: Dario Argento Stars: Asia Argento Italian director Dario Argento is known as a “Master of Horror”. He is famous for films that are both delicately artistic and grotesquely graphic. I felt if I were to become familiar with Argento, I’d see his newest film, Mother of Tears, which is apparently the third film of a loosely connected trilogy about witches and witchcraft. This film stars his daughter Asia, as the sprite museum worker Sarah Mandy, and she is somehow involved in the resurrection of the “Mother of Tears”, a beautiful and violent witch, hell bent on destroying humanity. Fine family fare....and pretty much a pretty waste of your time. C |
The Mummy:
Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Dir: Rob Cohen Stars: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello I have to say that I DO miss Rick O’Connell and his Mummy vanquishing ways. It is so much fun watching an Indiana Jones Lite film with silly special effects, goofy one-liners, fun archaeology that the filmmakers take a lot of creative leaps with, and a lot of great action. It has been 7 long years since he was battling Imhotep for the second time….but I guess Egyptian mummies can only be resurrected and killed twice. This time around…The O’Connells are whisked away to China to battle Jet Li’s Dragon Emperor mummy, and along with the O’Connells, a lot of the fun and magic of the franchise is whisked away as well. Rachel Weisz was smart to get out while she still could. C |
My Best Friend's Girl
Dir: Howard Deutch Stars: Dane Cook, Kate Hudson, Jason Biggs This film could have been pretty decent…if only it was about what it is supposed to be about. Alas, My Best Friend’s Girl is not really about anything other than people acting like assholes. The premise, seemingly, is that Dane Cook is the guy that people hire to take their exes out and treat them like crap, making them run back into their arms. It is kind if a perverse, backward version of Hitch…but it is all so artificial. Dane Cook is enjoyable as we see what depths he sinks to in order to repel the women he is hired to take out, but that formula is immediately sabotaged and forgotten…all to the supreme detriment of this mess of a movie. D |
My Blueberry Nights
Dir: Wong Kar Wai Stars: Norah Jones, Jude Law, David Strathairn, Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman Norah Jones is a singer, not an actress. That is abundantly clear in Wong Kar Wai’s newest film. She can’t act…and this fact is underlined so thoroughly because she shares the screen with such great performances from Jude Law, Rachel Weisz, Natalie Portman, and especially David Strathairn. I was so conflicted by this film because I was truly moved by nearly all of those supporting performances, but the movie was ultimately arbitrary and unfocused (sometimes quite literally unfocused) to the point that I felt I was watching an episodic mish-mash of pretty much nothing important. If the supporting performances weren’t so strong, this film would have been insufferable. C- |
Never Back Down
Dir: Jeff Wadlow Stars: Sean Faris, Djimon Hounsou, Amber Heard This film is essentially Fight Club, involving high-schoolers, without any of the self-reflection, anarchy, and nihilism. It is just a bunch of meatheads punching each other. It is well-made about meatheads punching each other...but that's all it is. D+ |
Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist
Dir: Peter Sollett Stars: Michael Cera, Kat Dennings I don’t think I would use the word BAD whilst describing this film…but I think I would use the word BLAH. This story, about one night in the city, looking for a band, meeting a new girl, trying to get over the old girl, and taking care of your overly drunk friend…is really hard to relate to anymore. People with a lot less maturity will probably enjoy this film a whole lot more than I did, but it has its charm here and there. C |
Nim's Island
Dir: Jennifer Flackett & Mark Levin Stars: Jodie Foster, Gerard Butler, Abigail Breslin Have you ever watched a movie that you feel you have figured out early on and you are excited to watch that expectation unfold only to be disappointed at the end? That usually happens in horror movies. This time, it happens in the family film Nim’s Island. I won’t divulge what I thought the movie was going to be about, because I guess it can be construed as a spoiler. As it is, Nim’s Island is pretty harmless, but it is ultimately an unsatisfying story about an 11-year-old girl living on a tropical island with her father in a sort of updated Swiss Family Robinson. C |
Noise
Dir: Henry Bean Stars: Tim Robbins, William Hurt, Bridget Moynahan Noise’s primary success hinges on the fact that it plays out one of nearly every city-dweller’s fantasies…bringing an end to the NOISE…more specifically car alarms. Everyone knows that pattern by heart. Woooo Woooo Woooo Werrrr Werrrr Werrrr Boiww Boiww Boiww Whoooooooooooiiiiip whoooooooooooiiiiip Ehhhh Ehhhh Ehhhh Baaaahhh Beeehhhh Baaaahhh Beeehhhh And it repeats and repeats. Writer/Director does a great job making this sound one of the worst “fingernails on a chalkboard” sound I have ever heard from a movie…and he cast Tim Robbins as the Rectifier, a man who just can’t take his serene life being interrupted by such a pointless, annoying commodity…and he will deal with all the garbage trucks, sirens, and jack hammering later. B- |
One Missed Call
Dir: Eric Valette Stars: Edward Burns, Shannyn Sossamon This is what One Missed Call has to offer: A ridiculous story based on a Japanese Horror film The device where your phone rings and your voicemail has a clip of yourself dying C-List Stars Shannon Sossamon and Ed Burns Creepy but inexplicable, ghostly visuals and last but not least….. A police detective played by Margaret Cho!!!!! Take ONE guess how good this movie is!!!!!! D |
OSS 117 Cairo: Nest of Spies
Dir: Michel Hazanavicius Stars: Jean Dujardin Shut up!! I don’t have to explain myself to you!! So what if I tracked down a random French Spy-movie spoof and watched it. It got decent reviews…and I am always looking for a good laugh. Plus…I’ve been lacking in seeing foreign films this year. Wait…I just explained myself. I guess I couldn’t help it. I guess I feel that people should know why I am nuts and choose such ridiculous, hardly-seen movies. C+ |
The Other Boleyn Girl
Dir: Justin Chatwick Stars: Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Eric Bana Sometimes, certain aspects of a movie are done so well that it can elevate that movies quality above a GLARING shortcoming. The pedigree of this film is pretty impressive. Eric Bana is Henry Tudor (Henry the VIII) and Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson are the Boleyn sisters (Natalie as Anne, Scarlett as Mary). On top of that, the film is adapted by Peter Morgan, the talented scribe who wrote The Queen and The Last King of Scotland. If only they had gotten a more seasoned director, instead of Justin Chadwick (you won’t recognize ANYTHING in his filmography, which is all TV shows), this film could have been a real triumph. Be that as it may, The Other Boleyn Girl is very entertaining, in spite of the terrible direction and editing...whereby almost every scene feels cut off about 15 seconds too early. B- |
Pathology
Dir: Marc Scholermann Stars: Milo Ventimiglia, Alyssa Milano Again...a neat idea for a thriller, written by the psychopath filmmakers Neveldine & Taylor, where it follows a bunch of medical students obsessed with figuring out "causes of death" during autopsies to an extreme level of competition. So of course, people are going to start killing in ridiculous ways to see if they can fool their med-schoolmates. Yeah...it's that stupid. It is so obviously trying to be a variation on Flatliners but it just turns out dumb. D |
Penelope
Dir: Mark Palansky Stars: Christina Ricci, James McAvoy, Catherine O'Hara, Reese Witherspoon You often hear stories of movies that sit on studio shelves for years after they are completed. There are many different excuses for such shelving…unfinished effects, contract disputes, and most often…simple mediocrity. If you search for the film Penelope on IMDB, it will come up with a “2006” next to it…which is when it was completed, and I am sad to say that the reason THIS movie was shelved had to have been that “mediocrity” excuse. It is hard to imagine with the likes of Christina Ricci, James McAvoy, and Reese Witherspoon (also the main producer) that a movie could be lost to such sub-standard quality but it is true. There is really nothing special about it. C |
Pineapple Express
Dir: David Gordon Green Stars: Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, Gary Cole I guess it was inevitable. Hollywood’s comedy golden boy, Judd Apatow, has turned in a dud. I guess it might be because I really can’t relate to the pot-smoking subculture, but the Pineapple Express flew right past my station and I wasn’t able to jump on board. This is a movie whose comedy revolves around people being high and not being able to get a grasp on the seriousness of their situation…and that joke goes on for 2 hours…and there isn’t much else. C- |
Postal
Dir: Uwe Boll Stars: Dave Foley Do you know who Uwe Boll is? If you don’t…consider yourself lucky that you haven’t been witness to his crimes against the cinematic world. When In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is your The Godfather, it is not a good thing. The man has built a career, of sorts, on video game adaptations…and failed miserably at ever turn in near Ed Wood-level proportions. He even took his critics to task and boxed a lot of them in Vegas…as if that even made sense. Now we get Postal, and I don’t even know what this is supposed to be. It is some sort of parody, making jokes about our country and our society without pulling any punches or even a hint of human decency. D- |
Pride & Glory
Dir: Gavin O'Connor Stars: Edward Norton, Colin Farrell Norton and Farrell are firing on all cylinders, and this movie is just tense and exciting at the highest levels. It follows a good cop uncovering corruption that involves his brother-in-law. Drastically simple, but it delves into moral quandaries involving the police force, family, and basic decency. It doesn't need specifics...but you will be sick-to-your-stomach with fear and tension. B+ |
Prom Night
Dir: Nelson McCormick Stars: Brittany Snow When I first put in the DVD for Prom Night and sat down next to Tricia to enjoy a stupid teenager slasher movie, I thought I was in for some stupid, gory fun. Of course I didn’t expect the movie to be GOOD…but as someone who sees all sorts of movies, I expected at least something to laugh about with my girlfriend. Then one of those initial screens popped up that is in front of most DVDs, and it said that the following movie was rated PG-13. WHAT?? I couldn’t believe it…not only was this movie going to be bead, but there isn’t going to be any gore, sex, nudity, or cursing. What a complete waste of time. D- |
The Promotion
Dir: Steve Conrad Stars: Seann William Scott, John C. Reilly The premise for this movie is super simple and bland. Two assistant managers at a grocery store both want to be considered for a promotion to full manager. They both have strengths and weaknesses, and these former friends are now out to sabotage the other in pursuit of the new job. It's all so familiar as to wonder why anyone bothered. I like Scott & Reilly so that keeps it from being awful. C+ |
Quantum of Solace
Dir: Marc Forster Stars: Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Gemma Arterton With Quantum of Solace’s exuberant release…Bond is back!!! Or is he?? I mean…when I think of Bond, I think of an overblown plot, a ridiculously egomaniacal villain, and a suave, double-entendre spouting leading man. That is the way it has been for decades, and truth be told, I haven’t been too much of a fan, but it is the established genre of ”The Bond Film”. Quantum of Solace isn’t even close to a Bond film. Daniel Craig is still an astonishing action star, but he has virtually none of the Bond suaveness he showed in Casino Royale, Mathieu Almaric is an even worse, immaterial villain than last time, and agent 007 seems hardly interested in the beautiful women around him. What happened? All that come out of this effort is a run-of-the-mill lesser-Bourne film. C |
Quarantine
Dir: John Erick Dowdle Stars: Jennifer Carpenter Movies about events “caught on Film” are becoming more and more popular. In 2008, we have seen how filmmakers have done it absolutely right (Cloverfield) and absolutely wrong (Diary of the Dead). As I said in the previous reviews of those films…most of their success hinge on the believability of the actors (that they can be anyone and everyone) and how realistic that someone would be holding a camera during all the mayhem and horror. Quarantine does it all just about right, giving us a scary, claustrophobic, brutally realistic film that effectively applies the “caught on film” technique without ever feeling corny or ridiculous. B- DVD |
OSCARS
Best Actress
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Rachel Getting Married
Dir: Jonathan Demme Stars: Anne Hathaway Anne Hathaway is better than she has ever been here, playing a strong, yet weak, down to earth, relatable, vulnerable woman pitch perfectly. He story is that she is a trainwreck of a woman, in and out of rehab for years, who has to return home for her sister's wedding. Obviously the tropes of the black sheep of the family are all there, but her performance keeps it all grounded and Demme's direction keeps it all on the tracks where it doesn't become too funny and slapstick or too melodramatic. B+ |
Rambo
Dir: Sylvester Stallone Stars: Sylvester Stallone This is kind of a perfect example of how untalented Stallone is. He worked as a ridiculous cartoon character in cheesy 80s films...now that he is 100 years old and trying to relive that success...it is just sad as hell. So here he is as Rambo again, and he is out to save Christian missionaries in the middle of the Southeast Asian jungle. And a lot of people get shot and blowed-up good. The only real way to describe this is cumpletely and utterly embarrassing. D- |
OSCARS
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The Reader
Dir: Stephen Daldry Stars: Kate Winslet, Ralph Fiennes If The Reader were well balanced, with a first half as gloriously perfect as the second, it would have been an astonishingly well-made film. As it is…it is “just” a great one. Kate Winslet gives one of the best performances of her career (and that says something) and we get great supporting performances by David Kross and Ralph Fiennes, both playing Michael Berg, at different ages. Stephen Daldry directs the film, adapted from the popular Bernhard Schlink novel, and it all comes across as an emotional powerhouse. The subject matter lends itself to a bit of emotional manipulation, but since it almost always works, you can’t fault the movie for it. I just wish the first 45 minutes didn’t make me keep checking my watch and hoping the movie would just “get on with it”. A- |
Redbelt
Dir: David Mamet Stars: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Emily Mortimer Chiwetel Ejiofor not only has one of the coolest names in Hollywood, but he seems to get better and better every time I see him. He had great supporting turns in films like Melinda & Melinda, Children of Men, Love Actually, American Gangster, Serenity, and Talk to Me, but he has never had a great lead role. That has changed with his fantastic turn as Mike Terry in David Mamet’s new film, Redbelt. It is refreshing when someone elevates themselves from the obscurity of character acting to leading man. He plays a Jiu Jitsu master who is serene and stoic in ways that would surprise you. He teaches people martial arts as a way to defend and prevail, not to win competitions. B- |
Religulous
Dir: Larry Charles Stars: Bill Maher If I were to live my life saying that everything I do is because God told me to do it, people would praise me for my faith and piousness. If I were to live the same life saying it was because Elvis, Jim Henson, or the Lock Ness Monster told me to…I’d be sent away to an insane asylum, or at least be thought of as a complete kook. So is how I feel, and have felt, about organized religion my entire life…and Bill Maher’s new film Religulous is a near PERFECT expression of my own thoughts and opinions. It is also funny and cleverly presented as a documentary. It tackles fundamentalism, televangelism, and everything in between. B+ DVD |
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Dir: Darren Lynn Bousman Stars: Paul Sorvino, Anthony Head It takes quite a disturbed mind to have the desire and vision to make movies like Saw II – IV. It takes a really DEPRAVED mind to decide to take that desire and vision and make an OPERA out of it. Well…that is just what Darren Lynn Bousman has done. He hasn’t done it particularly well, but he had the audacity to try…and that is somewhat admirable. His movie is called Repo: The Genetic Opera, where the goverment makes organ loans and repossesses said loans in a horrible dystopia, and it is equal parts Saw, Sweeney Todd, Blade Runner, and Rent…but none of the really good parts. C- |
Righteous Kill
Dir: Jon Avnet Stars: Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Carla Gugino Robert De Niro and Al Pacino surprisingly avoid disaster in their new movie Righteous Kill. When a pairing such as this is directed by someone without much street cred (Jon Avnet), the tendency is for iconic screen legends like De Niro and Pacino to portray caricatures of themselves. One would see this film and expect De Niro to emulate Jimmy Conway from Goodfellas and expect Pacino to scream “Hoo-wah” throughout the movie. Not the case. These two actors certainly ham it up at times, but are properly reserved in a film that requires them to be. Righteous Kill is a completely predictable, yet intriguing and exciting thriller, and a relief to see these two guys show off what it takes to be such acting legends. B- |
The Rocker
Dir: Peter Cattaneo Stars: Rainn Wilson, Josh Gad, Emma Stone I really hate Rain Wilson and almost everything he does. I don't find him funny or charismatic in any way. So the fact that this movie about an old 80s rock drummer given a second chance at fame gets a C from me means the filmmakers brilliantly held together a movie primed for disaster in my eye. With people like Josh Gad and Emma Stone, before anyone knew who they were, it makes it all palatable...and I will admit that some of Wilson's antics squeaked out a few laughs. C |
RocknRolla
Dir: Guy Ritchie Stars: Gerard Butler, Thandie Newton, Tom Wilkinson, Idris Elba When you go to a “Guy Ritchie” movie, you know precisely what you are going to be treated to. It is going to have a visually saturated look, the editing/camerawork is going to be very kinetic and adventurous, and you are going to hear/watch a bunch of British street-toughs with cockney accents that are barely decipherable. RocknRolla is no different, and that familiarity is kind of its downfall. I had a fun time sitting through RocknRolla, but I doubt I will remember ANYTHING about it in a few months. There are nice performances from Tom Wilkinson and Gerard Butler, but I’ll probably forget they were ever in this movie. C+ |
Rogue
Dir: Greg McLean Stars: Michael Vartan, Radha Mitchell, Sam Worthington Another year, another movie about a killer crocodile. That sounds ridiculous right? But I’m not kidding…I’ve seen a lot of killer crocodile movies. 2007 had Primeval and Lake Placid 2. 1999 saw the original Lake Placid. I’m even privy to the 1980 film Alligator with Robert Forster. I guess you can also count 2002’s Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course. I have a weird affinity for these creatures and the horror movies about them. This year brings us Rogue, and it is actually the best of the bunch. It is directed by Wolf Creek’s director, Greg McLean and stars some people with a little dignity…Rhada Mitchell and Michael Vartan. They are a long way from Melinda & Melinda and Alias respectively…but that distance has brought them to beautiful Australia and they are being hunted by a HUGE salt-water croc. C+ |
Role Models
Dir: David Wain Stars: Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott, Christopher Mintz-Plasse Once again, an R rated comedy has come out, been thoroughly successful, and I found myself surprised that Judd Apatow had nothing to do with it. Zack & Miri Make a Porno was the first one. Now we get Role Models, a raunchy yet heartfelt comedy about two thirty-something guys who are forced to go into a Big Brother program…and this one has Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, and even McLovin’ in it. I’m so glad that more and more filmmakers are successfully making R-rated comedies, and David Wain is one of the really good ones as proven with his hilarious past movies like Wet Hot American Summer. This is one of those films that are undoubtedly funny because they touch on universal ideas, jokes, and situations. B DVD |
Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
Dir: Marina Zenovich There are several directors who hold a mythic quality to cinephiles like me. Stanley Kubrick is one, and Roman Polanski is another. He is a man who creates movies that touch you on many levels, emotionally, frighteningly, and surrealistically. If you know of Polanski’s life, you know it is full of tragedy, involving the Holocaust and the ritual murder of his wife, Sharon Tate. Also, you are undoubtedly aware of his self-imposed exile from the United States to avoid being arrested for “Unlawful Sexual Intercourse” from when he slept with a 13-year-old girl back in 1977. Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired chronicles the events surrounding his arrest, prosecution, and eventually his fleeing to Paris. The film isn’t exhibitionist, just informative…but its greatest strength is that it doesn’t forgive Polanski for his trespasses…it just acknowledges that his “justice” was just as perverse as his sexual acts. B- |
The Ruins
Dir: Carter Smith Stars: Shawn Ashmore, Jena Malone The Ruins is a horror novel that was on the best-seller list for a long time. I never got around to reading it when it was at the height of its popularity because I prefer to buy paperbacks so they are easy to transport during my commute. When I finally got around to reading it…it certainly sparked my imagination and I enjoyed the extreme senses of despair throughout the story…I just thought there wasn’t much to it. It was honestly about a group of twenty-somethings hiking it to a set of ruins in the Mexican jungle, getting trapped there, and fighting for their lives. Not much else. But of course, since the book was such a success, the inevitable movie has been released. This film is not that bad, but there are some character trait swaps and scene cuts that make the movie even simpler and devoid of any extra insight into humans’ fight for survival. C+ |
Run, Fatboy, Run
Dir: David Schwimmer Stars: Simon Pegg, Thandie Newton, Hank Azaria This film is odd. It is a story about a loser who left his wife at the alter five years ago, and she was pregnant. The silly Simon Pegg plays the runaway groom, Dennis Doyle, and the film is directed by Friends alumnus, David Schwimmer. OK. So the film has some funny DNA in its genes. You know what? The reason I almost liked this movie wasn’t because of the comedy, which with very few exceptions, falls flat continuously. I ALMOST liked this movie because Simon Pegg’s likability lends the more serious and/or sweet moments some real emotion. Too bad I was in the mood for a comedy and this movie didn’t allow me to laugh enough. C- Bluray |
Saw V
Dir: David Hackl Stars: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor There is something very different going on in the newest installment of the Saw franchise. We still have overly elaborate killing machines, a lot of gore, creepy dolls, grotesque pigheads, and that always-chilling voice of Tobin Bell as Jigsaw. However, this time around, we have a new director (David Hackl, production designer of the last 3 Saw movies), and with him comes a strange desire to tie up a bunch of loose ends that have emerged throughout the series. Saw IV left us with a labyrinthine story that was very hard to get our heads around. Saw V’s mission is undoubtedly out to make coherence out of the 5 films, and it unfortunately at the expense of the scares. The intrigue of finding out what’s what is still there, and the horrific situations and kills are as complicated as ever…but you will not have any nightmares about it, that’s for sure. The film is to busy fitting pieces together and forgets to spill blood on them. C DVD |
Semi-Pro
Dir: Kent Alterman Stars: Will Ferrell, Woody Harrleson, Andre Benjamin, Will Arnett I have never had such an experience at the movies before. Every time I go to a “comedy”, regardless of how bad the film is, I can find a FEW laughs scattered throughout. Will Ferrell is basically the headlining comedian in Hollywood right now, so I was anxious to go se his new movie, Semi-Pro, a movie about the goofy owner, coach, and star player of the 1976 Flint Tropics, an ABA basketball team. Many other people were also excited since the theater I went to on a Monday evening was about 75% full. For 90 minutes, I sat there dumbfounded. I hardly ever even smirked to myself and the theater sat there in utter silence. Huh? Ferrell’s previous movies made many millions of dollars and have become cult classics. I guess his shtick has gotten really old because I found NOTHING to like about this movie. It is one of the most unfunny, misguided comedies I have EVER seen. D- |
Seven Pounds
Dir: Gabriele Muccino Stars: Will Smith, Rosario Dawson, Woody Harrleson I feel like every time Will Smith dives into the drama genre, it is always to tell the story of a christ-like, morally virtuous person that is so good it is almost angering. This is never more apparent here, where everything his character does feels forced to the point of underlying how good he is. He is so good we can't stand it. Can you believe how good this person is? It's ridiculolus. You can almost feel the movie shouting it at you and it rings false. I guess I can't expect more from the people behind The Pursuit of Happyness. C |
Sex & Death 101
Dir: Daniel Waters Stars: Simon Baker, Winona Ryder Sex & Death 101 is not a good movie. Let me just say that first. However, it is one of those indie movies that have a neat little idea but just miscast it and mis-execute. Regardless of these misfirings, you stay interested BECAUSE of such a neat idea. In this film, that idea is that a godlike “machine”, manned by 3 commanders, accidentally emails a bunch of accurate future predictions to several unsuspecting people. To most of these people, the machine sent the month, day, and year of their death. To Roderick Blank (Simon Baker), the machine sends him a list. The list contains every woman he has ever slept with…and every woman he WILL ever sleep with. That's almost enough. C |
Sex and the City
Dir: Michael Patrick King Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon In comparison to my wife, Trish, my sister, Erin, my mother, and the legions and legions of women across the country, I am a relative Sex and the City virgin. I have absorbed enough information through girlfriend/sister regurgitation and lazily leaving on TBS after Seinfeld is over to know ENOUGH though. I can name all four women and describe their personalities, list a handful of their relationships, and even extract details like that break-up via Post-It. Even so, I could have NEVER heard of Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), Charlotte (Kristen Davis), and Samantha (Kim Cattrall) and still gotten a kick out of the estrogen charged Sex and the City movie. If movies like Star Wars and Spider-Man are cinematic crack for the male population…then this is like mainlining heroin for women. B- DVD |
Sex Drive
Dir: Sean Anders Stars: Josh Zuckerman, Clark Duke, Amanda Crew NOTE TO THE MAKERS OF TEEN SEX COMEDIES:</u> Please stop creating characters in your movies that are nerdy, oversexed idiots. It is infuriatingly annoying and the characters are inevitable despised. College did this, and so does Sex Drive. It isn’t very funny and it isn’t necessary. Seann William Scott was the oversexed idiot in the American Pie movies…but no one has even come close to that character in a decade. Speaking of American Pie…did you see that? OK…you have seen half of Sex Drive. Have you seen Eurotrip? OK…you have no seen the other half of Sex Drive. Good thing James Marsden is so outrageously hysterical in in this film and single handedly saves it. C- |
Shine a Light
Dir: Martin Scorsese I have to admit, I was never that familiar nor a very big fan of The Rolling Stones. Most of my information about them consist of Mike Myers’ impersonations of Mick Jagger and Ron Wood on SNL, Johnny Depp’s channeling of Keith Richards with his Jack Sparrow portrayal, and various appearances at the Super Bowl. In the past, when I listened to their music…I just didn’t get why they have enjoyed such longevity and prestige. After watching Martin Scorsese’s documentary/concert film, Shine a Light, I think I finally get it. The Rolling Stones aren’t popular so much because of their actual music, but because they are some of the most entertaining performers I have ever seen. Mick, Keith, Ron, and Charlie…they make it look completely effortless…and they are doing that at 60+. B- |
The Signal
Dir: David Bruckner, Dan Bush, Jacob Gentry Oh boy. This is going to be a tough one. The Signal, on the surface, is a movie about people in a fictional city, Terminus, who receive a TV and phone broadcast that seems to disrupt their brains and turns them into killing machines. Yeah…it is kind of like Steven King’s Cell, but much more creative. The Signal is full of innovative ideas and an original approach to horror/thriller storytelling, but it is a bit too ambitious for its own good. But you can’t help but deny that it is a brave endeavor…even if you are utterly baffled and confused by it. C+ |
OSCARS
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Slumdog Millionaire
Dir: Danny Boyle Voices: Dev Patel, Freida Pinto 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die If there were an Academy Award given out to CHARACTERS, the 2008 winner would hands down be Jamal Malik. He is the centerpiece of the completely enthralling Slumdog Millionaire, a movie that lives up to every morsel of hype it has received since its massive film-festival success. While watching this film, I was reminded of Forrest Gump, where a simpleton goes through life without realizing how significant his presence is in the annals of history. As Jamal sits in the hot seat of the Indian version of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”, he never realized that his harsh, tumultuous life would provide him with the trivia needed to get through to the jackpot. The whole endeavor crescendos into an inevitable, completely preordained climax that makes you want to jump out of your seat and cheer, cry, and applaud. When was the last time you felt like THAT at the movies??? A DVD |
Speed Racer
Dir: The Wachowskis Stars: Emile Hirsch, Matthew Fox, Christina Ricci It has been a long time since I have been so completely won over by a movie like I was watching Speed Racer. This is a movie that bombed at the box-office and opened to some of the most scathing reviews imaginable, so I went in with my expectations at the absolute bottom of the expectation ocean. When the film began…I grunted in frustration and abhorrence. I was watching it on IMAX and it was basically a HUGE headache…watching these bright colors, the hammy catch-phrases, and the hyper-realism that makes George Lucas look like a Nature photographer. It was when I realized that the Wachowski's were out the make a Sin City level surrealistic experience....I got it, and I enjoyed myself. B- |
The Spiderwick Chronicles
Dir: Mark Waters Stars: Freddie Highmore, David Strathairn It’s funny. My friend and fellow cinephile and I pretty much agree on our overall opinion of The Spiderwick Chronicles, but it seems for completely different reasons. He says he is a little sick of the fantasy genre, I’m still very thirsty for it. He says one of the film’s strengths is the quick running time; I think it is its biggest drawback. He was underwhelmed by the voice-over work by Martin Short and Seth Rogen; I thought they were superb. Regardless of our individual reasons, The Spiderwick Chronicles is only a mediocre effort. C+ |
Standard Operating Procedure
Dir: Errol Morris For the past decade or so, there have been many movies and documentaries about the Iraq war…so it is getting harder to find films that offer something new to say or to learn. Documentarian Errol Morris (The Fog of War) was the man that took the Abu Ghraib prison situation and created quite an interesting film. This isn’t a film about America’s purpose in Iraq, or its lack of purpose. It is not against imprisoning suspected terrorists or even necessarily against intense interrogation of those prisoners. What the film does show us is how screwed up that situation was in the prison in late 2003. A bunch of Military Intelligence officers treating the prisoners in quite inhumane ways, for no reason whatsoever…and someone having the ridiculous audacity to take pictures of the whole thing. B- |
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Dir: Dave Filoni I am a Star Wars geek. I don’t go conventions dressed up as Sith lords from “Knights of the Old Republic II” or anything, but I HAVE played that game, beat it, and I am thoroughly versed in both made-for-TV Ewok movies. This means that my geek credentials are pretty much in order and I can certainly appreciate the expanded Star Wars Universe beyond the now-8 feature films. For some reason, the critics have had their talons out in order to rip Star Wars: The Clone Wars to shreds. I just don’t get it. Their arguments are that the film is animated, the plot is arbitrary, and the dialogue is wooden. Ummm…EXCUSE ME?? Have any of you seen Episode I: The Phantom Menace? Those complaints fit in perfectly with that film too, and none of them received the lashing this film has. I actually didn't hate it. C+ |
Step Brothers
Dir: Adam McKay Stars: Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Richard Jenkins, Mary Steenburgen, Adam Scott, Kathryn Hahn You have seen the concept of Step Brothers before. An immature man, or men, hasn’t grown up and their presence is ruining the lives of their parents. However, never before have you seen it done in such a hysterical, creepy, and even sad way. Brennan and Dale aren’t immature men living with their parents because they are lazy bums. They are 10-year-olds with severe pituitary disorders that make them look 40 and similar to Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly respectively. It is absolutely funny, often times hysterical, but you can incredibly unsettled by the presence of some of the most sociopathic characters you have ever seen and feel weird when their antics really affect the happiness of their parents. B DVD |
The Strangers
Dir: Bryan Bertino Stars: Scott Speedman, Liv Tyler There is certainly a fine line in horror where a relentless killer without motive could be either terrifying or boring. The Strangers falls on the boring side of the line. Sure...there are some creepy visuals, like the iconic one in the picture to the left, but when there is no context to the mayhem, it is hard to care about it. C |
Strange Wilderness
Dir: Fred Wolf Stars: Steve Zahn, Jonah Hill, Justin Long, Allen Covert, Kevin Heffernan The trailer for this movie made me laugh my ass off. That is because it showed a hysterical voice-over for a nature show by a guy who obviously has no business hosting a nature show. If the entire movie were like this, it would have been comic gold, because Steve Zahn is IMPOSSIBLE to dislike, even in a bad movie. However, Strange Wilderness is not that movie…it is hardly a movie at all. I can’t imagine the script for this movie being more than a 5-page outline and the director sent out the actors to just ad-lib and have fun while they look for Bigfoot. To be sure, there are some big laughs…but it is so incredibly stupid that you are almost embarrassed for those on the screen. C- DVD |
Street Kings
Dir: David Ayer Stars: Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Common, Chris Evans Moral ambiguity can occasionally be a fascinating thing in modern cinema. When the good guys and the bad guys aren’t so clearly defined, it can insight some internal struggle within the characters as well as the audience. Why do you think The Dark Knight had such huge success? It’s not because this one is good, this one is bad, and so on. There is a WHOLE lot of gray area. This film about an LAPD cop who isn’t necessarily corrupt but skirts lawful procedure to get the job done, is not only morally ambiguous, it is morally vacuous. Everyone is good, everyone is bad, and the film never seems to take a stand as to whom we should root for. On one hand, this can get frustrating. On the other, it is pretty exciting. When everyone is good, what they do has severe repercussions. When everyone is bad, they are all expendable. C |
Superhero Movie
Dir: Craig Mazin Stars: Drake Bell, Leslie Nielsen, Sara Paxton It is getting really boring commenting on spoof movies, because my complaints are always the same and there are only so many ways you can express those complaints. Superhero Movie is the newest one, and even though I DID get a few good laughs out of it, the whole thing comes across as uninspired and dated. I felt like I had seen a lot of the jokes before. I also crave the ingenious one-liners and deadpan delivery of the spoof movies of old. To its credit, Superhero Movie more or less keeps to that old formula where they actually tell a story based on the main movie they are spoofing. It isn’t just a haphazard mess of scenes thrown together just so they can lampoon as many pop culture movies and personalities as they can. So there's that. C- |
Synecdoche, New York
Dir: Charlie Kaufman Stars: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Samantha Morton, Michelle Williams, Catherine Keener, Tom Noonan In Hollywood, Charlie Kaufman has become synonymous with weird. His previous screenplays (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) were all brilliantly eccentric and fascinatingly obscure. However, under the direction of Spike Jones and Michel Gondry, those films took on a sort of cinematic life that was accessible to the common person…even if it took a few viewings to grasp what was going on. This time around, Kaufman directs his own screenplay and has created one of the most infuriating weird-for-the-sake-of-weird films I have ever seen. There are quirks, plot developments, and characters that make no sense…and I don’t think that was the point. Kaufman has created a cinematic Matryoshka Doll that completely alienates the audience and does not reward them for hanging in there and hoping the mish-mash will all become clear in the end. C- |
Teeth
Dir: Mitchell Lichtenstein Every once in a while, my desire to see a movie comes simply from the random praise it receives from the critics. Also, sometimes I COMPLETELY don’t understand WHY said movie had been praised. Such is the situation while I watched the indie film, Teeth. It had a Rotten Tomatoes score of 79%, and a Metacritic score of 56 (not GREAT…but certainly not terrible)…and it makes me mad. This is a movie that is atrociously directed, poorly acted, not funny enough for a comedy or satire, not scary enough for a horror movie, and not bloody enough for a slasher film. I just feel like this film failed in almost every way. D |
Timecrimes
Dir: Nacho Vigolondo I really like it when filmmakers play around with Time Travel even though they don't have much money. Primer was a perfect example of this...and this Spanish-language attempt is just as good. This follows a man who finds a time machine (there has to be this jump for anything to happen) and accidentally sends himself back in time an hour. What follows is a fun puzzle of a thriller where we realize that we don't know how many times he has done this. It is clever, interesting, and thoroughly enjoyable. B |
Traitor
Dir: Jeffrey Nachmanoff Stars: Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce Because of the current state of the world, the “War on Terror” inevitably gets dramatized in Hollywood. Sometimes this is very successful (The Kingdom) but sometimes it is a disaster (Rendition). Some filmmakers think to believe that the subject itself is enough to stir our emotions and provide a quality film going experience. Not so. The film has to be cleverly executed, keep us guessing, and it shouldn’t ram its politics down our throat. Traitor is a movie like that. It is a film that is pretty much the status quo of “good” terrorism thrillers. One of the strongest points is that it doesn’t concern itself with “How far is too far?” nonsense, it concerns itself with “How do you live with yourself when you KNOW you have gone too far?” The way the great Don Cheadle portrays such a war of consciousness is superb. B |
OSCARS
Best Supporting Actor
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Tropic Thunder
Dir: Ben Stiller Stars: Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr, Jack Black, Matthew McConaughey, Danny McBride, Jay Baruchel, Brandon T. Jackson, Tom Cruise We have seen the whole Tropic Thunder premise before, and even done better. Who doesn’t remember The Three Amigos as they realize that Elguapo is a real bad guy with real bullets? I love it when the actors of Galaxy Quest realize they are on a real spaceship. Even Pixar dabbled in this scenario with A Bug’s Life. All three of those movies have a more believable execution with actors in a situation they believe is a fabrication…but Tropic Thunder is so damn funny, and so damn BRAVE and self-deprecating throughout its comedy, you almost complete excuse any of shortcomings. B+ DVD |
Tropic Thunder
Dir: Catherine Hardwicke Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson I am a huge fan of vampire fiction, whether it be through cinema or books. There is something very attractive about vampirism and its iconic mythology. Nowadays, you can’t mention vampires without people thinking about Stephanie Meyer’s novels, beginning with Twilight. I really enjoyed the film…but not an ounce of the film was enjoyed because of the vampire aspect, which I thought was hokey and ill-defined. What I enjoyed so much was how perfectly the film draws the analogy between vampirism and teenage sexuality. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) might as well be a sexual predator, trying his hardest not to rape the naïve Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart). I truly felt this dynamic more than the literal vampire story, and it makes for a tension filled story. B- |
Untraceable
Dir: Gregory Hoblit Stars: Diane Lane, Colin Hanks There is no doubt in my mind that the events portrayed in Untraceable would happen in real life. No, not the over-elaborate, Saw-like torture devices ran by someone who doesn’t seem to have any expertise in creating such mechanisms. I simply believe if there were a website out there where the more people who visit the site, the faster a victim would be killed, all streamed live…it would have millions upon millions of hits…because that is how sick a lot of people are in our country….and this is the heart of Untraceable. Killers are sick, horrible people…but what about the voyeurs who are addicted to his mayhem? I'm kinda addicted. Does that make me a horrible person? C+ |
Valkyrie
Dir: Bryan Singer Stars: Tom Cruise, Tom Wilkinson, Thomas Kretschmann, Bill Nighy HEIL BRYAN SINGER!!! I apologize if that offends any of you, but I figured I would immediately praise the star of Valkyrie in the style his movie would merit. That is right, director Bryan Singer (X-Men 1 & 2, The Usual Suspects) is the star of this film…not Tom Cruise nor the elite British/German cast. They are all splendid in the film but Valkyrie, an exhibition of one of the most daring assassination attempts on Adolf Hitler from within the German Military/Government, is a success because Singer injects so much fire, excitement, and substance into the film…it makes it a top-notch historical thriller. That is a good thing, because some of the aspects of the film may have been laughable in less capable hands. B+ DVD |
Vantage Point
Dir: Pete Travis Stars: Dennis Quaid, William Hurt, Forest Whitaker, Matthew Fox I love it when an action movie keeps my heart pounding and sweat beading on my forehead. It is rare that a flat out action movie both keeps the excitement ratcheted up perpetually and also gives you a storytelling approach that is pretty original. Vantage Point is a superb thriller that never lets up. I guess it is easy to do that when your movie is actually only 15 minutes long and that 15 minutes is a climax worthy of the best action films. But we don’t just get one climax…we get MANY…because different characters experience the climax differently…and Vantage Point treats us to each and every one. A- DVD |
OSCARS
Best Supporting Actress
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Vicky Christina Barcelona
Dir: Woody Allen Stars: Javier Bardem, Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz, Rebecca Hall Imagine this interchange…paraphrasing: ”We can spend the weekend together, eat some food, drink some wine, and make love” ”And who exactly will be making love??” ”Hopefully all 3 of us!" This is an early exchange between Javier Bardem’s Juan Antonio character, Rebecca Hall’s Vicky and Scarlett Johansson’s Christina in Woody Allen’s new film, Vicky Christina Barcelona. In a scene like this, where a European is approaching two beautiful American tourists and propositioning them, most movies would crash and burn with its incredulity. It takes a great actor and a great writer to handle the scene with the proper delicacy to ensure its believability and sweetness. Well…Bardem and Allen are quite up to the task, and throughout the film, Woody Allen shows us that he can still make pretty intriguing films if he can get the right actors in front of his camera. B- |
Vince Vaughn's
Wild West Comedy Show Dir: Ari Sandel I’m not a huge fan of Vince Vaughn. I can tolerate him when he is in halfway serious roles (The Lost World, The Cell) but I usually find him unfunny and unpleasant when he is the headliner in a comedy (Dodgeball, Wedding Crashers). However..I can understand his success even if I don’t totally agree with it. With his clout, he apparently put together a Buffalo Bill style Comedy show, with a half-dozen stand up comics and some friends like Jon Favreau and Justin Long. Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show is a concert film without the music, but it is so insignificant that I’m not surprised no one ever heard of this tour whereby these comics played 30 nights in 30 cities in the fall of 2005. D+ |
OSCARS
Best Actor
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The Visitor
Dir: Tom McCarthy Stars: Richard Jenkins, Danai, Gurira Richard Jenkins has been a very reliable character actor for many years. I never knew he had a leading role like that in The Visitor in him. For a guy who usually gets his paycheck with bit parts in goofy comedies (Step Brothers, Burn After Reading, Fun With Dick & Jane), it is very impressive to see him take on an ultra-serious role and hit it out of the park. Jenkins as Walter Vale is one of my favorite characters, and thus, performances of the year…all in a movie that is culturally relevant, poignant, and simplistically beautiful. The Visitor is a real treat. A- |
W.
Dir: Oliver Stone Stars: Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Banks, Iaon Gruffudd Oliver Stone has made some of Cinema’s most brilliantly controversial movies; Platoon, JFK, World Trade Center, and somehow he always seems to avoid complete bias in favor of universal appeal. I had no intention of going to see 2 hours of Bush bashing when I went to Stone’s newest film, W., and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Stone, who obviously is not a fan of our 43rd president, treats him as a tragic, sympathetic character instead of the bumbling idiot you would expect. B |
OSCARS
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WALL-E
Dir: Andrew Stanton 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die IMDB #62 INCREDIBLE!! Simply incredible! I didn’t think it would be possible to heap further praise on Pixar and what they can do in their movies. I also didn’t think there would be a better-animated film than Kung Fu Panda this year. Then WALL-E comes along. This is an animated film unlike any other. It is a charming adventure, a heartfelt love story, and a wonderfully creative sci-fi fable all at the same time. I can easily say this, without one hint of reservation nor any uncertain terms, WALL-E is simply the one of the most astonishing animated films I have ever seen. A DVD |
OSCARS
Best Sound Editing
Best Sound Mixing |
Wanted
Dir: Timur Bekmambatov Stars: James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, Chris Pratt, Common I know that most of you are not familiar with the Russian director Timur Bekmambetov. I am, luckily. I was privileged to see his ridiculously creative Night Watch and Day Watch which were the highest grossing films in Russia. So when Timur was tapped to direct Wanted, the story about an office drone who is invited to be part of a 1000-year-old assassin fraternity, I was excited by the visual prowess but not surprised. Most of you will be in complete visual and creative awe when you see what this guy can come up with. This is an exciting roller-coaster of a movie. B DVD |
War, Inc.
Dir: Joshua Seftel Stars: John Cusack, Marisa Tomei, Joan Cusack, Ben Kingsley Some subjects are just not prime for spoofing. The Holocaust? You can’t spoof that. Rape? Not funny whilst spoofing. This pretty much expands to the horrible situation the United States is in over in the Middle East. The corporate greed, the disgusting imperialism, and the false patriotism, all in the name of profit, is not something to be made light of. SATIRE, on the other hand, is acceptable. If satire is handled correctly, it can point out the absurd in any situation and get a laugh out of it. I have just watched War, Inc., and I still don’t know just what that movie was supposed to be. Many aspects of it are spoof, and it is drastically unfunny and disturbing at such junctures. Some aspects are clearly satire, and those did produce a twinge of interest…but overall, the film is a confused, haphazard mess. C- |
Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins
Dir: Malcolm D. Lee Stars: Martin Lawrence, Louis CK, James Earl Jones, Cedric the Entertainer When I finish watching a movie that I thought was atrocious, I have to decide how I am going to discuss it and rank it. If I REALLY despise it, it has to start at “F” and I think about the movie and pull out moments where I laughed, cried, was scared, or thought was acted well. For each instance I think of, it raises the rank a bit. So was the process after I watched Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins, and you know what? This piece of trash movie doesn’t get ANY boosts and is going to sit down there in the “F” category. What a waste. F |
What Happens in Vegas
Dir: Tom Vaughan Stars: Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, Denis Farina What Happens in Vegas</I> is a movie that proves how chemistry between actors can go a long, long way. The premise, where two people meet in Vegas, get drunk, get married, realize they don’t like each other, win a jackpot, and must prove they are working on their marriage in order to get the money…is a completely ridiculous contrivance to a level that is almost insulting. I’m not a huge fan of either Cameron Diaz or Ashton Kutcher. However, somehow those two actors pull this movie off enough so that it is tolerable. I would have never guessed that could happen C+ |
Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden
Dir: Morgan Spurlock Morgan Spurlock is a very smart, funny, and entertaining documentarian. His Super Size Me was not only a great documentary, but it was so socially relevant that it pretty much, single-handedly got rid of the “Super Size” at McDonald’s nation wide. Because of my great respect and admiration for his previous work, I was quite excited for his new venture, Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden. He is still entertaining and daring…but this time around…I didn’t feel like I learned anything new, a HUGE litmus test on the quality of documentaries for me. Also, Spurlock completely renders his project obsolete while undergoing it, and makes his audience angry that he traversed the Middle East for no real reason while his wife was pregnant with his first child. C |
OSCARS
Best Actor
Best Supporting Actress |
The Wrestler
Dir: Darren Aronofsky Stars: Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die There is a single utterance of the word “wow” in Darren Aronofsky’s new film, The Wrestler that is one of the most poignant and powerful utterances of 2008’s films. It is so perfect a word at that time and place that it caps off Mickey Rourke’s incredible performance…a performance of a lifetime…and is the only word you can REALLY use to describe it. Some people say this film is analogous to Rourke’s film career, making the whole thing a kind of biography of sorts, but I disagree. Other than the equitable physical transformation that both Rourke has gone through in real life and his character must have gone through throughout his wrestling career, the two men are not THAT similar. It is simply a brilliant performance. Not quite one of those performances that single-handedly make the film a complete triumph (like Monster), but it is pretty darn close. A- |
The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Dir: Chris Carter Stars: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Billy Connolly While I was reading a review on the new movie The X-Files: I Want to Believe, I came across a very neat term. “X-Philes”. I am definitely one of these “X-Philes” as I own all 9 seasons on DVD and have always thought the show was one of the best dramas ever created. It is this love for the adventures of Agents Mulder and Scully that raised my hopes for this new movie…but it is all for naught. The X-Files: I Want to Believe is not a terrible movie, and it certainly offers its creepy moments, but the spirit of The X-Files seems to be lost. Maybe it is because the show has been of the air for several years. Maybe it was the obvious attempt to make this story a “stand-alone” story and not part of the vast X-Files mythology. Whatever it is…it misfires. C |
Yes Man
Dir: Peyton Reed Stars: Jim Carrey, Zooey Deschanel, Bradley Cooper I have to admit it, the man can still make me laugh. At first, I thought Jim Carrey’s new film Yes Man was just going to be a retread of 1997’s Liar, Liar. The trailer sure made it seem that way. But this time around, Carrey sacrifices a bit of the big belly laughs and adds on some sweetness…and the film winds up being a small treat. It isn’t anything iconic in the filmography of Carrey…but he has done a LOT worse. B- |
You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Dir: Dennis Dugan Stars: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui Not since The Waterboy has Adam Sandler sported such a ridiculous accent. Not since The Wedding Singer has Adam Sandler sported such a ridiculous haircut. Also, it has been quite a while since Adam Sandler pulled out all the stops and went off-the-wall with hardly any attempt at seriousness or emotions. Until now. In You Don’t Mess With The Zohan, Sandler plays a superhero-like Israeli counter-terrorist who wants to give up his life of espionage in order to go to New York City and become a hairstylist for Paul Mitchell, and it is a absurd as that sounds. B- DVD |
Young@Heart
Dir: Stephen Walker & Sally George On the surface, this is a simple documentary about a senior citizen chorus covering modern hits for fun. But beneath the surface it is something much more. It touches upon mortality, purpose, and ageism in ways I did not expect at all and it makes the entire experience so wonderful. It is rip-roaringly a good time with the music, but sad and life affirming with everything else B+ |
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Dir: Kevin Smith Stars: Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, Craig Robinson, Jason Mewes, Justin Long I have since revisited this film and I think it got a bad wrap. How could a movie so light-hearted, so well written, and so much fun, have been such a box-office failure...especially with Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks behind it. I have always been a Kevin Smith fan, and his talent for dialogue is razor sharp here. Some of the porn may get to a gratuitous point...but it actully makes the Zack/Miri stuff all the more poignant. This is actually a very sweet comedy...and the interactions of Seth Rogen and Justin Long at the Class Reunion are some of the funniest things Smith has ever done. B+ Bluray |